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Saturday, July 26, 2008

well looky here

So I had a revelation.
It's about 8:30 and I need to be at church by 9 for our cleanup so I'll make it quick.
Last night I just fell into a bout of tears. I have a natural tendency to stop myself from crying so it came out sort of akwardly. With me biting my lip till it was creased with my teeth marks. Then I fell asleep.
I woke up this morning and I felt such a peace. I feel renewed.
Part of it came from my further reading of Debbie Ford's book (see previous posts). I'm in this chapter called healing the split and she talks about the emotions in our life that show us we are hurting inside and inevitably hurting those around us. Those emotions are Guardedness, greed, arrogance, intolerance, self-absorption, stubborness and deciet. Then for each of those emotions she gave a spiritual antidote. Like for guardedness she gave vulnerability.
Well the one that really spoke to me was 'being of service' which she describes as the antidote for self-absorption. Quite honestly it can be the antidote for anything.
Here's a little of what she said"
Being of service requires us to release our expectations and attatchment to what our contribution should look like and just allow ourselves to be used for the good of a greater whole. When our narcissistic impluses are balanced by our deeper desire to contribute to others, we become willing to make a higer choice--if not for ourselves, then for the sake of those we would serve. We're willing to feel the discomfort of not getting a personal need met when we see that our sacrifice serve the needs of many. Being of service demands that we surrender our individual desires in favor of what is good for the collective whole. ...Serving others is a divine gift that lifts us out of the painful cycle of being our worst enemy, because in serving others, we get to belong and be a contributing member of the collective heart.

I just feel like something clicked in me. Like those are finally the words that shape these indescribable feelings that have been circulating in my heart and mind. It also helps me make a very important decision that I've been struggling with. I feel like I can better understand all of our purposes and presence in this earth. It is to serve each other. Yes the world is a crappy place, with big big problems. But we have big big solutions because we can serve. Everybody can be great, because everybody can serve (Martin Luther King, Jr.) Yes.
There are big questions and big answers and the bridge in between the both of them is called life.

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