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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

when you love...

My heart feels so heavy.

I came here to love the city. I think thats how I described it in my first blog entry. To love the city.
But love is much more complicated and painful and wonderful than I could have ever imagined. And sometimes when you really really love, love can break your heart.
We recently had an article about us posted in the newspaper. We have been yearning for some great outreach and it was definietely a success. And now our phone rings off the hook with people trying to connect to our services. People who need a place to stay for them and their children. People who have a place to move into but cannot afford the move in costs. People who can't find jobs and I wonder if we can find them jobs. The need is much greater and more devestating than I could have ever imagined. And I wonder if we are the ones that can help them. And I wonder why things are this way. And I wonder how far love can go.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, I worry too much.
But love, love makes everything more complicated. It makes you do crazy things so outside of your character that you fear you may have lost yourself.
I love this city and I love the people here. So now what, what do I do for the people that can't be so easily helped.
What happens when love isn't enough.

To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before. Rollo May

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.

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