Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I am enjoying my days although I had a loop dream that I missed my train for Christmas. It leaves at 4:55 tomorrow morning. I need all the good Karma I can get to make sure I can get up and to the train station at that time.
Merry Christmas all!!
Monday, December 22, 2008
THE SIX TENSIONS OF LEADING CHANGE
The idea is to find a balance between these
Champion an initiative or a significant change, consistently promote it, and encourage others to get on board.
Cope with transition
Recognize and address the personal and emotional aspects of change.
Show a sense of urgency
Demonstrate the need to take action; accelerate the pace of change.
Demonstrate realistic patience
Know when and how to slow the pace so that people can cope and adapt.
Make difficult decisions without hesitation or second-guessing.
Take others' perspectives into account; understand the impact of your actions and decisions.
See the positive side of any challenge; convey that optimism to others.
Be realistic and open
Speak candidly about the situa¬tion, and don't shy away from dif¬ficulties; admit personal mistakes.
Be confident in your ability to handle new challenges.
Be open to others' input and sup¬port; allow them to do their part.
Capitalize on strengths
Know your personal and organizational strengths; confidently apply them to new situations and circumstances.
Go against the grain
Show willingness to learn and try new things--even when the process is difficult or painful.
Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are. Rachel Naomi Remen
I wanted to read a few passages from the Bible but could not
find mine. So I read the next best thing, my journal. Oohhh hope that isn't sac-relig. But there were some startling insights. I mean Startling, with a capital S. One was a note I had written to myself about how to deal with difficult situations:
Ask, How can I use this experience to become the kind of person my soul longs to be?
How can I use this lesson so that others can learn from me and maybe bypass a difficult life experience? How can I use this incident to heal my own heart? How can I use this lesson to help the healing of the planet?
Deep I know, but I hope to continue to reflect on those questions. Oh the lessons I've taught myself.
I need to go home and clean a little but I ventured out to get some fresh air. I've had enough, back to my little home.
Friday, December 19, 2008
Here are some thoughts though from other NSPers about their experience with our organization. I know I'm probably being gusy but one day I'll look back and I want to not only remember how happy I felt I want it to inspire me again.
A lot was said in the election about Community Organizing. It seemed to be the single most life-changing, perspective-giving part of President-elect Obama's life. It has really been hitting me that, while it may not feel that profound every second of every day to me, that we are all doing the exact same thing. The reason it is my biggest priority to connect with all of you more is that we are all embarking on what is probably going to be the most profound, life-changing experience of our entire lives. We are all going to go on to do different and amazing things, but I am sure that this time of service for all of us will be seen as one of the biggest moments of our lives. I am honored to be sharing it with all of you.
***CONTINUED FROM ABOVE***-Since I began in the NW Philly office almost 5 years ago, I loved the work of NSP. However, what completely captivated me and made me a life-long NSPer was when I went to my first national training (SD 2005 training) and, what was back then the August conference, and got to meet and experience the people. The people of NSP are some of the most amazing on Earth. You all are naturally bright, funny, intelligent, witty, passionate, enthusiastic, energetic, compassionate, sensitive, kind, caring, cool, hardworking, and utterly smart. You all have chosen to value people, live with integrity, fight for justice, treat others with dignity and respect, spread awareness, and serve others. To be honest, I did not know that people like you existed before I found NSP and I still have yet to meet your equals in any other setting. The fact that I am able to be around people like you is such a great thing for me and the fact that people like you have accepted me as one of your own is the greatest honor of my life. Although I have not been in constant communication with all of you, please know that I love and respect each and every one of you to the highest degree and am truly honored to work and serve with you. You all are such an inspiration to me and I thank you for everything that you are.
If you have made it this far, I am eternally impressed and grateful have your back forever. Just call on me and I'll be there.
I am continually inspired and amazed by everyone in NSP. I can't imagine any other organization where I would feel so supported, valued, challenged, and fulfilled on a daily basis, and where I would have such respect and admiration for everyone I have the honor of working with. In starting to think about next year, this has become all the more clear. I've decided though that I'm not going to get stressed about the future, because that would take away from being fully present in every day that I'm here at NSP. You have all given me a lot to be grateful for, and I hope you all have most wonderful, happy, healthy, and safe holidays!
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for being able to work at NSP. Everyday I hear horror stories of people who dislike their job, their co-workers, (not to mention those that are unable to find work) and I’m reminded of just how lucky I am. I can honestly say that I love and enjoy every person at NSP (how they keep bringing great people into the organization is beyond me) and love my job and the difference I’m able to make in individuals lives, from clients to volunteers, and to the larger community. Very few people can say that.
Don't stop believing...
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Yesterday was our Local Adivsory Board meeting which was very successful and well attended by all of our board members. Our LAB is made up of members of the Philadelphia community who advise us on the role of our office in relation to the issues affecting the Philadelphia community. I'm consistently amazed by our student leaders and the amount of vision and tenacity they have. Sarah our Local Director from the West also attended the meeting and shared some of the work she has been doing on community resources in the West community with Dr. Harkavy at Penn.
We also had some great discussions about the issues in Philadelphia that will affect our services in our office. Case managers at local homeless shelters are being let go because of budget cuts. The Case managers are the staff members at homeless shelters that assist residents in getting their lives back togethers. Essentially we are going to see more people going into the homeless shelters with less to no people assisting them move out of them. While this is very discouraging it shows that our services are going to be even more essential in this time of need.
A similar issue resulted in some intense discourse back and forth with our leadership team. I had recently read an article about the lack of guidance counselors in Philadelphia schools and the affect this was having on college attainment for Philly high school students http://www.philly.com/philly/news/local/36121124.html. We had a discussion about what if any service we could be in this time. Especially since the system that we use to sign people up for public benefits is adding a FAFSA application. One of our site coordinators didn't feel like it was really our place or the best use of our skills but at our LAB meeting a couple of our board members brought up the same issue and suggested that we provide some services. I was relieved to hear some more support for our at least developing some resource energy to it but it was a tense moment. It made me wonder, should I speak up about issues that I am passionate about and find relevant or just hold back to avoid making ripples that might cause too much discomfort. In the end, if it helps us become more effective at serving the needs of the Philadelphia community, I'd have to go for speaking up...
I had some tear jerkers of client meetings. Since we've been a little slower I've had time to sit down and really talk to my clients and learn more about the stories that brought them to our office. I always wrestle with revealing client stories even if I don't include their names but in summary I can say that the routes that bring our clients here is a maze of bad decisions, bad luck, an unforgiving system and last hope. I feel like that scene in the Grinch where his heart grows beyond its size. I feel like my ability to love and care and not judge has grown much beyond what I've been capable of. I don't think I've been surprised much by what I've seen pertaining to bureacracy and the issues of the poverty. Although my understanding has deepend greatly and I've learned much more about the human aspect. The faces behind the statistics. I've grown from that.
I've also learned so much from the wonderful organization I'm apart of. Work within our regional team has been tense at times but that's to be expected in a field where passions run high and everyone seems to come in with a mission and a vision, unprepared to compromise or collaborate. But we all have a heart for our clients and have proven that there are different ways to support the community and the work we do. I've also taken sometime to go through all of our vols feedback and learn what we can better do to support them because, well, they are the ones that do client service and its important that we reach down from our clouds of ideas and jobs to give the information to our vols so that that information will reach our clients who could care less about our disagreements.
I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world although I do miss my friends and family. I'm very excited about the Holiday and break.
I don't think I've ever made a New Years resolution but if I was to make one it would be to work more on what I found is important to me, the people in my life. To stay in touch more and learn more from them, even the ones I don't really care that much for.
Besides, does any of us really know what we're doing...
I'll share a quote from one of my vols:
One day while looking for jobs, I was beginning to join client in his momentary discouragement, feeling as though everything was out of my hands, feeling under the full weight of the realization that there is only so much NSP and me personally as a volunteer can do. Out of nowhere, client received a call asking him to come in for an interview the next day, and he was elated. I was so, so thankful for client's upcoming opportunity and replenished enthusiasm. I feel like this experience with client has been incomparably formative to my dedication to the NSP organization.
For the Holidays please join me in supporting NSP and the work we're doing, it's becoming even more necessary. Now more than ever....http://www.nspnet.org/donate/index.htm
Song: High and Dry by Radiohead
Monday, December 15, 2008
I have knots in my stomach thinking about the amount of things that need to be checked of my to do list by the end of this week. But (deep breath) it's all going to be ok.
I had a stressful time in the beginning of the year learning to work with some members in my regional team. Although I don't doubt that I work with pessimists, I also am sure that I tend to throw ideas out there like pennies towards a wishing fountain, with this naive idea that people will be as excited about them as I am and want to join in. This was not the case and after repeated events of my ideas not only being turned down but picked apart piece by piece I become quite frustrated and passive.
Lesson learned. You have to fight for your ideas if you believe in them and you have to be willing to be flexible and learn from others who may know more than you. But if you really believe that something is important, you've got to find a way to make it work. I mean if its reasonable and all. I'd rather fail with a good idea then sit wondering what if and feeling as if I contributed nothing. I am reminded of that Thoreau quote above. There's a way to make it work and I can't just assume that everyone knows more than me about things, while still being humbled by the fact that I don't know everything.
I've got a very active beginner's mind that's undaunted to the looming obstacles ahead and willing to try anything at least once. It's apart of me, but not all of me. Either way let's see if I can make it work.
Friday, December 12, 2008
I mean I want to stay positive and upper and say yeah lessons learned, the sun will shine tomorrow, but this was a very stressful week that left me crying a lot and tired. I do hope the old adage is true that if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain.
Yesterday I got caught in a terrential downpour. I wish that was an exaggeration but it was not. All of my money got wet which meant that the token machine wouldn't except my money. I tried to get dry money from the septa man but he yelled at me. So I attempted again which resulted in a loss dollar. So I ventured out into the rain to find a store that would be willing to give me a dry five dollar bill. Two stores later I was back into the subway. I got home completley drenched and freezing. My shoes were filled with water and as cold as ice. I hate to complain but it really sucked. Then my phone broke. Just broke cause of all the water in it. Although I was able to keep a cool head about that because I was sure I could get it to work again and I did! Yeahhhh!!! Because lord knows I couldn't afford that.
I feel horrible about not being able to go to my runs in the morning even though I couldn't afford the tokens.
And my clients and work and draining computer time, it was all just enough to make me waiting for the weekend. I wish I didn't have to work this weekend but alas.
But I'm so thankful for good friends and long talks. On some good advice from Priys I left the house for a walk just to get out and get my head clear. To get my head out of the fog and the burden off of my shoulders. I feel like I should be a lot tougher then this. Don't people have worse problems? Don't I still have much to be thankful for. So in order to keep my spirits high I'm going to do a love list, a stolen idea, to remind me of the things that make life wonderful.
The song beyond the sea
pugs and bulldogs!!!
spending time and talking with friends
feeling carefree (where did that feeling go)
a good book
big coffee cups
the movie I am Sam
airports and airplanes
that I'll be back in Gainesville soon!!
Watching the Gators and being apart of the Gator Nation
When my clients get jobs
when my clients are reminded of how they can overcome things
when my volunteers laugh
when I actually complete a project
when me and my co have a good tension-less conversation
our new boss and his new baby (or at least hearing about it, I met him on Friday)
my job and the organization I work for.
so many people, so many.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
This occured to me yesterday.
I'm in the process of thinking of an overhaul of our client service. More specifically looking at what needs to be done in terms of volunteer training, resource development and outreach to ensure that our clients are receiving the best possible service and assistance in reaching their goals and self-sufficiency. This is very important because as the econonmy worsens we are going to need to be on our toes and prepared to bring the most pertinent and useful information to our clients.
I'm working right now on volunteer training in managment. The last couple of weeks I had one-on-ones with all of our volunteers to gage their experience and comfort with the resources and client service. Now I'm synthesizing all of that information and turning it into tangible goals in our office. Mindnumbing at the least but a part of a larger vision.
Anyway, I've been watching the volunteers (creepy creepers) and how they work with clients and just are in the office. Ofcourse I see things that don't make me happy and these were addressed in their one-on-ones but the issue is setting the precenent.
I was then reminded of apart of the New Volunteer Training that I did on the leadership challenge and the concept of modeling the way.
The activity we did on it is still posted on the wall and is a constant inspiration to me. Especially when evaluating my volunteers. I need to ensure that I am modeling the service I expect and providing an example. Aka leading.
Some of the ideas put up on how to model the way are:
follow up on our visions through action
maintain a positve helfpful attitude through the thick and thin of the process
never ask someone to do something you're not willing to do
if we want to stree the benefits of hope and enthusiasm within the lives of the clients, we need to be hopeful and enthusiastic about our lives and the potential of society
not being intimidated by injustices but rather being commited to thinking of creative alternatives
set concrete goals to motivate ourselves and our clients
So before we cast a critical eye on the outside world, let's first look within and determine if we are a model of the vision we are attempting to create.
At some point, it is inevitable that you find yourself and it is up to you to determine whether that moment, that encounter will be about gladness or about sorrow. Miguel de Unamuno
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I could be being unreasonably hard on myself. I have to be able to look at the things I've done and say, I worked hard and this is why this is possible. I know I've put in a lot of extra effort these past few months, but deep down I always feel like I could work harder and so I never feel satisified or complacent. It's an uncomfortable feeling. One that gives me pride in my ability to disconnect and remain detached.
I finally feel like my life has hit a stride. I feel motivated, I love my job and the organization I work for, I learn something new everyday and I've met some wonderful people. But yet I only feel half alive in this moment. There's just something missing. I've stayed mildy productive today but it's like you know, when you're running or excercising. How it doesn't feel like you did anything unless your dead tired at the end.
But then again, maybe I should pace myself.
I think what is most needed is a time of celebration. A time to say, look what we've done and how far we've come. For the past few years I've minimized how impactful that measure of success is to me. But it's hard running so hard when you don't know where you're going.
I also feel like I've been less connected to the people around me. I don't enjoy that. I'm reading this book called Loneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection. It's very interesting. My need for social connection wanes and at times I am comofortably independent but I am also sure that I have a strong desire for human connection. I welcome the Holidays with open arms, I feel like I'm in a connection desert!
I am determined to believe that this will be a good day.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
I was uber uber excited yesterday because when I went home I had mail!!! From actual people I know rather than bills or random grad school packets.
First I got a graduation announcement from a friend in school. And then I got a letter from the nicest people. My mom and I met them at the Thanksgiving parade and hit it off based on the fact that we were from Virginia (at some point.) We talked the whole parade and they were so wonderful. The mom wanted to send me some pictures that she had taken at the parade so I gave her my address.
So she sent the pictures on a CD as well as a $20 gift card to Starbucks!!! It made me so happy and giddy and immediately perked me up.
I was then in a chatty mood so I attempted to call some friends all of whom were too busy to talk. Oh loneliness, so I went to the grocery store to get some Jones soda to maintain the cheer I felt.
I'm reading this book right now called Beyond the Ivory Tower: Social Responsbilities of the Modern University. It's sorta dry but still really interesting.
I feel like I'm becoming more and more awkward. Like I'm losing my social skills and ability to connect to people. This could be a figment of my imaginiation. It's even slightly ironic since now, more than ever, I know and have much more in common with a wider social network. But still I feel like I'm retreating and becoming a more introverted person. But I guess that's part of the ebb and flow of life. And maybe this is the point I'm supposed to be at in my life. In a sort of personal retreat to learn more about my own ambitions and needs. But I wish I could do that while still having regular deep conversations with friends.
I feel very tired today which allows me to focus more on the minute things that I always avoid like doing timesheets or building structure under the big ideas I have. When I have too much energy I can't get anything done, so this is nice.
Monday, December 8, 2008
When work dissapears: The world of the New urban poor
by William Julius Wilson
I had such a great weekend celebrating the Gator win. Josh and I reunited our weekly tradition of attending the Philadelphia Gator games. Ofcourse this weekend was packed with Gators. We found our friends Kris and Mitch and sat and watched the game with them. It was nailbitting-uberexciting. I wish I could go to the National Championship game but it will be just as exciting to be in Titeltown celebrating with my friends and the Gator Nation.
The rest of the weekend was a blur of work and getting random things done and checking out things from the library.
Today has been bittersweet.
I had a productive meeting with my co this morning, which was nice.
Then I had a meeting at the Library with one of my volunteers. We were meeting with different departments that fit into our model and we could work with. It was awesome!! I had no idea how many services the library provided. They do most of the stuff we do around employment but in addition they provide workshops on issues relevant to job seekers and the librarians act as advisors for those interested in finding a career. The librarian also gave us a list of places to look for jobs. It was wonderfully informative. Plus being in the library made me excited for a future as a librarian. Right after grad school...
Unfornately this morning I had to let a client know that we could no longer work with him. Last year he was banned from the office by the former site coordinator. We were unaware of this when we started working with him. It became apparent when I was working with him that he had an anger management problem but I was able to develop some trust with him. He also cannot read and I'm sure this made it frustrating for him to navigate the myriad information resources available. However although we worked well, he made everyone else uneasy. So this morning I had to let him know that he was unable to come back to the office. It was hard, he was happy to see me and ready to work on some stuff. He just couldn't understand what was going on and he called back to try to explain his actions. I believe in second chances but in the best interest of the entire office and some people who are uncomfortable....
So that has been my morning. Plus it's the coldest day ever. I think the temp is in the teens and their is a code blue in the city to move the homeless into the shelters. It was not easy to get out of bed this morning and I am just as excited about going back.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
It made me trully question my own commitment to making a space, a community, our world more inclusive. Should I have said something? What would I have said? Did we as a group do enough so that person would understand the implications of their comment?
And what about those 'oh that's not racist' comments that people make that aren't overtly offensive but hint at the type of discrimination and racism that permeate our society. It's much easier to laugh them off, to convince yourself that the other person has admirable qualities and so can't very well be a racist/sexist/homophobic/ person. But everyperson has their good sides and 'growth points' and no person can be seen as wholly free of discriminating thoughts. I mean they're ingrained in our institutions and the way that we categorize everything and so they must find thier way into the mindsets of everyone at one point or the other. So what do you do? and how do you combat it? And in the end, how do you stay true to your own values and morales without appearing to manipulate or 'change' others?
So how did you know if you did enough? I am reminded of the Serenity prayer, and ask again, n ot just for the wisdom to know the difference, but for the tools to change the things I can.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I went to a luncheon (although no one ate and I had left my lunch in the coat closet) yesterday being hosted by the Philadelphia Young Non-Profit Leaders. It was with the executive director of a local organization called Woman's Way. It was very informative and the discussion about nonprofits, the next gen of nonprofit leaders and issues around women in leadership roles was really stimulating. I'm glad I decided to go to it. I need to pick up some college guides before I went back to work for the office. And then I stopped to get a quick bite to eat because I was getting fainty.
The startling thing about the day was how much more carefree and comfortable the downtown area was. It was the first time I had thought, wow I could see myself living in Philadelphia. I felt guilty for that but it pushed it home to me how even the residents of North Philly, don't always want to be residents of North Philly. Their needs and concerns are basic and human. To feel safe and comfortable. To know that someone cares. The Center City are, where the meeting was and where I also work at Lush, is the business district, art district, overall cleaner tourist friendly minimal minority repersentation district. In the law firm the luncheon was in, there was a view over the city (we were on the 28th floor) and I was able to see the whole city and all of the gorgeous architecture of the Center City area. In my run that morning I had once again been met with the hollowed out buildings and heaps of trash that define most inner city communities.
There are people who live in Philadelphia who have never been to North Philadelphia and when I was telling someone that I worked on North Broad street they gave me the most shocking look of disbelief. Now I see why it's taking so long to have progress on domestic issues, why so many people in these communities feel frustrated and invisible. It's so easy to be disconnected and it's much easier and more comfortable.
I know I was happy to be away, to feel comfortable to just be. In the span of a ten minute subaway trip you can literally transcend two different worlds and the seperation is so profound and deep, that I wonder what it will take for it to be closed.
We have the tools, we only need the will...
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
I was not at all as energetic and ready to go this morning. Plus I had to work last night and tonight and now that our store is open one more hour longer its brutal. But no excuses! I was determined.
I got there on time and met everyone and it was lovely. I struggled on the running but I was able to met one of the men from the shelter who was also struggling and hopefully we will push each other. I also met some other cool cats, one this woman who works in the residence hall at LaSalle and is getting ready to go on semester at sea and some students from St.Joes. I really enjoyed myself but on the subway back I had this unsettling feeling. Like I could've pushed harder and I'm determined now more than ever to keep working till I can make it to a half marathon. I like that feeling, it keeps me from being too complacent. As I was coming home and unlocking my door, I realized that some of the people that I ran with don't have the luxury. And this is why I run, I told myself.
We finished at 6:30 and I got home at like 7:15. I made my favorite meal for lunch today, macarooni and cheese and sweet peas. I have a giant container of it and already devoured half of it. I still ended up getting to work on time although I'm used to being here about 30 minutes before we open so I can enjoy the silence.
I also got a free ride on the subway! Yesterday I had to gather a whole handful of nickles to get a subway token to work. I thought I had enough but when I got there I was twenty cents short. The man let me go through but he looked at me sternly and said 'you owe me twenty cents.' Well I guess he didn't expect me to pay him back because when I came back from running this morning I gave him ten cents and said that's all I have right now but when I come back to go to work I'll give you the rest. He looked confused and really surprised. He was even more shocked when I came back with a quarter for him. He was smiling really huge and said you're so honest and let me go through for free.
It made me feel really good because this guy is usually such a grump and I hope that it gives him a little more hope in humanity and the inherent good in all people. You have to think of the people that will come after you and I hope he's able to pass that faith forward.
You know with BOMF they sent us some statistics and out of their numbers 96% of the runners said they're trust people more since joining BOMF has increased, and that's what it's all about. Imagine what we could all do if we just trusted each other enough to work together.
So the economy...the numbers in our office have been picking and people are in so much more despair. Yesterday was a particularly challenging day. But we've been having some great successes. One of our clients got a job! and two others have recently gotten interviews!! Maybe I'm too positive to be down in the dumps. I do get weepy eyed at times and I know that something wonderful will pop up in all of this. Here is an interesting article though on issues of North Philadelphia http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20081130_Flashes_of_reality_in_N__Phila_.html?referrer=facebook
For a little inspiration, I want to share this poem I found this weekend,
I've journeyed far upon this earth
What places I have been
I've traveled down this earthly road
time and time again
Crossed deserts, barren without hope
Through quicksand, hot with shame
Traveled into caves of fear
Through hatreds burning flame
Climbed up Karmic mountains
Felt age's lava flow
Crawled into waves of solitude
With nowhere else to go
Swam in silver pools
Where ripples touched my soul
And voices of my spirit cried
I long to make you whole
Put down age-old burdens
Stood on mountain high
Heart open, vulnerable
My spirit dared to fly
Journeys now on different course
Divinvely led by Grace
Spirit dancing joyfully
Warm sunlight on my face
Ah, journey, how I thank you
For my soul has always known
That the traveling would one day bring
The joy of coming home
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
I spent the rest of the day on Sunday at Penn's bookstore, reading magazines and newspapers and random books. I'm trying to become more well read and also delve into some topics that I find interesting. I really enjoy it. I read through this really interesting book by Daniel Pink called 'A Whole New World: Why Right Brainers will Rule the Future.' It was really interesting! It discussed the benefits of right brainers like creativity and imagination and discussed how all of these traits were going to become more vital in our changing world. He even had this brief snippet about laughter yoga started in India and how important laughter and play are in our lives. I want to start a laughter yoga club!
Before I left UF I really wanted to start a happiness club. My final year was pretty rough with new challenges around the corner and I just figured there were probably a lot more people like me who just needed a pick me up every now and then. So I thought it would be cool to start a club where we got together like once a week and just told jokes and laughed and gave each other hugs and only discussed wonderful things. Focusing on the positve and inspiring things in our life and the people around us and finding a healthy way to deal with challenging moments or people. Just finding a way to realize that people are inherently good, more can be done if we stick toghether and laughing and being happy is so much more worth it.
I read a couple of other things including an interesting article in US News and World Report about influential leaders. I find myself consuming and wanting to consume a large amount of literature on management, leadership and social movements. I feel I'm very fortunate to have such a great amount of leadership responsiblity in my young age and I hope I can continue this trajectory, but I have so much to learn! I'm glad I have the opportunity to read and learn about what is interesting to me unlike in college when I was paying to read the most miserable and useless books of all time. I mean maybe that is an exaggeration of sorts but if you've ever read on the road you know what I am talking about.
So I have been very excited about this morning. It was meant to be my first run with BOMF (mentioned in earlier posts). I was all excited all night yet also very nervous. I don't think a lot before I do things. I'm quite impulsive and chaotically disorganzied. This usually sets me up for some dissapointments when I fail to thoroughly analyze the situation. So I was sitting on my bed last night realizing that I was going to be walking through the most dangerous neighborhood in Philadlephia at 5 o'clock in the morning and I wasn't at all prepared for how unsettling this was. But I was determined. I woke up at 4:30 very easily but ofcourse I had a hard time finding my clothes. I still live out of suitcases and bags and have a hard time in the morning finding things to wear. So I left the house much later and I knew I was going to be late. But I went anyway. After I got of the subway I headed into the heart of North Philadelphia. It was so quiet and dark and all of the hallowed out houses and broken down buildings made it resemble the place that time forgot. So I was nearing the homeless shelter and realized I was already 10 minutes late. I felt horrible and remembered Andrews words at our orientation 'be on time.' All of a sudden I saw a rush of runners come for around the corner and run down the street ahead of me. It was like a gunshot went off and I started running to catch up with them. There were two groups split off so I started following the smaller group, thinking I could catch up with them. I wasn't prepared to just start running I still had my coat on and was already hot from speed walking to the shelter. But I wanted to catch up with them. And then I just sorta stopped. If I did catch up with them, what would I say. I stopped in front of these gutted about building that had the words someone cares spray paitned on the side. I wonder what would've happened if I kept running and caught up with them and went the distance. I wonder but I didn't. Whoever wrote the quote "If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down" has witnessed the site of a skinny 22 year old girl running after three homeless people in the most dangerous neighborhood in Philadelphia.
Anyway so I went home. And then I realized how tired I was and my stomach hurt so I slept much later than was necessary and got to work much later than was necessary. But all in all it was a good morning. I met with a client this morning. She is very young and already has a child. She's so young...
Good day folks!
Quote: But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.Yes we can. Barack Obama.