blue skies

I feel inadequate.
I am off from work today for Veteran's Day. I am excited about this day but still struggled with the desire to rest and the desire to be active.
I have this restless energy and I wish I was at work. There is so much to be done and I feel that I haven't been working hard enough. Even though there are things I should reflect on and go, good, did that it was successful, still there is a restlessness.
My focus and I feel like a firework shooting off in all different directions. I have work tonight which I am equally unsettled about because the last thing I want to do today is spend four hours selling people organic cosmetics but this is where I find myself.
Still I think the best thing for me is to find solace. I feel as well that many of the inner restlesness is not of my own spirit but rather a culmination of expectations about who I should be and what I should be doing. I should learn to find my own voice and learn when it is appropriate to heed others.

This is probably why Runaway Bride is one of my favorite movies. I myself agree with the character Maggie Carpenter when she pronounces "I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up." But don't we all feel that? Is there anyone that feels completely confident in anything they are doing or if they are even doing anything worth doing. Take time, find your own groove. Listen and learn.

I'm thirsty.