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Sunday, July 13, 2008

love is a verb

Writing out a to-do list and prioritizing things for the week is going to be my new Sunday thing. And there are two lists (which will probably be combined) Work things and me things.
Last week was just a little stressful come Friday because I didn't get to everything I wanted to and I do not bring work home. But I figured out why this morning.
So I have this organizing prioritizing system that I've had since I wa seven, so like 15 years, and I used to have to think about it but I have just become so set in my ways. But it is so impractical and it is making me so frustrated and I really have to find a new one but I'm so used to it and I'm a really rigid person when it comes to change.
So my system is based on a Vanessa Williams song that was my all time favorite song when I was a kid "Save the best for last."
So every since I was around seven I've always organized things by doing the thing I most wanted to do last. So if I was eating I would eat the thing I most wanted to eat last. Or if I was doing homework I would do the homework I most wanted to do last. If I was really excited about seeing a group of people I would wait to see the person I most wanted to see last. If I had really big news I would wait to tell the person I most cared about last. etc. etc.
Needless to say it isn't working anymore.
Especially with people, this past year I've learned that people tend to think you don't care about them or you don't like them if there not the first to know. Or in some cases there are so many people to tell that I completely forget the person I care about the most. It's just not effective.

But this past week at work I kept finding myself pushing off things which I really needed and wanted to do. The irony is I love everything in my job so much so I keep putting everything off. I tend to do things I don't care to do and are also not important. It's been frustrating. And I usually don't get anything done because I keep trying to organize things based on this system and it just doesn't work anymore.
While the delayed gratification has taught me some important lessons, I have to let it go. It just doesn't make sense anymore. And why shouldn't I be allowed to eat the thing I most want to eat first. Or see the person I most care about first, or do things I really love when I want to do them. I think I may now start getting more organized and also stop forgetting really important things.

I really enjoy Sunday mornings. We had such a wonderful sermon at church this morning. Our pastor used the movie Juno (totally spoiled the ending) to illustrate unconditional love. I had already written this in my journal so I'll just quote myself here:
"We love because we were first loved not because someone is lovable. God puts us in need so that we can give. I shouldn't be so consumed with my own problems but instead should be focused on the needs in the world. This is an opportunity to learn how to give."

Song: Save the best for last by Vanessa Williams

Quote: If you understood everything I said or did, you would be me. Miles Davis

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