learning groove!

I just learned something!



Restlessness makes me work harder and sparks off my creativeness.



And then when I take the chance to objectively view the situation I realize I am right where I need to be.



Still thirsty!

blue skies

I feel inadequate.
I am off from work today for Veteran's Day. I am excited about this day but still struggled with the desire to rest and the desire to be active.
I have this restless energy and I wish I was at work. There is so much to be done and I feel that I haven't been working hard enough. Even though there are things I should reflect on and go, good, did that it was successful, still there is a restlessness.
My focus and I feel like a firework shooting off in all different directions. I have work tonight which I am equally unsettled about because the last thing I want to do today is spend four hours selling people organic cosmetics but this is where I find myself.
Still I think the best thing for me is to find solace. I feel as well that many of the inner restlesness is not of my own spirit but rather a culmination of expectations about who I should be and what I should be doing. I should learn to find my own voice and learn when it is appropriate to heed others.

This is probably why Runaway Bride is one of my favorite movies. I myself agree with the character Maggie Carpenter when she pronounces "I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up." But don't we all feel that? Is there anyone that feels completely confident in anything they are doing or if they are even doing anything worth doing. Take time, find your own groove. Listen and learn.

I'm thirsty.

Watch this!

The difficulty in finding employment in Philadelphia...

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/11/09/us/20081109_EMPLOY_AUDIO.html?ei=5070&emc=eta3

fall is so beautiful

Our volunteers chatting away with the founder of YouthBuild at the mixer they put on!
Deep in thought!

The foliage outside our office window!

I had a semi relaxing weekend. Most of the weekend I was under the weather and dealing with a massive headache but still it gave me some forced downtime which is always nice.

On Friday our volunteers hosted a mixer in our building. It was a hit! We finally got to meet some of the other organizations in the building and also let them know about the awesome work we are doing. Plus it was just fun.

To the left is a picture of a few of our volunteers, Shawn and our new awesome Regional Program Manager Josh. Plus notice the awesome foliage in the back. I was talking to a volunteer when I looked out the window and noticed it. It was the first time any of us had seen the sun that day and it lit up the foliage outside so beautifully.

Being apart of Fall has been sort of healing process for me. It is teaching me the art of being in the moment and learning when to let go. I live in a beautiful neighborhood and all of the newly changed leaves are just gorgeous. Yet now the leaves are quietly falling away and I am realizing that fall is a part of a whole not a whole within itself. It doesn't stick around forever and once its gone, there will never be a fall like it. So I spent a huge part of my weekend just simply walking around and taking it in.

I also did some hard core reflecting and reading this weekend. I started and finished Nancy Pelosi's Know Your Power. I wasn't uber impressed from the beginning but it turned out to be a really good read and really inspiring at this point in my life. I'll highlight an excerpt:

Lindy taught me to think differently. I remember telling her that I thought I had too many opportunities, that perhaps I should give up one of my positions. This was prior to my election to Congress, when I was chair of the 1984 Democratic National Convention Host Committee, and also chaired the committee that enforced the delagate selectionr rules. In her wonderful southern accent, she said, "Darlin, no man would ever , ever have that athought."

And then she gave me a significant piece of advice. "Nancy," she said, "know thy power." Know your Power. I had power in my hands and I should use it. Lindy's words had an enormous impact on me.

I also finally finished up Life Entrepreneurs and now want to give it to every person I know. I skipped out on the game this weekend which I feel bad about. I really do enjoy being social. But I knew that it was important to take at least one day to myself. And what a wonderful day it is.

Okay well now on to what will hopefully be a productive day at work.

and the verdict is...

I love my job!

Truly, Madly, Deeply

I have had an eventful past couple of weeks. The Phillies winning the world series, the parade, this rocking halloween party where I got to meet some new peeps, work work work work work everday, the election, new boss, blah!

Last night I hung out with some friends and watched the showdown of the election. Then we ran out into the streets into the thrungs of celebrating, drum beating West Philadelphians and celebrated the beginning of what will hopefully be a more optimistic and hopeful future for us all. Hopefully.

I have a dip in energy as the result of many things. And of course my emotions are on some sort of rollercoaster today. I'm keeping myself away from emo like music and reports on poverty and have instead overstuffed on chocolate and twangy country songs. I have to take a comp day because I worked on Sunday but I always find it hard to take time off cause there is so much to be done. I'm just a ball of hormones.

Last night I got a box from home and I was so excited as I was opening it up. Mom sent pictures which I was more excited about than the actual abundance of warm clothes and jackets. I now have this picture me and a few of my friends took at school last year. It makes me smile, and I can't think of a more wonderful gift than that.

Work on both ends has been busy. It's funny to me to see the stark differences in personality in my volunteers. It's something I've never realized before when working with people or maybe just not this acutely. I just see these patterns yet am still consistently amazed. The weird thing is that I just see it with my volunteers and not so acutely with other people. I don't want to peg them so easily but there definitely consistent patterns in how they interact with information, the people around them and how they perform in general. I also see the patterns in the needs of our office so I'm starting to feel more confident about how and where to place our volunteers to maximize their impact. I also care about them deeply and want to see them grow and reach their goals. This is the heaviest burden. I've had to learn what I can and cannot do in their movement forward. You can't be everything to everyone but at least be something to someone.

We have had an increase in clients. I hope that our clients leave our office with lives more enhanced then the ones they entered with. I've developed that focus almost like a flash of insight. Connecting people with information and resources that move their life in a more beneficial direction excites me.

I almost don't want to have too high expectations or goals. The feeling of falling short or even the thought of it is highly debilitating to me. But I was struck by something last night. Not the first time this has happened to me either. As much as I was excited last night I realized that were was a distinct difference in the energy and enthusiasm displayed by the people around me. I was only minimally engaged. I didn't have the thrill and rush of victory that others who had put in personal contributions, energy and dedication and who had wanted this, really wanted it. I envied them because they felt something I wasn't able to feel, accomplishment.

I did think it was interesting that Obama didn't really win a landslide victory in terms of popular votes. It was really almost 50/50 everywhere. And considering that Obama did a lot more campaigning and such, it will just all be an interesting turn out of events these next few years.

Okay, so I'll see you. Trugging through this day. I work almost every night this week but fortunately it has been slow. There are couple of managers training this week at our store and I really love one of them. I hate goodbyes more than anything. ever.

Quote: Failure's hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you're successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever. Po Bronson.

The Philly Parade Pictures!!!

Here are some pics from the parade on Friday...