My Christmas List

I told my mom I was doing this and so here it is! Gunn Family, the reunion is fast approaching and if you have a hard time figuring out what to surprise me with, here is a list. Please don't give me any bath stuff because I work for a bath company and only use their stuff. See you all on Christmas!


Books:

Whatever it takes - Paul Tough
Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell
Acceptance - David L. Marcus
Student Development in College - Nancy J. Evans
American Higher Education in the 21st Century - Professor Philip G. Altbach
Half the Sky - Nicholas D. Kristof

Donate to my favorite charities:

LIFT (the organization I work for) - http://www.nspnet.org/donate/index.htm

Harlem Children s Zone - https://secure3.convio.net/hcz/site/Donation2?df_id=1260&1260.donation=form1

The University of Florida 'Center for Leadership and Service' - https://www.uff.ufl.edu/OnlineGiving/FundDetail.asp?FundCode=005099

Gift Cards to places I like:

Starbucks
Gap
Ikea - I don't have a mattress for my bed
H&M
General
CVS
Forever 21
Barnes and Noble
Borders

Other Stuff:

Winter Gear
Gator/UF stuff - http://gatorzone.teamfanshop.com/ (I'd really like some home stuff like blankets and some nice sweaters)


Big Gifts:

IPOD
Laptop :).

Call or e-mail me if you have any questions!

I need a lift

I'm trying to help a client find a job who hasn't worked in 20 years. In any circumstance finding a job for him would be hard. But now.... I honestly believe he could find great work. He is very intelligent. I would hire him. But it's the out there that worries me.

A client came in today in such despair. "It's so hard out there." I let him know that we are behind him and he replied with "that's why I come here. I need a lift."

Do you ever look at things and wish they weren't this way. But the deep longing in our hearts must be a sign that a better world is possible? We all deserve something better. Than this.

Looking at the world from a bottom of a well by Mike Doughty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSNuqX3EY70

give em' hope

So after a very emo day yesterday, I settled into my couch at home, snapped the lid off of a B&J Strawberry Cheesecake pint and prepared to watch some movies.

I watched MILK. It turned out to be just the movie. In the last scenes of the movie, Harvey Milk discusses the idea of hope. It brought me back to the work I do. It is so easy to become despaired and to become burdened by the weight of all the brokenness and pain in the world and distress. But you can create hope, you can break down barriers, you can do something. You can be a listening ear. It doesn't have to end with a question of "what do we do?" Because there is nothing to small.

There is an abandoned hotel in North Philadelphia right on Broad and Fairmount. Someone recently went to the roof and wrote 'free da hood.' Free da hood...


I ask this... If there should be an assassination, I would hope that five, ten, one hundred, a thousand would rise. I would like to see every gay lawyer, every gay architect come out - - If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door... And that's all. I ask for the movement to continue. Because it's not about personal gain, not about ego, not about power... it's about the "us's" out there. Not only gays, but the Blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us's. Without hope, the us's give up - I know you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. So you, and you, and you... You gotta give em' hope... you gotta give em' hope. Harvey Milk (Sean Penn)

when you love...

My heart feels so heavy.

I came here to love the city. I think thats how I described it in my first blog entry. To love the city.
But love is much more complicated and painful and wonderful than I could have ever imagined. And sometimes when you really really love, love can break your heart.
We recently had an article about us posted in the newspaper. We have been yearning for some great outreach and it was definietely a success. And now our phone rings off the hook with people trying to connect to our services. People who need a place to stay for them and their children. People who have a place to move into but cannot afford the move in costs. People who can't find jobs and I wonder if we can find them jobs. The need is much greater and more devestating than I could have ever imagined. And I wonder if we are the ones that can help them. And I wonder why things are this way. And I wonder how far love can go.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, I worry too much.
But love, love makes everything more complicated. It makes you do crazy things so outside of your character that you fear you may have lost yourself.
I love this city and I love the people here. So now what, what do I do for the people that can't be so easily helped.
What happens when love isn't enough.

To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before. Rollo May

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1KtScrqtbc

# 6 Go to a Phillies Game

So I started a list of things I want to do in Philadelphia before I leave. I don't actually know the numbers because I lost the list, but I do remember the things. So our North office and West Office enjoyed a Phillies game. My first Phillies game and baseball game in general. It was so much fun!!!

There are many negative things said about Philadelphia but this city is a city of love and passion. It's the kind of tough gritty love that makes you sort of rough around the edges and maybe a little obnoxious at times. This city sure does love its Phillies and it was an honor to be apart of the hoopla. The field was a bit out of the city so I get to view an unadulterated sunset that was very beautiful. I even enjoyed a baseball tradition: chickie and pete's crab fries with cheese sauce. It was an absolute joy and even more fun with our staff.

More Philadelphia adventures to come!!!!

riding through clouds

There are many reasons I enjoy plane rides. One reason is that you can say "I rode through a cloud this morning" and have it be absolutely true.

I finally got back into Philly this afternoon. It was a great trip that involved a lot of opportunities for learning and growth. I got to spend time with some wonderful people including spending some time with mom. I really enjoy Florida and have now begun to see that it is a naturally beautiful place. It was crazy humid and even crazier hot but still I really enjoyed it. I really miss the beach and lament that I won't be able to just cruise down there whenever I want. I know that many people praise the Jersey shore but I can't imagine that it even holds a flame to a Florida beach.

I thought the trip would be purely relaxing but a few things happened to me that have placed me in a questioning phase. Mainly around my religious and spiritual place. A few things happened that made me think 'is my new found independence a distraction from my relationship with God?' After much deep thought and reflection I found this to be a silly idea but at the same time I realized that I had some really conservative inflexible ideas about my religion and society that I just didn't want to have anymore. Maria Shriver wrote a book a while ago called 'just who will you be?' In it she poses the idea that our life is now about finding out what you will be but who will you be. I returned to that book for some inspiration and guidance. My own spiritual journey has been a rocky road these past few years. Finding my voice within the larger context of a religious identity has brought about some really intense challenges. Am I not following God when I follow my own heart? To answer that question I first had to get at the root of who I think God is and whose concept of "following God" am I really measuring my own actions by?

I also learned that I still have many areas of growth in my life. I want to become the best version of my self but who is that exactly. I have felt so ungrounded and even more so these past few months. I really want to find my own voice and my place in society instead of being swayed by every good idea. I believe that I was created with a plan and that I am on that plan and yet the next step is still unclear to me. But also that life is about choices and commitment at some point you have to start living by that. I also want to change the world for the better. But maybe there is where I've stepped into too much pride. Maybe I should realize that I do have something that I contribute but I very well can't do everything. There are many capable and compassionate human beings out there all itching to make a difference in this world. I just have to find my place in that bigger picture and do the best that I can.

Ultimately over the past week, I've come to realize that life is very short. I am sorrounded my wonderful and inspiring human beings. I am very blessed. I am always becoming. I accept and embrace who I am and the mistakes I have made. And life is about finding love, giving it away and feeling it.

I'M IN FLORIDA!!!!

I am very excited to be here. I already feel relaxed!

This morning I had to leave the house by 4 to catch my train to the airport. Preparing my stuff the night before was def. a huge help and prevented my past packing foibles such as forgetting my charger and such. I made it to the airport, early as usual because my worst fear is missing my flight. However I wasn't so luck on my connecting flight. I had a flight from Philly to Atlanta and then Atlanta to Jacksonville. My flight in from Philly was delayed and I got to the gate at 9:23 for my connecting flight. It was scheduled to depart at 9:30. I wasn't sure if I had missed the boarding because their were still people sitting there and thier was a lady at the desk. For some reason I didn't approach the desk until she walked away onto the boarding dock and closed the door. The man at the desk looks at me and goes "I hope that wasn't your flight." It was my flight. Missed.

But everything happens for the reason and I was determined to stay positive. I called my friend Kara who was picking me up and she suggested that I try to get a flight straight into Gainesville. Her tire light (I don't know anything about cars) had just gone off anyway so she had to go to the tire place? After checking with the Delta lady (Karen, really nice) I found out that there was a flight leaving to Gainesville at 10:57.

This is an amazing fact for many reasons. 1. I never fly Delta because it is too expensive but Delta is one of the like four airlines that flies into the Gainesville airport. 2. There are only two flights that leave Atlanta and head to Gainesville on any given day and one was later in the afternoon and 3. I got in the same time that I would have gotten in had I flown into Jacksonville and drove down. So I got to fly straight into Gainesville and it was wonderful. Everything happens for a reason and works out in the end. Just have a little faith.

I really love this place. While it holds a lot of memories it also just feels like home. I grew a lot here and while many of the people that I met during college no longer live here my two best friends are still here as well as many people from my church and of course my much loved advisors/mentors/generally good people-ers.

I really love my job. Like love love love. But the past few weeks I have just felt incredibly tired. I hate that feeling and so I'm thankful for the time to just reenergize. I hope that I enjoy it and make the best of it. Here's to straight chillin'.

give a little love

The office has been unusually busy.

We have seen a rush of people looking for employment. The other day I worked with a women who had a Masters and worked as a social worker with families and children. Her computer skills were so severly limited that even explaning the job search online was daunting.
I worked with a client yesterday who was just a couple of months older than me. She really wanted a job and had a lot of experience in housekeeping. However she had a record from when she was a teen. She was consistenlty denied any form of public assistance. She recounted how she was once told that she needed 'to have babies' in order to qualify for anything.
Yesterday I met a young man who had a full scholarship to a local university, a promising career in the music industry, a promise of a job with his church when he graduates but he lost his job, he is getting evicted, he is so stressed that he is lossing focus on his studies. He fought a long battle to get off the streets and away from his old life of addiction and crime. He can see where he's going and yet he feels so far away.

There are times when my job requires me to step back and other times when it requires me to step into my clients shoes. It is those times when I feel heavy. I feel their heaviness.

Our world can be an unsettling place. Yet I know there is hope. We're brining a new day in.

you know

I can think of a million ways this day could've been more productive...

Last night I ate half a pint of cinnabun icecream and couldn't fall asleep until around 4:00am. Now I have that weird tired feeling that you can get when you don't sleep and such. I came into work into a web of craziness and phone calls and people wanting to reschedule thier appointments and blah..and then I just settled into this simple unassuming stance of "I don't think I'm going to get anything done today."

However I did cross three things off my to-do list. Finally scheduled a doctors appointment and finally got my lease signed. And there I have suceeded....

and here we are again

I can't believe its almost been a year since I moved to Philadelphia. About this time last year I was packing up the last of my stuff, leaving Gainesville and heading back to Ft.Lauderdale. I seem to be in the same cycle. I'm moving to a new apartment and so this week has consisted of packing boxes and preparing for another transition. But it still doesn't feel like a year.

The past few weeks at work have been unusually busy. In fact, right now, I have a whole to-do list staring back at me. But I've lost most of my energy and enthusiasm and I only seem to glimpse it in spurts and sputters. I got most of it back today though. I was sitting in on a client meeting that one of our interns was leading and just speaking to this young girl I feel that rush of something. It was a flood of caring and I really wanted to stop everything and just sit with this girl and try to find the resources that could help her retain some stability in her life. She just found out she is pregnant and is in need of housing and a job. One of the shelters we were able to find for her is the same place that she lived in with her mother when she was young. It hit me that this could be another cycle. It could be different for her child, but it could be the same. I fight for the resources that won't make it the same.

But then I'm back to my e-mail and hiring/training interns, meetings and designing trainings and reports and thinking about large ambiguous goals. I feel incredibly disconnected from the things enjoy about my job and drained by the things I do most often. I had that manager feeling today. That manager feeling that makes you feel at once removed from the work you try to influence.I feel so removed and I realize I don't like this feeling at all. And so what do I do to retain the feeling of being present and here and with the work that is going on in our office.

I hope that this blog has and will continue to provide in an depth look into the work that I'm doing. And at the very least introduce you to my many adventures. I came into this with very little knowledge and know I feel I have more than I could ever want. More questions than answers more ideas than solutions.

If anything, I wonder, who are people meant to be. What is our role in getting people there? What obstacles have we as a society and we as individuals put in their way? What are we doing right and what are we doing wrong? Where are we going and who are we leaving behind?

One thing I do believe and value, everyone should have an opportunity to reach their full potential, to enjoy their life in their own way and on their own terms. We should respect that and nurture it. I have reading up on programs that have successfully preppared young students from poverty for educational opportunities that can 'break the cycle.' We talk about this gap that is erased and how students are trained in 'middle class' values http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/opinion/08brooks.html?_r=2. And its all good and well that we have given people a leg up in society, but what does that mean. What do people really want for their lives...

Galileo come back

It is very hard to get back into work mood when you take some time off. Even though yesterday I practically had to induce shock therapy just to stop thinking about work!

I had a really liberating weekend. I had to time to think and reflect and see Night at the museum in IMaX!! I also needed to pack and start cleaning my apartment cause I'm moving this weekend. I don't like packing or cleaning so blah to that.

I'm tiring of this adult 9 to 5, cooking my own dinners and washing my own clothes thing. I feel like I could only be heading to progressively more adult things.

I have become a vegeterian! I am very excited about this decision and step in my life. I am trying to move towards a more sustainable mode of living and align my values in life in all the things I do. Its a complicated decision as I think all attempts at moral living are. I mean I can say that I don't want to support the meat industry but this is a way of life for people a job. So many issues at play but I know that for me it just feels like the right move and that is all of the conviction that I need. The more you think you know, the less you really do.

Never give up on you...

I had a truly inspiring morning.
I may have noted this before but I am on the Philadelphia AmeriCorps week planning committee. Today we had an AmeriCorps rally for members in the city which was followed by several service projects.

AmeriCorps slogan is 'getting things done' and we kept repeating that through the rally. It was ironically inspiring to hear others testimonials and to see so many other AmeriCorps members out there.

I had a great, no awesome, team and we cleaned up a lot in the North Philadelphia area. I think lot clean ups get a lot of slack because they're not necessarily sustainable service projects and they are pretty labor intensive. But I believe that lot clean ups make a significance difference to the community. It shows that someone cares and increases the worth of the community. So three hours of this and joking and laughing and bugs and posion ivy and we were done.

As I was walking back to our office I stopped to reflect (a carry over from our after service reflection) where I thought about how much more connected I felt to the North Philadephia community. In fact at that moment I loved it and felt indebted to it. I saw a lot of hope there and that small act with so many other committed and engaged citizens renewed my faith in the change that is possible.

As I kept moving towards the office I passed through Temple where several large commencement ceremonies were either happening, starting or ending. It was a special moment seeing all of those families and graduates embracing this moment. It reminded me of my own graduation a year ago. I was then flooded with a mix of emotions. One a great joy at seeing so many dreams accomplished, so much joy and pride, and then this other wave which I can't quite accurately described. But it was like frustration and maybe a clear momemt where I was able to touch the feelings that have been surging through me this past month and a half.

Service is great and I feel almost selfish admitting to this. But I felt a great wave of...I don 't know but it was like...I wanted that carefree feeling back. I wanted to feel the ability to move forward with ease without being so concerned with all of the things I find myself concerned with. Service is great but it can feel so heavy when you realize how deep issues are and how complicated this world is. And then I think well maybe I shouldn't think of that, maybe I should just do what I can and not think about it tooo much. And that's ok. A better way to phrase it is to cahnge the things I can and the serenity to know the difference and wisdom to discern the difference.

We are all these wanderig souls, searching for a way to our dreams. May we all find our way and contribute to others as they search.

And do all that I can and never give up...

Ron Sexsmith: Never give up on you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vZaZNs0mhw

I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. Albert Schweitzer.

Sunday Morning

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/10/us/10safetynet.html?pagewanted=2&_r=2&hpw

Step 1: Read article above
Step 2: Pause for deep reflection
Step 3: Speak out, in some way, for those who can't speak for themselves.

I can't figure out if the world is complex with simple answers or simple with complex answers. Either way, there are many people falling through the cracks.

In other, more lighthearted news, I think it is in everyone's best interest to dance at random times. To sing out of tune. To twirl when they are inspired. To laugh long and hard. To breathe.

I have been in a web of emotions lately. That happens sometimes I guess. But it is much more important to maintain a postive outlook and perspective. To remember the beauty and the possibilities and to remain focused on hope, especially against the odds.

And also to eat chocoloate and call your friends!

I keep thinking that I can swallow all of the worlds problems and produce some magical beautiful result. Giving up that hope seems like a surrender in some way. But I cannot absorb that role. There is a way and I can find that way and my place and give where I am. And maybe that is enough.

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." -Aldous Huxley

is this my story...

I'm tired.
One of those tireds that require you to burst into tears at incredibly random and inconvenient moments.
Exciting things have happened.
Hired summer staff. (now trainings uurrgghh)
Found a new apartment. (hello to being broke for the next couple of months)
Great weekend, very social, free food!
Leadership team apprectiaion dinner tonight. (more free food, but also saying goodbye to our beloved leaders)

I feel like exploding.

Where are my great insights on poverty? My deep prose on the wonders of life? My detailed accounts of the many awkward moments that befall me on a daily basis? I'm not sure...

But today has been one of those days where people try to sit down and have conversations with me but I have so much going on. And then I feel horrible because, you know, aren't people more important then the things you need to do. But then it doesn't really stop the feeling. I struggle with being present and what that means. But I started this new meditation that is really helpful. I slowly repeat Psalm 46:10 like this:

Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know
Be still
Be

I know the heart of life is good....

Back attack!!

So I have had an incredibly refreshing past few days with a few bumps on the road. I've learned some lessons and cried some tears and all that jazz.

I have learned that I am human. I make mistakes but my past does not dictate my future...unless I let it.

I am in control of my choices and my future and the decisions I make have real tangible consequences.

I am a stewart of many resources. One of those is the people in my life. I have a duty to God and the community of all of us to treat each person with respect and love.

I forgive myself.

I forgive others.

One of the most profound lessons I have gleaned from the events in the past few weeks is what style of leadership I would like to model as I grow.

(okay break, their is a tour of library graduate students behind me. They are interested in academic librarianship.Note to self. Sign?)

Servant leadership is the idea that leaders serve first, lead second. A model for this can be found in the Bible when Jesus spoke to the disciples and said:

The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

As I think about my second term and the influence I will have in the office, I have to consider what will my leadership style resemble. I hope that I can set a vision for our volunteers that will inspire them and bring our office to new heights. But ultimately I hope my role is one of service to our volunteers. I trully believe that if I empower them, guide them, train them and lead them then our client servive will be exceptional. If they feel comfortable and secure, than that translates into client successes. But its going to take a lot of work. Probably more work than I've ever committed to anything in my life.

But opportunities aren't just waiting for you. I have to take intiative. Make things happen.

In other news, I have no idea what to do with my life. I thought I was so unsure and maybe I am. Honestly I can't decide if the things I am being introduced to are shapping my future plans and that's why Im confused or I just want to do everything and that's why I'm confused. While I still believe that you spend your whole life figuring out, I just want to prepare for the next step. I just want to know where I'm going even if its a false idea. I don't like this wandering feeling.

I came into NSP pretty confident that my next step would be pursuing my Masters in Library and Information science and going on to a career in academic librarianship. Now I am not so sure.

I do know that I want to do something that is directly connected to service. I want to be involved with connecting those who have resources with those who need them. More concretly I would be interested in connecting large organizations with resources to nonprofits and to communities. I'd also be interested in ensuring that organizations maintain social responsibility. Example: So I went to this corporate leadership breakfast hosted by this volunteer organization. And they were giving out awards yadda yadda yadda. And this one organization got an award for the amount of community service they did as well as how many volunteers they bring to events. Well this particular organization also pays horrible wages to their employees. Just not wages anyone can live off of. And I have to make this point (even though robert egger already made it in 'begging for change.') What if an organization sends an employee out to volunteer with a little kid from a poorer community teaching them to read. But the reason that kids parents can't be there teaching them to read is because they work for that same organization and they make so little in wages that they have to work multiple jobs. Or their stressed. Or whatever. Volunteering isn't always enough. We can be more responsilble stewards of each other and the resources we have. Start where you are and watch the change ripple...

So yeah I don't know where my strenghts are best suited. Oh and another thing. I want to be involved in developing and empowering leaderswho choose to commit to these values. Time will tell and hopefully season because the time of year to apply for grad schools is fast approaching.

...

and where...

I have a strong desire to run away from my life for a little while. It seems very childish. Or maybe a better way to say it is that my inner child feels the need to run away. Maybe it senses the impending doom of adulthood, ever growing responsibilities and lost idealism. And so therefore it wishes I would just run away to escape it all and find somewhere to play and remain a child forever in bliss. I am sure I am not alone in this.

I don't only feel I am facing reality but at the same time conforming into the world in such a way that I might never regain the strength to challenge it and then...

Exasperation. Frustration. Stalemate. Blah.

I wish only to be sorrounded by good friends, laughter, merriment and palm trees (or any trees, I guess).

Going back to this idea of guiding people along. It is very much what we are doing in our work and yet it feels so beyond human capability. Or does it? I am not sure but I struggle with previous notions I had that everyone was helpable and that everyone problem can somehow be solved. That idea has never been challenged in my mind and yet here I am. But I choose to belive it and I grasp it with all the energy I have left. Even if it is the most draining and painstaking work I will ever do I will believe that everyone, in deed, can be moved to a greater existence. Maybe it is not in our power to bring them there and that holds a truth we have to start seeing. Partnerships and alliances. People doing the work, connecting with people who can change the laws and systems connecting with the people who constantly find themselves worked on. I feel like we have been at this place sometime now ( a place with so many inequities and injsustices) and either we don't have the ability to move forward or we are simply not doing enough together to find a way.
But I know now how little we all know and how much we should be willing to learn.

"I wanted no more people coming to Kakuma unless they had no other choice. I wanted us to take care of ourselves, and to solve all this on our own, and to bring no innocents into the hole we had dug." What is the What

do you know the what?

I've been reading Dave Eggers "What is the What." I started reading it because I felt I should read it because so many other people I know have read it. Who knows if that's the correct reason to engage myself with a book and story but ehh sometimes I'm a sheep.

The accounts in the book are quite harrowing. I am chilled at the thought what was happening in Sudan was not detached form the world. It happened in this same earth that we inhabit. It could be happening right now, while so many of us go on complelety disconnected. It's just interesting I guess.

We are all just carrying each other along. We hold each other in our decisions and our judgements and our actions and our indifference. We carry each other along. Who put this power in our hands.

me and the government have some unfinished business

I don't know how to fill out a w-4. I'm waiting on the phone with the IRS. I owe them and now they are taking hours of my life and filling it with classical music and automated responses.

Take it all govies!!!

beautiful disaster

This morning I went to a social entreprenuership conference on Temple's campus called "Local healthy food can transform our community." The conference focused on bringing nutrition and healthy food alternatives to the Philadelphia community. I went to to sessions, one on "Effective Food Nutrition Programs in Philadelphia" and a second one on "Getting great food into low socioeconomic urban areas." Both were very informative and discussed ways that local business and nonprofits were bringing nutrition education and food alternatives to underserved communities. Their was also some strong dialogue on barriers and opportunities. The organizations I got to hear from were:
www.thefoodtrust.org
www.urbantreeconnection.org
www.teens4good.orbius.com
www.weaversway.coop

I also got some awesome free snacks and met some cool cats. I went to a Marketing seminar yesterday where I got to hear from some industry professionals who spoke to us about marketing, pr and developing a plan on a small budget. I love these things, including the opportunity to run into people I saw at previous conferences! In my effort to stay abreast to whats going on in Philadelphia and be involved in as many ways as possible, I'm apart of the the AmeriCorps week planning committee. The committee is working on developing service projects for 100 AmeriCorps members. Right now, there are a few lot cleanups scheduled, but it would be great to have something more sustainable and far reaching for the community members. Not that clean lots don't have their significance!

I also just signed on for the Green economy task force job committee to help lay out some plans for green job trainings and opportunities in the Philadelphia community. Exciting! I have been engrossed in Van Jones book the Green economy and really trying to understand this possible new movement. The types of opportunities that come from this could be really transformative.
Work has been somewhat busy but I just developed this phenomenal to-do list using excel which has made my life so much easier, and COLOR CODED! Color coding things is like meditating to me, so euphoric.

Unfortunately I have been very tired, just so tired and I have no idea why. I can never seem to get enough sleep which is just poo oh and (drum roll please)

I GOT FOOD STAMPS!! It came at such a perfect time ($20 to my name folks) and I have fully stocked my kitchen and the ability to eat full meals every night is so fascinating to me. I am still getting over my grocery store anxiety. Since June I have had to keep my purchases under 60 bux and everything is counted and weighed and I have never been able to get all that I need and rationing has become my new pasttime. I don't complain though because I am still very fortunate. With food stamps I can return to eating healthy and nutritiously and being able to cook my own food at night is so empowering. The ability to choose and eat quality food has such value which cannot be underestimated. And here in Philly, many if not all farmers markets accept food stamps! My monthly allowance is $200. I officially filed for food stamps on January 28th and didn't receive them until last week due to lost paperwork and just blahness. Persistence payed off though and the money was applied retroactively so my food stamps came with about 400 on it plus the 200 I get for this month! Don't worry Mom, I won't spend it all at once!

Our client flow has picked up and we are feeling it. The end of tax season is fast approaching and despite the amount of taxes I have done for others I have yet to do my own, eeek. We have had really encouraging success and wonderful relationships developing. Still I feel a great deal of anxiety and sadness at times just encountering the challenges out there. There is so much that needs to be done system wise for our work to be more effective. It is very daunting and tiring. Last week I had a meeting with a social worker from a local legal assitance org. who shared housing resources with us. The point she drove home was that people need advocates in order to be successful. Yes they do.

Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWsfrHvUMZM

if you had one chance

What does it take to change the world?

What does it take to end poverty?

What does it mean to be a leader?

I feel like this year has moved me closer to those answers and more. On Sunday, Philadelphia was hit with a wave of hail and a sporadic thunderstorm. Large pellets of water fell from the sky, pushing their way into the earth and flooding away the remnants of the winter. On Monday as I was walking to the subway I noticed there was a different smell in the air, something new painting the world around me: green. Green is my favorite color and I have never appreciated it more. Spring had sprung and green, lush, verdant life was emerging from the earth.

A volunteer just told me that in her meeting with a new client she was able to find a job for him and line up a house. Green, lush, verdant life emerging from the earth.

We live in a world of possibilities. I know that the present year has been lauded as a crisis but it is something much more precious, an opportunity. It's a wake up call, we've been going in the wrong direction, being uselessly exessive and unnecessarily proud. We have a new opportunity to make things better and more useful. If anything, we have been shown that we need to include more perspectives and voices in the work we do. We've got to realize how we are all connected, how our actions have consequences, not just for us but for so many others. We've got to keep up our enthusiasm in the face of seeminly immovable boundaries and we've got to be smart and understand the future as it relates to our actions in the present.

Green, lush, verdant life emerging from the earth. My life is my one chance to make in impact. There must be a God in this world, the way the earth seems with life. Yet we are here too and God flows through us. Has given us a piece of himself in hopes that we can all work together to bring this world to a greater place. And I am here to answer the call. I know that change is possible.

The challenge wasn't whether to buy a couple of bottles of champagne; it was instead not to take or privelege for granted and to use it in a way that served the world and our highest purpose.
Jacqueline Novogratz