Love the City

My Christmas List

2009-12-22T14:22:00.001-08:00

I told my mom I was doing this and so here it is! Gunn Family, the reunion is fast approaching and if you have a hard time figuring out what to surprise me with, here is a list. Please don't give me any bath stuff because I work for a bath company and only use their stuff. See you all on Christmas!

Books:

Whatever it takes - Paul Tough
Outliers - Malcolm Gladwell
Acceptance - David L. Marcus
Student Development in College - Nancy J. Evans
American Higher Education in the 21st Century - Professor Philip G. Altbach
Half the Sky - Nicholas D. Kristof

Donate to my favorite charities:

LIFT (the organization I work for) - http://www.nspnet.org/donate/index.htm

Harlem Children s Zone - https://secure3.convio.net/hcz/site/Donation2?df_id=1260&1260.donation=form1

The University of Florida 'Center for Leadership and Service' - https://www.uff.ufl.edu/OnlineGiving/FundDetail.asp?FundCode=005099

Gift Cards to places I like:

Starbucks
Gap
Ikea - I don't have a mattress for my bed
H&M
General
CVS
Forever 21
Barnes and Noble
Borders

Other Stuff:

Winter Gear
Gator/UF stuff - http://gatorzone.teamfanshop.com/ (I'd really like some home stuff like blankets and some nice sweaters)

Big Gifts:

IPOD
Laptop :).

Call or e-mail me if you have any questions!

I need a lift

2009-08-26T12:19:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to help a client find a job who hasn't worked in 20 years. In any circumstance finding a job for him would be hard. But now.... I honestly believe he could find great work. He is very intelligent. I would hire him. But it's the out there that worries me.

A client came in today in such despair. "It's so hard out there." I let him know that we are behind him and he replied with "that's why I come here. I need a lift."

Do you ever look at things and wish they weren't this way. But the deep longing in our hearts must be a sign that a better world is possible? We all deserve something better. Than this.

Looking at the world from a bottom of a well by Mike Doughty
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSNuqX3EY70

give em' hope

2009-08-13T07:32:00.000-07:00

So after a very emo day yesterday, I settled into my couch at home, snapped the lid off of a B&J Strawberry Cheesecake pint and prepared to watch some movies.

I watched MILK. It turned out to be just the movie. In the last scenes of the movie, Harvey Milk discusses the idea of hope. It brought me back to the work I do. It is so easy to become despaired and to become burdened by the weight of all the brokenness and pain in the world and distress. But you can create hope, you can break down barriers, you can do something. You can be a listening ear. It doesn't have to end with a question of "what do we do?" Because there is nothing to small.

There is an abandoned hotel in North Philadelphia right on Broad and Fairmount. Someone recently went to the roof and wrote 'free da hood.' Free da hood...

I ask this... If there should be an assassination, I would hope that five, ten, one hundred, a thousand would rise. I would like to see every gay lawyer, every gay architect come out - - If a bullet should enter my brain, let that bullet destroy every closet door... And that's all. I ask for the movement to continue. Because it's not about personal gain, not about ego, not about power... it's about the "us's" out there. Not only gays, but the Blacks, the Asians, the disabled, the seniors, the us's. Without hope, the us's give up - I know you cannot live on hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living. So you, and you, and you... You gotta give em' hope... you gotta give em' hope. Harvey Milk (Sean Penn)

when you love...

2009-08-12T12:07:00.000-07:00

My heart feels so heavy.

I came here to love the city. I think thats how I described it in my first blog entry. To love the city.
But love is much more complicated and painful and wonderful than I could have ever imagined. And sometimes when you really really love, love can break your heart.
We recently had an article about us posted in the newspaper. We have been yearning for some great outreach and it was definietely a success. And now our phone rings off the hook with people trying to connect to our services. People who need a place to stay for them and their children. People who have a place to move into but cannot afford the move in costs. People who can't find jobs and I wonder if we can find them jobs. The need is much greater and more devestating than I could have ever imagined. And I wonder if we are the ones that can help them. And I wonder why things are this way. And I wonder how far love can go.
Maybe I'm too sensitive, I worry too much.
But love, love makes everything more complicated. It makes you do crazy things so outside of your character that you fear you may have lost yourself.
I love this city and I love the people here. So now what, what do I do for the people that can't be so easily helped.
What happens when love isn't enough.

To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before. Rollo May

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1KtScrqtbc

# 6 Go to a Phillies Game

2009-07-15T09:20:00.000-07:00

So I started a list of things I want to do in Philadelphia before I leave. I don't actually know the numbers because I lost the list, but I do remember the things. So our North office and West Office enjoyed a Phillies game. My first Phillies game and baseball game in general. It was so much fun!!!

There are many negative things said about Philadelphia but this city is a city of love and passion. It's the kind of tough gritty love that makes you sort of rough around the edges and maybe a little obnoxious at times. This city sure does love its Phillies and it was an honor to be apart of the hoopla. The field was a bit out of the city so I get to view an unadulterated sunset that was very beautiful. I even enjoyed a baseball tradition: chickie and pete's crab fries with cheese sauce. It was an absolute joy and even more fun with our staff.

More Philadelphia adventures to come!!!!

riding through clouds

2009-07-07T15:05:00.000-07:00

There are many reasons I enjoy plane rides. One reason is that you can say "I rode through a cloud this morning" and have it be absolutely true.

I finally got back into Philly this afternoon. It was a great trip that involved a lot of opportunities for learning and growth. I got to spend time with some wonderful people including spending some time with mom. I really enjoy Florida and have now begun to see that it is a naturally beautiful place. It was crazy humid and even crazier hot but still I really enjoyed it. I really miss the beach and lament that I won't be able to just cruise down there whenever I want. I know that many people praise the Jersey shore but I can't imagine that it even holds a flame to a Florida beach.

I thought the trip would be purely relaxing but a few things happened to me that have placed me in a questioning phase. Mainly around my religious and spiritual place. A few things happened that made me think 'is my new found independence a distraction from my relationship with God?' After much deep thought and reflection I found this to be a silly idea but at the same time I realized that I had some really conservative inflexible ideas about my religion and society that I just didn't want to have anymore. Maria Shriver wrote a book a while ago called 'just who will you be?' In it she poses the idea that our life is now about finding out what you will be but who will you be. I returned to that book for some inspiration and guidance. My own spiritual journey has been a rocky road these past few years. Finding my voice within the larger context of a religious identity has brought about some really intense challenges. Am I not following God when I follow my own heart? To answer that question I first had to get at the root of who I think God is and whose concept of "following God" am I really measuring my own actions by?

I also learned that I still have many areas of growth in my life. I want to become the best version of my self but who is that exactly. I have felt so ungrounded and even more so these past few months. I really want to find my own voice and my place in society instead of being swayed by every good idea. I believe that I was created with a plan and that I am on that plan and yet the next step is still unclear to me. But also that life is about choices and commitment at some point you have to start living by that. I also want to change the world for the better. But maybe there is where I've stepped into too much pride. Maybe I should realize that I do have something that I contribute but I very well can't do everything. There are many capable and compassionate human beings out there all itching to make a difference in this world. I just have to find my place in that bigger picture and do the best that I can.

Ultimately over the past week, I've come to realize that life is very short. I am sorrounded my wonderful and inspiring human beings. I am very blessed. I am always becoming. I accept and embrace who I am and the mistakes I have made. And life is about finding love, giving it away and feeling it.

I'M IN FLORIDA!!!!

2009-06-30T16:00:00.001-07:00

I am very excited to be here. I already feel relaxed!

This morning I had to leave the house by 4 to catch my train to the airport. Preparing my stuff the night before was def. a huge help and prevented my past packing foibles such as forgetting my charger and such. I made it to the airport, early as usual because my worst fear is missing my flight. However I wasn't so luck on my connecting flight. I had a flight from Philly to Atlanta and then Atlanta to Jacksonville. My flight in from Philly was delayed and I got to the gate at 9:23 for my connecting flight. It was scheduled to depart at 9:30. I wasn't sure if I had missed the boarding because their were still people sitting there and thier was a lady at the desk. For some reason I didn't approach the desk until she walked away onto the boarding dock and closed the door. The man at the desk looks at me and goes "I hope that wasn't your flight." It was my flight. Missed.

But everything happens for the reason and I was determined to stay positive. I called my friend Kara who was picking me up and she suggested that I try to get a flight straight into Gainesville. Her tire light (I don't know anything about cars) had just gone off anyway so she had to go to the tire place? After checking with the Delta lady (Karen, really nice) I found out that there was a flight leaving to Gainesville at 10:57.

This is an amazing fact for many reasons. 1. I never fly Delta because it is too expensive but Delta is one of the like four airlines that flies into the Gainesville airport. 2. There are only two flights that leave Atlanta and head to Gainesville on any given day and one was later in the afternoon and 3. I got in the same time that I would have gotten in had I flown into Jacksonville and drove down. So I got to fly straight into Gainesville and it was wonderful. Everything happens for a reason and works out in the end. Just have a little faith.

I really love this place. While it holds a lot of memories it also just feels like home. I grew a lot here and while many of the people that I met during college no longer live here my two best friends are still here as well as many people from my church and of course my much loved advisors/mentors/generally good people-ers.

I really love my job. Like love love love. But the past few weeks I have just felt incredibly tired. I hate that feeling and so I'm thankful for the time to just reenergize. I hope that I enjoy it and make the best of it. Here's to straight chillin'.

give a little love

2009-06-23T07:13:00.000-07:00

The office has been unusually busy.

We have seen a rush of people looking for employment. The other day I worked with a women who had a Masters and worked as a social worker with families and children. Her computer skills were so severly limited that even explaning the job search online was daunting.
I worked with a client yesterday who was just a couple of months older than me. She really wanted a job and had a lot of experience in housekeeping. However she had a record from when she was a teen. She was consistenlty denied any form of public assistance. She recounted how she was once told that she needed 'to have babies' in order to qualify for anything.
Yesterday I met a young man who had a full scholarship to a local university, a promising career in the music industry, a promise of a job with his church when he graduates but he lost his job, he is getting evicted, he is so stressed that he is lossing focus on his studies. He fought a long battle to get off the streets and away from his old life of addiction and crime. He can see where he's going and yet he feels so far away.

There are times when my job requires me to step back and other times when it requires me to step into my clients shoes. It is those times when I feel heavy. I feel their heaviness.

Our world can be an unsettling place. Yet I know there is hope. We're brining a new day in.

you know

2009-05-28T13:30:00.001-07:00

I can think of a million ways this day could've been more productive...

Last night I ate half a pint of cinnabun icecream and couldn't fall asleep until around 4:00am. Now I have that weird tired feeling that you can get when you don't sleep and such. I came into work into a web of craziness and phone calls and people wanting to reschedule thier appointments and blah..and then I just settled into this simple unassuming stance of "I don't think I'm going to get anything done today."

However I did cross three things off my to-do list. Finally scheduled a doctors appointment and finally got my lease signed. And there I have suceeded....

and here we are again

2009-05-27T11:33:00.000-07:00

I can't believe its almost been a year since I moved to Philadelphia. About this time last year I was packing up the last of my stuff, leaving Gainesville and heading back to Ft.Lauderdale. I seem to be in the same cycle. I'm moving to a new apartment and so this week has consisted of packing boxes and preparing for another transition. But it still doesn't feel like a year.

The past few weeks at work have been unusually busy. In fact, right now, I have a whole to-do list staring back at me. But I've lost most of my energy and enthusiasm and I only seem to glimpse it in spurts and sputters. I got most of it back today though. I was sitting in on a client meeting that one of our interns was leading and just speaking to this young girl I feel that rush of something. It was a flood of caring and I really wanted to stop everything and just sit with this girl and try to find the resources that could help her retain some stability in her life. She just found out she is pregnant and is in need of housing and a job. One of the shelters we were able to find for her is the same place that she lived in with her mother when she was young. It hit me that this could be another cycle. It could be different for her child, but it could be the same. I fight for the resources that won't make it the same.

But then I'm back to my e-mail and hiring/training interns, meetings and designing trainings and reports and thinking about large ambiguous goals. I feel incredibly disconnected from the things enjoy about my job and drained by the things I do most often. I had that manager feeling today. That manager feeling that makes you feel at once removed from the work you try to influence.I feel so removed and I realize I don't like this feeling at all. And so what do I do to retain the feeling of being present and here and with the work that is going on in our office.

I hope that this blog has and will continue to provide in an depth look into the work that I'm doing. And at the very least introduce you to my many adventures. I came into this with very little knowledge and know I feel I have more than I could ever want. More questions than answers more ideas than solutions.

If anything, I wonder, who are people meant to be. What is our role in getting people there? What obstacles have we as a society and we as individuals put in their way? What are we doing right and what are we doing wrong? Where are we going and who are we leaving behind?

One thing I do believe and value, everyone should have an opportunity to reach their full potential, to enjoy their life in their own way and on their own terms. We should respect that and nurture it. I have reading up on programs that have successfully preppared young students from poverty for educational opportunities that can 'break the cycle.' We talk about this gap that is erased and how students are trained in 'middle class' values http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/opinion/08brooks.html?_r=2. And its all good and well that we have given people a leg up in society, but what does that mean. What do people really want for their lives...

Galileo come back

2009-05-26T14:54:00.000-07:00

It is very hard to get back into work mood when you take some time off. Even though yesterday I practically had to induce shock therapy just to stop thinking about work!

I had a really liberating weekend. I had to time to think and reflect and see Night at the museum in IMaX!! I also needed to pack and start cleaning my apartment cause I'm moving this weekend. I don't like packing or cleaning so blah to that.

I'm tiring of this adult 9 to 5, cooking my own dinners and washing my own clothes thing. I feel like I could only be heading to progressively more adult things.

I have become a vegeterian! I am very excited about this decision and step in my life. I am trying to move towards a more sustainable mode of living and align my values in life in all the things I do. Its a complicated decision as I think all attempts at moral living are. I mean I can say that I don't want to support the meat industry but this is a way of life for people a job. So many issues at play but I know that for me it just feels like the right move and that is all of the conviction that I need. The more you think you know, the less you really do.

Never give up on you...

2009-05-14T11:20:00.000-07:00

I had a truly inspiring morning.
I may have noted this before but I am on the Philadelphia AmeriCorps week planning committee. Today we had an AmeriCorps rally for members in the city which was followed by several service projects.

AmeriCorps slogan is 'getting things done' and we kept repeating that through the rally. It was ironically inspiring to hear others testimonials and to see so many other AmeriCorps members out there.

I had a great, no awesome, team and we cleaned up a lot in the North Philadelphia area. I think lot clean ups get a lot of slack because they're not necessarily sustainable service projects and they are pretty labor intensive. But I believe that lot clean ups make a significance difference to the community. It shows that someone cares and increases the worth of the community. So three hours of this and joking and laughing and bugs and posion ivy and we were done.

As I was walking back to our office I stopped to reflect (a carry over from our after service reflection) where I thought about how much more connected I felt to the North Philadephia community. In fact at that moment I loved it and felt indebted to it. I saw a lot of hope there and that small act with so many other committed and engaged citizens renewed my faith in the change that is possible.

As I kept moving towards the office I passed through Temple where several large commencement ceremonies were either happening, starting or ending. It was a special moment seeing all of those families and graduates embracing this moment. It reminded me of my own graduation a year ago. I was then flooded with a mix of emotions. One a great joy at seeing so many dreams accomplished, so much joy and pride, and then this other wave which I can't quite accurately described. But it was like frustration and maybe a clear momemt where I was able to touch the feelings that have been surging through me this past month and a half.

Service is great and I feel almost selfish admitting to this. But I felt a great wave of...I don 't know but it was like...I wanted that carefree feeling back. I wanted to feel the ability to move forward with ease without being so concerned with all of the things I find myself concerned with. Service is great but it can feel so heavy when you realize how deep issues are and how complicated this world is. And then I think well maybe I shouldn't think of that, maybe I should just do what I can and not think about it tooo much. And that's ok. A better way to phrase it is to cahnge the things I can and the serenity to know the difference and wisdom to discern the difference.

We are all these wanderig souls, searching for a way to our dreams. May we all find our way and contribute to others as they search.

And do all that I can and never give up...

Ron Sexsmith: Never give up on you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vZaZNs0mhw

I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve. Albert Schweitzer.

Sunday Morning

2009-05-12T12:10:00.000-07:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/10/us/10safetynet.html?pagewanted=2&_r=2&hpw

Step 1: Read article above
Step 2: Pause for deep reflection
Step 3: Speak out, in some way, for those who can't speak for themselves.

I can't figure out if the world is complex with simple answers or simple with complex answers. Either way, there are many people falling through the cracks.

In other, more lighthearted news, I think it is in everyone's best interest to dance at random times. To sing out of tune. To twirl when they are inspired. To laugh long and hard. To breathe.

I have been in a web of emotions lately. That happens sometimes I guess. But it is much more important to maintain a postive outlook and perspective. To remember the beauty and the possibilities and to remain focused on hope, especially against the odds.

And also to eat chocoloate and call your friends!

I keep thinking that I can swallow all of the worlds problems and produce some magical beautiful result. Giving up that hope seems like a surrender in some way. But I cannot absorb that role. There is a way and I can find that way and my place and give where I am. And maybe that is enough.

"There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self." -Aldous Huxley

is this my story...

2009-05-11T14:19:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.
One of those tireds that require you to burst into tears at incredibly random and inconvenient moments.
Exciting things have happened.
Hired summer staff. (now trainings uurrgghh)
Found a new apartment. (hello to being broke for the next couple of months)
Great weekend, very social, free food!
Leadership team apprectiaion dinner tonight. (more free food, but also saying goodbye to our beloved leaders)

I feel like exploding.

Where are my great insights on poverty? My deep prose on the wonders of life? My detailed accounts of the many awkward moments that befall me on a daily basis? I'm not sure...

But today has been one of those days where people try to sit down and have conversations with me but I have so much going on. And then I feel horrible because, you know, aren't people more important then the things you need to do. But then it doesn't really stop the feeling. I struggle with being present and what that means. But I started this new meditation that is really helpful. I slowly repeat Psalm 46:10 like this:

Be still and know that I am God
Be still and know
Be still
Be

I know the heart of life is good....

2009-05-05T14:57:00.000-07:00

Back attack!!

So I have had an incredibly refreshing past few days with a few bumps on the road. I've learned some lessons and cried some tears and all that jazz.

I have learned that I am human. I make mistakes but my past does not dictate my future...unless I let it.

I am in control of my choices and my future and the decisions I make have real tangible consequences.

I am a stewart of many resources. One of those is the people in my life. I have a duty to God and the community of all of us to treat each person with respect and love.

I forgive myself.

I forgive others.

One of the most profound lessons I have gleaned from the events in the past few weeks is what style of leadership I would like to model as I grow.

(okay break, their is a tour of library graduate students behind me. They are interested in academic librarianship.Note to self. Sign?)

Servant leadership is the idea that leaders serve first, lead second. A model for this can be found in the Bible when Jesus spoke to the disciples and said:

The kings of the Gentiles lord it over them; and those who exercise authority over them call themselves Benefactors. But you are not to be like that. Instead, the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves. For who is greater, the one who is at the table or the one who serves? Is it not the one who is at the table? But I am among you as one who serves.

As I think about my second term and the influence I will have in the office, I have to consider what will my leadership style resemble. I hope that I can set a vision for our volunteers that will inspire them and bring our office to new heights. But ultimately I hope my role is one of service to our volunteers. I trully believe that if I empower them, guide them, train them and lead them then our client servive will be exceptional. If they feel comfortable and secure, than that translates into client successes. But its going to take a lot of work. Probably more work than I've ever committed to anything in my life.

But opportunities aren't just waiting for you. I have to take intiative. Make things happen.

In other news, I have no idea what to do with my life. I thought I was so unsure and maybe I am. Honestly I can't decide if the things I am being introduced to are shapping my future plans and that's why Im confused or I just want to do everything and that's why I'm confused. While I still believe that you spend your whole life figuring out, I just want to prepare for the next step. I just want to know where I'm going even if its a false idea. I don't like this wandering feeling.

I came into NSP pretty confident that my next step would be pursuing my Masters in Library and Information science and going on to a career in academic librarianship. Now I am not so sure.

I do know that I want to do something that is directly connected to service. I want to be involved with connecting those who have resources with those who need them. More concretly I would be interested in connecting large organizations with resources to nonprofits and to communities. I'd also be interested in ensuring that organizations maintain social responsibility. Example: So I went to this corporate leadership breakfast hosted by this volunteer organization. And they were giving out awards yadda yadda yadda. And this one organization got an award for the amount of community service they did as well as how many volunteers they bring to events. Well this particular organization also pays horrible wages to their employees. Just not wages anyone can live off of. And I have to make this point (even though robert egger already made it in 'begging for change.') What if an organization sends an employee out to volunteer with a little kid from a poorer community teaching them to read. But the reason that kids parents can't be there teaching them to read is because they work for that same organization and they make so little in wages that they have to work multiple jobs. Or their stressed. Or whatever. Volunteering isn't always enough. We can be more responsilble stewards of each other and the resources we have. Start where you are and watch the change ripple...

So yeah I don't know where my strenghts are best suited. Oh and another thing. I want to be involved in developing and empowering leaderswho choose to commit to these values. Time will tell and hopefully season because the time of year to apply for grad schools is fast approaching.

...

and where...

2009-04-29T11:14:00.001-07:00

I have a strong desire to run away from my life for a little while. It seems very childish. Or maybe a better way to say it is that my inner child feels the need to run away. Maybe it senses the impending doom of adulthood, ever growing responsibilities and lost idealism. And so therefore it wishes I would just run away to escape it all and find somewhere to play and remain a child forever in bliss. I am sure I am not alone in this.

I don't only feel I am facing reality but at the same time conforming into the world in such a way that I might never regain the strength to challenge it and then...

Exasperation. Frustration. Stalemate. Blah.

I wish only to be sorrounded by good friends, laughter, merriment and palm trees (or any trees, I guess).

Going back to this idea of guiding people along. It is very much what we are doing in our work and yet it feels so beyond human capability. Or does it? I am not sure but I struggle with previous notions I had that everyone was helpable and that everyone problem can somehow be solved. That idea has never been challenged in my mind and yet here I am. But I choose to belive it and I grasp it with all the energy I have left. Even if it is the most draining and painstaking work I will ever do I will believe that everyone, in deed, can be moved to a greater existence. Maybe it is not in our power to bring them there and that holds a truth we have to start seeing. Partnerships and alliances. People doing the work, connecting with people who can change the laws and systems connecting with the people who constantly find themselves worked on. I feel like we have been at this place sometime now ( a place with so many inequities and injsustices) and either we don't have the ability to move forward or we are simply not doing enough together to find a way.
But I know now how little we all know and how much we should be willing to learn.

"I wanted no more people coming to Kakuma unless they had no other choice. I wanted us to take care of ourselves, and to solve all this on our own, and to bring no innocents into the hole we had dug." What is the What

do you know the what?

2009-04-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've been reading Dave Eggers "What is the What." I started reading it because I felt I should read it because so many other people I know have read it. Who knows if that's the correct reason to engage myself with a book and story but ehh sometimes I'm a sheep.

The accounts in the book are quite harrowing. I am chilled at the thought what was happening in Sudan was not detached form the world. It happened in this same earth that we inhabit. It could be happening right now, while so many of us go on complelety disconnected. It's just interesting I guess.

We are all just carrying each other along. We hold each other in our decisions and our judgements and our actions and our indifference. We carry each other along. Who put this power in our hands.

me and the government have some unfinished business

2009-04-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to fill out a w-4. I'm waiting on the phone with the IRS. I owe them and now they are taking hours of my life and filling it with classical music and automated responses.

Take it all govies!!!

beautiful disaster

2009-04-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to a social entreprenuership conference on Temple's campus called "Local healthy food can transform our community." The conference focused on bringing nutrition and healthy food alternatives to the Philadelphia community. I went to to sessions, one on "Effective Food Nutrition Programs in Philadelphia" and a second one on "Getting great food into low socioeconomic urban areas." Both were very informative and discussed ways that local business and nonprofits were bringing nutrition education and food alternatives to underserved communities. Their was also some strong dialogue on barriers and opportunities. The organizations I got to hear from were:
www.thefoodtrust.org
www.urbantreeconnection.org
www.teens4good.orbius.com
www.weaversway.coop

I also got some awesome free snacks and met some cool cats. I went to a Marketing seminar yesterday where I got to hear from some industry professionals who spoke to us about marketing, pr and developing a plan on a small budget. I love these things, including the opportunity to run into people I saw at previous conferences! In my effort to stay abreast to whats going on in Philadelphia and be involved in as many ways as possible, I'm apart of the the AmeriCorps week planning committee. The committee is working on developing service projects for 100 AmeriCorps members. Right now, there are a few lot cleanups scheduled, but it would be great to have something more sustainable and far reaching for the community members. Not that clean lots don't have their significance!

I also just signed on for the Green economy task force job committee to help lay out some plans for green job trainings and opportunities in the Philadelphia community. Exciting! I have been engrossed in Van Jones book the Green economy and really trying to understand this possible new movement. The types of opportunities that come from this could be really transformative.
Work has been somewhat busy but I just developed this phenomenal to-do list using excel which has made my life so much easier, and COLOR CODED! Color coding things is like meditating to me, so euphoric.

Unfortunately I have been very tired, just so tired and I have no idea why. I can never seem to get enough sleep which is just poo oh and (drum roll please)

I GOT FOOD STAMPS!! It came at such a perfect time ($20 to my name folks) and I have fully stocked my kitchen and the ability to eat full meals every night is so fascinating to me. I am still getting over my grocery store anxiety. Since June I have had to keep my purchases under 60 bux and everything is counted and weighed and I have never been able to get all that I need and rationing has become my new pasttime. I don't complain though because I am still very fortunate. With food stamps I can return to eating healthy and nutritiously and being able to cook my own food at night is so empowering. The ability to choose and eat quality food has such value which cannot be underestimated. And here in Philly, many if not all farmers markets accept food stamps! My monthly allowance is $200. I officially filed for food stamps on January 28th and didn't receive them until last week due to lost paperwork and just blahness. Persistence payed off though and the money was applied retroactively so my food stamps came with about 400 on it plus the 200 I get for this month! Don't worry Mom, I won't spend it all at once!

Our client flow has picked up and we are feeling it. The end of tax season is fast approaching and despite the amount of taxes I have done for others I have yet to do my own, eeek. We have had really encouraging success and wonderful relationships developing. Still I feel a great deal of anxiety and sadness at times just encountering the challenges out there. There is so much that needs to be done system wise for our work to be more effective. It is very daunting and tiring. Last week I had a meeting with a social worker from a local legal assitance org. who shared housing resources with us. The point she drove home was that people need advocates in order to be successful. Yes they do.

Sunday Morning by Maroon 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWsfrHvUMZM

if you had one chance

2009-03-31T08:44:00.000-07:00

What does it take to change the world?

What does it take to end poverty?

What does it mean to be a leader?

I feel like this year has moved me closer to those answers and more. On Sunday, Philadelphia was hit with a wave of hail and a sporadic thunderstorm. Large pellets of water fell from the sky, pushing their way into the earth and flooding away the remnants of the winter. On Monday as I was walking to the subway I noticed there was a different smell in the air, something new painting the world around me: green. Green is my favorite color and I have never appreciated it more. Spring had sprung and green, lush, verdant life was emerging from the earth.

A volunteer just told me that in her meeting with a new client she was able to find a job for him and line up a house. Green, lush, verdant life emerging from the earth.

We live in a world of possibilities. I know that the present year has been lauded as a crisis but it is something much more precious, an opportunity. It's a wake up call, we've been going in the wrong direction, being uselessly exessive and unnecessarily proud. We have a new opportunity to make things better and more useful. If anything, we have been shown that we need to include more perspectives and voices in the work we do. We've got to realize how we are all connected, how our actions have consequences, not just for us but for so many others. We've got to keep up our enthusiasm in the face of seeminly immovable boundaries and we've got to be smart and understand the future as it relates to our actions in the present.

Green, lush, verdant life emerging from the earth. My life is my one chance to make in impact. There must be a God in this world, the way the earth seems with life. Yet we are here too and God flows through us. Has given us a piece of himself in hopes that we can all work together to bring this world to a greater place. And I am here to answer the call. I know that change is possible.

The challenge wasn't whether to buy a couple of bottles of champagne; it was instead not to take or privelege for granted and to use it in a way that served the world and our highest purpose.
Jacqueline Novogratz

Rise Above!!

2009-03-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

My God is the God of sunrises,the God of running into old friends because a traffic jam made you late.The God of cool breezes,who leaves lessons for life in the flowers.My God is the God of teachers just when you need them,and silver linings revealed when you had given up hope.The God that laughs when you make plans,but ensures you always get where you need to be.My God is the God of sunsets, who hugs you when a door is slammed shut,and winks at you through the window cracked open.My God is the God of song and dance, who prefers this form of prayer,and delights in creativity, and other expressions of love. My God smiles at me from the moon and stars and reminds me that life is never not perfect. Allison Mills

Where have I been oh blog, away away away....

But I miss you so I'm back.

I haven't really been busy but I have. A lot of wonderful things have happened and a lot of not so wonderful things. I feel somewhat lost, and lonely. At times I really enjoy that feeling because when I there I feel closer to being found, how odd.

It feels good to come back to you and it feels to come back to things in general. I am struggling now with my concept of God and my faith and my spiritual connection to those around me. I feel there are many thoughts about God I have convinced myself to believe but I am finding my own now. My own connection to a God that is bigger than me and anything I can create about him.

What I miss most now is community. A community centered around a common love. Does anyone else out there miss those things as well? I am wondering now how I can create those for myself. I'm not sure if I ever had those in my church, although I think that was the point. But my heart longs for something more real. Not things I have to convince myself of. Things that don't take effort but just are because they are. I long for authenticity.

I am thinking about moving to another apartment in Philadelphia. This saddens and excites me for many reasons. I love the little home that I created for myself but I long to be apart of a house and have others to come home to. But maybe this is the time for me to be in my own space. To leaern more about my place in this big world.

I'm also studying for the GRE and researching grad schools. It feels like the right time. I know what I want out of a program and I feel lead to this place in my life.

It has been a very rainy day in Philadelphia. I did not feel like doing much work and fortunately neither did many people in my office. But we did have a rush of clients at various points so that really brought us back to reality. It was a nice day, I really do enjoy overcast days. Sometimes the sun can just be so bright and overcast seems like a needed reprieve from all that.

So I have adopted this mentality in life now. It is called Rise Above. A couple of weeks ago I found myself becoming really negative and being dragged down by external forces. I decided to just let go of all that and rise above. To focus on the bigger things, respond not react and live a life I can be proud of. It is has been so refreshing. When you feel the rip currents of negativity pulling you in, rise above!

I got a new journal cause I had gotten close to the end of my old one. I usually never finish a journal just get a few pages to the end and then stop. I leave pages at the end cause there is always more to the story. But my journal has proven to be a faithful friend.

I guess, thats it....

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. Benjamin Button.

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but valuable. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void. Kathleen Kelly.

at this point in my life

2009-03-05T13:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe this week went by so fast.

Wonderful things have been happening in our office and in the lives of the people we work with. I am blessed, its been good and has brought a smile to my heart.

Today when one of our volutneers was trying to find a job for the client she was working with, she found a cruise ship singer position. So she asked out loud, "can anyone sing." At that moment all of the clients in the office began belting out their favorite tunes. It wasn't long before the volunteers joined in. It was magical. Although the answer to that question was a definitive no and so the job search continues.

I can see the joy we bring people and we're bringing it all day long.

And there are days it feels daunting, absolutely. Particularly when you look at the dropout numbers, and when you look at what's not serving the students in the United States well. But then there are other times, you know, days like these when you're in a small school like this and it's exhilarating because you see the possibility. And it's the possibility that makes us keep working on this. Melinda Gates

saw it there

2009-03-02T09:18:00.000-08:00

A snow storm rolled in last night and today our offices and most places in the city are closed. I came in today to e-mail the volunteers and call clients. All things, I realized, I could've done from home. I intended to stay for just an hour but of course I got into my e-mails. And then I need to purchase some plane tickets back to Ft. Lauderdale for next week. And then there was just some things to set up for upcoming absence from the office.

So now it is 12:20 and I am still here. Not really wanting to leave. Not that I'm a workaholic, I just feel comforted being in the office. A certain since of normalcy. You blink these days, and everything changes. I might go downtown to Rittenhouse. It is my favorite place to be when it snows.

the sun is shining!

2009-02-26T11:08:00.000-08:00

and it is getting warmer!

I had this wonderful observation about the work we're doing in our office. On one hand we come face to face with poverty, social inequity and injustice. But on the other we are growing this dedicated and empowered leaders who can (and I believe will) make the differences that need to be made.

It is an odd and inspiring thing to be in the midst of these two realities.

Yet the future has never seemed brighter.

ready or not

2009-02-25T07:12:00.000-08:00

Each time I meet with a client, it grabs a part of me. So much so that I worry I will have nothing left when I leave this job. This morning I met with a man who has struggled with drug addiction but wants so much to better his life. I had to bear down to keep the tears from coming. I don't know why it moves me so much.
Maybe I'm tired.
Or maybe I feel his struggle and see his pain and sense how much he needs help and wonder if at all I can give him that. And I cry for his past and his sense of rootlessness and the emptiness he must feel. I feel the void that he must leave in his children's life and how much that pain must weigh on him at times. He lives in a shelter. Shelter life is like a warzone. I don't speak from experience, only from the stories I hear. People in them just want to get out of them but there don't seem to be any clear paths.
In addition, for those that have felony records they are met by a constant barrage of stop signs and dead ends. Lacking little support, they resign to a sense of worthlessness and despair. A hell that very few have the resiliency to emerge from.
I want so much to help him, our office to assist him but I know the limits of what I can do and I wonder what will the others that are on his path contribute to his movement forward. Every life has worth, even if the one living it realizes that very late in life. How can we contribute to the success and growth of all the people I encounter.
In a way I try to stay detached from my emotions, they only serve to do me harm. I tend to get so passionate and absorbed and face only resistance if I refuse to take things as they are. But that way seems like a death. Sometimes you have to get angry and be upset and cry and feel the pain that others feel. Moving through this world unscathed by its atrocities only perpetuates them. I sat there as he poured himself out to me, so unabashed at what he might lose by being so vulnerable. And I felt him and in my naivety responded that I understood, but I don't, I don't have any clue.

Listening to Obama last night, I had this renewed sense of hope at what our government and country can do to bring opportunities to those that sit at the periphery of our existence, and now I feel that, although a little less. Maybe now with a little bit more grounding in the reality of the many lives that get overlooked and under appreciated. I feel it is my duty in some way to contribute to a change. Even if I only begin the ripple, I can't leave this world without contributing to the end of what suffering that I see. But I don't know what the best way is. I can see the ways more effective government structures could bring broader changes for all but inevitably people fall through the cracks of policies, even the best ones. It is then up to all of us, or for those that feel the sense of responsibility, to encourage individuals, to make a way for them. I just know that we can.

Make a difference
Use this degree which you
have earned to increase
virtue in your world

your people, all people
are hoping that you are
the ones to do so

the order is large
the need immense
but you can take heart
for you know that you

have already shown courage
and keep in mind
one person, with good purpose
can, constitute the majority
since life is our most precious gift
and since it is given to us to live but once
let us so live that we will not regret
years of uselessness and inertia
...
you will be surprised that these years of
sleepless nights and months of uneasy
days will be rolled into
and altering event called the
'good old days.' and you will not
be able to visit them even with an invitation
since that is so you must face your presence
you are prepared
go out and transform your world

Maya Angelou "Letter to my Daughter"

what do you love...

2009-02-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

I heard love lists are theraputic and I would appreciate that right now, the order doesn't mean anything, consider it stream of conciousness. And I won't list people because I try very hard to love all of the people in my life:

1. The way the light flows through my window on Sunday mornings. It seems like liquid gold and the warmth of the sun feels like home on my skin. I love it.
2. Feeling a sense of peace. Recently my body has felt tense and unsettled and busy. Peace is possible.
3. My torquoise fireplace. The color reminds me of the essence of life.
4. The arts. going to museums. listening to new music. watching shows. We need the arts. I need the arts. It is the soul and heart of what we do, its redeeming and liberating. Expressing yourself through the
5. My job.
6. Being the best version of myself.
7. Florida Gators.
8. The movie I am Sam
9. Reconnecting with the people in my life, sharing our lives, support and caring and being an encouragement.

This weekend was our leadership team retreat. It was well received by all our team members and at the end of the week they had bonded in such wonderful and powerful way. It made me very proud. Yet it was all so tiring and all I wanted to do was sleep, just sleep forever. But alas, this morning it was back to the grind.

I was reminded of the power and delicateness of idealism in this world. How do you go out and change the world without the world changing you? And when/how do you find the balance between the change that becomes inevitable and necessary and the change that just doesn't feel right.

I recently read this in the Times http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/22/education/22fafsa.html?ref=education. It reinforced some of the work we've been doing in our office. Namely taking advantage of the new FAFSA application used by our partner.

anywhere but here

2009-02-17T15:22:00.000-08:00

Today, after a meeting, I had to go to CVS to print off some pictures of our volunteers for our vol board. As I was looking at their little faces I teared up. The CVS lab photo guy gave me a sympathetic smile and I had to restrain myself from blurting out..."I love these guys." But I do. I really do.

I feel emotionally cluttered. Very uneasy and off and torn and smooshed. I'm starting reading essential teachings from the Dalai Lama. It has already given my sould a sense of calm that I yearn for. I need to wash, clean my room.

I want to go to Australia.

I have also become inwardly frustrated by the daily inequities I see in the poorer urban areas of Philadelphia. Since I moved here and started working in North Philadelphia there have been a few buildings that looked abandoned and shut down. Now they're open and I know what they are, H&R blocks and Jackson Hewitts. I am sure that these tax places mean no harm but that doesn't pull them away from the reality that they do harm. As I was walking around the neighborhood today I was just, ehh, I don't even know the feeling. Maybe disgust, shame, frustration, sadness. Here are these people who get swarmed in on and victimized and battered and have no one to speak up for them.

I don't even feel I have room to take credit for the work I do. I constantly wonder about the work I am doing. There is a very thin line between helping people and enabling them. And while most of the time I know that our work is helping, a few instances bring my intentions into question and I wonder about it all.

What have I come here to do? Who am I in all of this? Am I the person I want to be? Is change happening? Are comfortale enough with change to let it happen?

I'm hurting...and for what I don't know. But hurting none the less. I have found myself in this place of questioning and confusion. Nothing seems clear or absolute and I wonder, what am I doing? What are we all doing here?

I was sitting in church on Sunday, listening to my pastor. Sermons that used to bring me such peace and understanding now only bring up questions in my head. And I think, cynically, how easy must the problems of the world be to a person who believes that poor will always be with us.

'Look around this world that we call 'civilized' and that for more than 2000 years has searched to obtain happiness and avoid suffering by false means: trickery, corruption, hate, abuse of power and exploitation of others. We have searched only for individual and material happiness, opposing people against each other; one race against another, social systems against others. This has led to a time of fear, of suffering, murder and famine...It is because each person has looked only for his own profit without fear of oppressing others for selfish goals, and this sad and pitiful world is the result. The root of this civilization is rotten, the world suffers, and if it continues in this way, it suffer more and more.' The Dalai Lama.

running past the madness

2009-02-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have those weeks where you feel like you're getting smooshed or compressed in some sort of large awkward smooshing machine...really well I do!

The next few weeks seem to be a neverending surge of activities. Today I have off in honor of President's Day, whatever that means. But then the rest of this week will be spent preparing for our leadership team retreat this weekend. Tomorrow half of the day will be spent planning a conference workshop that I will help facilitate next weekend. And then Thursday our office will be hosting our organization's CEO.

I hate to laud these things as 'oh look at my busy week. I'm so busy and awesome. Busy me' but it just feels like a lot and really, come on, everyone loves to feel important. And then there is that upcoming week in DC for our next training/meeting/shinding/mushing over my beloved coworkers. I have been juggling these feelings of feeling like a failure, feeling overwhelmed, feeling inspired and feeling incredibly energized. My body also yearns to rest, just to take a breather and not feel the constant pushing and yearning of my desire to do something. But then I really don't have this acheiver yearning and I have no desire to do anything but merely to learn and be and more importantly be of service.

My apartment is a disaster zone ready to implode. But I'm treating it like Wall Street. The constant mess will at some moment explode within itself and then ,of course, the government will bail me out. Why be responsible when you can be dependent!

I love the work I do yet it keeps me in a state of questioning, altertness, awareness and frustration. Never a sense of peace. The closest I get is contemplation which is really the quiet before the storm. Am I rambling.

So have I learned anything recently. Let me enlighten you:

Pride comes before the fall

You don't really know anything you think you know

There is always work to be done

No man is an island, we must function as teams to get things done

Cherry coke is adictive, in the worst possible most ungodly way

Idealism is nice although pragmatisim is necessary in order to get things done

There is usually a path to the solution you're in search of.

IT SNOWED 8 INCHES!!

2009-02-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I spent three hours in the welfare office.

I have begun the journey of getting food stamps. I officially filled out my application last week. I have heard from my fellow SC's that have also applied for food stamps, that the process is frustraing demoralizing exhausting and tedious.

They were proven right.

The packet I got in the e-mail told me to get to the welfare office by 11:00am to meet my case manager. 'DON'T BE LATE' was boldly printed across the top. So I got there at 10:40 am waited in line to tell them I was there and have them page my case worker to come get me. I sat down and waited and waited and waited. I was ironically sitting in front of a sign on one of the windows that reported on how it is important to wait and that when you really value something you wait and wait. So I did, patiently and respectfully. Then it was 1:30 and well I just couldn't wait anymore. There were a couple also sitting in the large room who had been there since 8:30am and I didn't want that to be my story. And I saw one person after another go into see their case managers. I got up and went to the customer service lady who, despite the fact that no one was waiting to speak to her, made me sign to ask her a question. I let her know that I had been waiting for a while and no one had come out. She told me to go wait in line again. So I did, waiting and waiting. We wait for things we value.

I get up to the line and let her know that I had been waiting and no one had come out. She told me she needed to check her records to make sure I had signed in early. I had. I told her my case manager and then the customer service woman who had told me to go wait in line turned around and said 'he's not in today.'

Goshdamit.

So I was told to wait while they figured out what was going on.

I was then pulled to the back by a woman who was ready to leave and in fact left before I even finished getting my stuff together. She told me that my case manager wasn't there and neither was the man who picks up his load. So I was told to leave my documents with the front desk. So I got in line to wait again. Then I handed the documents to be copied one by one. What should've been an easy task, take the paper I'm giving you, copy it, check it off on the list, turned into 20 minutes of 'you didn't give me that paper' 'yes I did' 'no you didn't' 'it's right there next to your arm' 'Oh I'm sorry.'

And then I left and that was my day. How can a system that so many people depend on be so horribly inefficient. I was lucky, I could still go home and get something to eat. But there were people there pleading for their cards because they didn't have food for their kids that night or medicine or they hadn't been able to get in contact with their case manager for weeks. I'm sure that these workers are overworked and undersupported but my gosh.

I have learned from that experience that their is a culture of poverty. You can't be patient, you can't expect that people have your best interest at heart, you can't expect that if you show up on a time anyone will give a damn. In fact you can't really expect that anyone will give a damn. People waste your time like it's their jobs. I wasn't mad, I was contemplative. Not discouraged but engaged with what can be done to make the lives of the poor lease burdened. But it was only the first step. It brings new insight into a recent article I read http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/02/us/02welfare.html?ref=politics.

In lighter news, it snowed. Here are some pictures from my hood:

Hey Self Awareness

2009-01-30T06:41:00.001-08:00

I had such a huge moment of self awareness last night during a meeting.

Sometimes I should be humble, but sometimes I need to step up and lead. I have a very participative style to leading which I think is really important but there are distinct times when I have a vision and people want to follow not necessarily give input input input. In those times I need to be willing to say, here it is what do you think, these are the roles I see all of us playing.

I find it difficult to lead anybody on anything. It isn't a role I would choose but sometimes you find yourself standing somewhere and you turn around and there are a line of people looking for you. I like circles more than lines. With our student leadership team I have found that things go much easier when you ask questions to faciliate thier inner dialogue as opposed to assuming that the right answer is on the tip of your tongue. But at the same time I do have a valuable perspective that I should contribute.

This may all be very confusing but the bottom line is balance. Balancing all of these different roles and perspectives and intentions. Hmm....

In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on things you have long taken for granted.
Bertrand Russell

The first people had questions and they were free. The second people had answers and they were forever enslaved.
Native American saying

Don't cry...

2009-01-28T13:10:00.000-08:00

I love this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prCiLeP0cbg&feature=related

I thought it was snow

2009-01-28T09:15:00.000-08:00

But it wasn't, it was ice.
We were hit with an ice storm and this morning was absolute craziness getting to work. All of the schools in the city are closed. Every org. in our building is closed except for (drum roll) us. Our clients canceled for the day and I told a few of our volunteers to just not worry about coming in. It still gives me a lot of time to get things done. I wasn't sure of how or if to close our office. Besides we have a LAB meeting today

Last night I had the pleasure of attending a book talk at the library. Azar Nafisi wrote the book 'Reading Lolita in Tehran' and has a new book out called 'Things I've been silent about.' It was a phenomenal book talk where she discussed the importance of reading and books, finding freedom in oppresive situations and the importance of connecting with our past. I loved how she discussed how books connect us to people we should be connected to in a way that not many other mediums can. She also discussed how love is imperfect in fact she defined perfection as death. "Life is beautiful and dynamic because it is imperfect" she mused with us. She also noted her hope for a march on Washington that is more than a march but becomes a national dialogue. It was inpsiring. Although, at the end, some of the questions that the audience shared were incredibly invasive. There were notable gasps, awky turtle!!
If I had a chance to ask a question, I would've hoped to ask her about her relationship with her female identity and how it has been shaped by the culutre of Iran that she comes from. I feel like here in America, even though we have many rights we didn't have years ago, we are past many struggles and are complacent in what we have received. In many ways we have not engaged in a dynamic relationship with what it means to be a woman in our culutre. Especially considering all it took to bring us here to this place where a woman can run for President and then be beaten, by a black man, whose middle name is Hussein. That is big! Something has shifted and continues to shift and as we gain this greater tolerance and freedom and inclusion, does our relation to ourselves began to change as well. I'd like to share this article...http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/23/education/23gap.html.

I'm excited about the chance to go to talks and book readings. Tonight after our LAB meeting I'm hoping to go to a discussion at Penn on the causes of homelessness. Both domestic and international. If I make it, I'll be back with insights!

eek, aak, ook

2009-01-27T10:20:00.001-08:00

I'm not really sure why this happens, but as soon as my to-do list gets longer I get less interested in tackling it.

We've had another busy time at the office. While it's exciting to see the influx of clients and the interactions between them and their volunteers. It is at times overwhelming to see the great need of this community. Yet my cup overfloweth because we have a mostly dedicated team and a wonderful leadership team and great work is being done...

I had a really wonderful conversation this morning with one of our leadership team members. She is such a sensitive soul and I'm thankful that she is apart of our team. Her insight and conversations always bring me back to the heart of what we are doing.
Today we discussed race relations in the city and the effects of gentrification on current city residents.
When college students/white residents/ move into a low-income community residents can easily become displaced as prices raise and movers try to 'improve' the neighborhood. It makes you wonder, how can we build inclusive communities that bring different people together and eliminate hostility when the system works against this. In economic terms, builders are going to go after what brings them the greatest utility and so what if their is a way to build incentive into keeping communities integrated...

I'm working with a client now and , although I don't think this is the role I should be adopting, I feel parental. She is about to age out of a lot of programs that can really get her back on her feet but she hasn't been going to any of the things we've told her about. I feel for her. A lot of times in our office we see people who have no idea how to have choices. It's frustrating but yet is a symptom of a larger issue.
Poverty is a multi-faceted issue but across the board, there is one thing that could've kept the clients we work with out of our office: education. An education that is effective and strong and prepares people for the lives they are meant to live. I recently found about this trully inspiring organization called Philly student union. http://home.phillystudentunion.org/. This organization is made up of high school students who are working together to improve the Philadelphia School district. It's inspiring to see people stand up and fight for what they deserve.
The fight makes us stronger, makes it worth it, makes it sweeter
right...

Calling all Angels by Jane Siberry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6Hl7bpSbMo

Quote: Be the example; spread the hope. Cat Cora

I have to wear professional clothes to work...

2009-01-26T10:08:00.000-08:00

What is service? http://www.soulflares.org/index.php?main_page=document_general_info&products_id=327

whoa...Not only was last week absolute madness but it looks like we're going to be mucho busy for the rest of the semester.

But so many exciting things have happened. Like last week we met with the director of the largest men's shelter (and the intake place for all of the men shelters in Philadelphia) to talk about partnering. Due to budge cuts they had to layoff all of their case managers. Fortunately we're in the community. We've been doing presentations every week and have already seen a few of the men from the shelter.

We also have a meeting next week with a rep. from another organization. They need volunteers to help do taxes for their people. We have volunteers trained on taxes, the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

And I'm working on a new iniative in our office (with our new intern) that is focused on FAFSA and college resource access. So much awesomness that I'm too excited to type it. Anyway we're setting up a meeting with Philadelphia YouthBuild to start working with thier families and students... sweetness!!!!

Yesterday we had our six hour volunteer training. It was the second time I've planned and faciliated one of those long boogers. Despite being an absolute pain in the butt to plan they are actually quite fun. We have a great leadership team and I'm looking forward to seeing them grow in these positions.

After the training I had a holiday party with my fellow Lush employees. It was SOOO much fun!! We went to this fancy restaurant in the city ($25 a person limit!!!) that I would never be able to afford to go to. I laughed all night it was a great ending.

Quick update for you ballers, I'll be back with reflections and musings at a later time!! Peace!!'

Also..the funniest part of my day included this:
PS35AGDewey (11:18:19 AM): how how it be? Are you teaching?
craniumkayak (11:42:27 AM): lol yeah - my laptop is being projected onto a large screen, and so i can't talk because my kids are watching and they can read now....
PS35AGDewey (11:42:38 AM): hey kids!!!!
craniumkayak (11:42:41 AM): we're about to watch a national geographic video
PS35AGDewey (11:42:54 AM): National Geographic is soooo cooolllll!!!
PS35AGDewey (11:42:57 AM): Bye Kids!!!
craniumkayak (11:43:08 AM): lol they say hey "asley" (they don't know their "sh" sound well yet)
PS35AGDewey (11:43:38 AM): You kids treat my friend Brittney well she's the best teacher you'll ever have!!!! Go Learning and Go Gators!!1
craniumkayak (11:44:14 AM): their doing the gator chomp at the screen right now - i have them conditioned
craniumkayak (11:44:19 AM): bye asley!

Yes we can

2009-01-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

I am not an emotional person.
But watching the swearing in of Obama and then hearing his speech afterwards, that resembled more of a call to arms, I teared up.
We had a hard time with the internet feed so me and five of our volunteers headed down to the YouthBuild floor because we heard they had some big screens hooked up. Alas! So we sneaked in and sat on the floor sorrdounded by about 100 hard-working youth and staff. I read this in the paper today..."it would be the kind of experience that he inspired throughout the election to just stand there, with a bunch of people that don’t share your background, that you have nothing in common with, watching this thing happen." Youth Build is a program that allows youth who have dropped out of high school to obtain there high school diploma. All of the students also do community service, building homes for low-income families, and are considered AmeriCorp members. Here we were, college grads and college students who in many circumstances would have no other opportunity to interact or even feel like there was much we had in common with these students, sharing this experience. Sharing a hope.
That was that moment. I can't even find the words but I believed change was possible. It was refreshing and inspiring and I believed that changed was possible. I believe its possible because it begins with me and you and all of us. We have to take responsibility for the world we want to create, and for the world we hope to give to our children. We have to believe that great things are possible. In a world of loss and segregation and despair and poverty and all other ills, believing has more power than we allow ourselves to see.
But in the end, we have to get up and so something and say something , fight for something and not settle for anything less.
As I work to assemble our volunteers and prepare our office for the work we are going to do, I have a renewed hope that we can overcome this world and that we can change things. I believe it cause we are...

We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. Barack Obama.

Desire by Ryan Adams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqGqIWEAnq4&feature=related (crappy version of an awesome song)

are you ready to serve?

2009-01-17T09:18:00.001-08:00

It is sooooo cold.

So cold that my face hurts.

I am very excited because I have a saturday off from Lush. I love wandering around the city, even if it is cold. I look forward to getting down to the Target in South Philly and check out some rainboots/golashes. Indian buffets. Sleeping in (done and done) and just having MY time. It's so wonderful.

At the end of my work week yesterday I was flooded with some conflicting feelings. On one side I felt like a champion. I had gotten most of my to-do list scratched off and felt really succesful. But then we had a family of four come in, in desperate need of emergency housing. They were going to become homeless in the next couple of weeks. They had already done some research on their own so when our volunteer started working with them there wasn't much more we could offer them. They told us that they were constantly being told that they were too functional to recieve aid. Since no one in the family was on drugs or being abused it was difficult to find services. There had been many times, they said, when they discussed who would hit who first or who would take a hit of a substance just so they could be eligible for aid.It was heartbreaking to listen to this as their 10 and 3 year old children sat behind them.

So there I was feeling like I was on top of the world and at that same time feeling like I could do nothing to save it. Feeling like a hero and feeling so helpless. In times like these I do well by reminding myself of natural limitations in our ability to serve people, still it doesn't completely eliminate the care and concern you develop for people and your desire to make things right for them.

I am reminded that I love my job but I can't stay at this level of service forever. There is much more to be done and changed and it has to happen at a level far above what we have available now. Yet there is still a need in our society for acts of service that, however small they are, are instrumental in keeping peoples head above water. Listening, connecting, creating a sense of community, reaching out and doing what you can with you have. However big the problems of this world may be, we must know that the only limitations we face in solving them are the ones we create.

Sgt. Gunn

2009-01-14T10:55:00.000-08:00

What my day has looked like:

Woke up with a cold
Woke up to 0 degree weather
Had waffles with peanut butter on the, mmmm.
Got to work on time!
Checked and delted e-mails
Interviewed potential Summer Director candidate
Did intake for new client
Ordered office supplies and supplies for our leadership team training (yeah I love Staples)
Tweaked volunteer schedule and scheduled vols for the semester
Had my first cup of hot chocolate of the winter
Ate delicious leftovers
Planning for Leadership team training
Signed up for training on how to do taxes in prep. for tax season
Zoned out while listening to Keb'Mo (who else loves this mans music)
Finished up my self evaluation and evaluation for my co SC and sent them in
Searched high and low for our internship agreement that I need to return. Couldn't find it. E-maild to get a new one.
Finalized date for LD training
Realize it's only 2

While planning out our leadership team training, which is more cumbersome than I could've ever imagined, I suddenly had this feeling that I was assembling a small army. A small army that will join together to fight poverty in the North Philadelphia community. It was an exciting feeling and quite empowering. Bringing people to do something big, someting profound, something that will change the world , this is my job. Haha I am reminded of when I was in Gainesville last week (just last week, :(. ) sitting at the Swamp with my old FAB group and just chatting it up and we went off on this tangent about Captain Planet. Forces combine. The show was great, but don't you always feel bad about that little kid with the heart ring. I mean heart. Anyway tangent! I wake up every morning very excited to get to work and I've been trying to place that feeling so I need to wake up every morning and feel and know that the work I'm doing is making a difference and the lives are changed for the better because I showed up. It doesn't have to be this major thing either, just something you believe in. So I guess the heart part is important...

sinus headache

2009-01-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

That is all I can think of right now. The immense pressure building behind my forehead and the aches and pains. I think I may be coming down with a cold which is highly unfortunate because I have this huge to-do list which could care less about my health.

Today was a busy day with clients. It was pretty much back to back client meetingsvfrom 1 until about an hour ago. Although still successful. Our clients are so thankful and I'm not sure how to take it. I think it would be a much better world if we came to expect the best of others and believe that we are in an enviornment we are cared for. But I guess that is rare.

I also am still in the midst of working our our leadership team training and refining our volunteer schedule. I keep dreading it like the plague, I thought I enjoyed planning things. Yet today I found out I don't. I get more energized by those in the moment spontaneous things. Although I did find out some really good news that made me really happy.

Oh my, I think my head might explode. I'm going to head home...

live your life

2009-01-12T13:47:00.000-08:00

I'm back and of course Philly welcomed me in with open arms.
I had the most magical weekend at CBC as usual. What I love about my experiences at camp is that you get to give 100% of yourself to these kids who are so thankful and so wonderful and so brave. The very first moment the girl I played with this weekend got out of the car she hid behind her aunt, by the end of the night she wouldn't let go of my arm and by the end of the weekend she was performing in the talent show with her two new friends. At the end of camp they gave us these tokens that say safe, loved, protected. I have to believe that is the environment that I created for her and this is what our service and our presence on earth should be about. Helping others to feel safe, loved and protected. I left on such a high but yet still very sad.
I would've never guessed that leaving Gainesville the second time around would be so hard. Today my boss came into the office which was nice because and mentioned that is hard being so far away from familiar faces. I teared up and that's when I had my aha moment about what I feel.
When I came back to Philly, it felt like another place but not home. But I believe you can build home, you can create that feeling and those relationships. But it's so hard to feel so close to people yet so far away. It's much harder than I imagined. Yet in the same way, I am so lucky to have so many people to love and so many moments to treasure and with the knowledge that there are more to come.
I've been back at work, working all day. I finally got back into my groove around one although still not quite there. I got home last night and realized that I needed serious grocery shopping done and serious washing of my clothes. And back to the real world...

Live your Life by TI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC2qPx0WRY0&feature=related

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying good-bye so hard.

...we'll say hello again

2009-01-07T06:51:00.000-08:00

Gainesville and my time at UF hold a special place in my heart. I've enjoyed my time here and even after a year I can still walk down the walkways and run into people I know. It won't be like that forever. And while I'm here I'm realizing that one day this will all be a memory very soon, the faces and the times I had. It won't ever be the same.
But the best part has been the opportunity to reconnect, face to face, with people that mean so much to me.
I love that my 07 FAB trip can still get together and laugh our asses off about the most ridiculous and irrelevant stuff. Also that the simple things like riding a friends bike through campus can be so exhilarating I am so very happy.

The Game is fast approaching and my fingers are crossed for a big win. Send all your good vibes to the Gators...

let it be

2009-01-05T05:54:00.000-08:00

I am in Gainesville!!

So the holidays and the time off from work were incredible. I really enjoyed spending time with my family. Hi family!!!
I took the much needed break from work to reflect on the past semester and rest rest rest!! I flew into Florida on Saturday and have really enjoyed my time here. It feels like coming home. My intention is to do as little as possible. I merely want to be here, enjoying my time away from the city.
I can't express how much I love it here, it feels like I never left. So many wonderful memories and times and so many wonderful people here that I missed.
I have lunch today with an old advisor followed by a reunion dinner with some friends.

I miss my job though and am going to be using some of my time here to get some things done, now that I'm in a different state of mind.
Well hello and goodbye friends, enjoy your life family and friends. Be back soon.

wonderful time of the year

2008-12-24T11:13:00.000-08:00

So I've spent the past three days in such bliss. I feel so rested ahh I can't even explain. Even though I've still had to work at Lush it hasn't been that bad. I also have been going through my phone calling people I haven't touched bases with in a while. WOW! I forgot how many wonderful people I know. There are also a couple of people who have been going through the same challenges I have and I wish I had touched bases with them earlier. Anywho it has been wonderful.

I am enjoying my days although I had a loop dream that I missed my train for Christmas. It leaves at 4:55 tomorrow morning. I need all the good Karma I can get to make sure I can get up and to the train station at that time.

Merry Christmas all!!

lessons that will help in the new year

2008-12-22T11:02:00.000-08:00

THE SIX TENSIONS OF LEADING CHANGE
The idea is to find a balance between these

I.
Catalyze change
Champion an initiative or a significant change, consistently promote it, and encourage others to get on board.
vs.
Cope with transition
Recognize and address the personal and emotional aspects of change.

II.
Show a sense of urgency
Demonstrate the need to take action; accelerate the pace of change.
vs.
Demonstrate realistic patience
Know when and how to slow the pace so that people can cope and adapt.

III.
Be tough
Make difficult decisions without hesitation or second-guessing.
vs.
Be empathetic
Take others' perspectives into account; understand the impact of your actions and decisions.

IV.
Show optimism
See the positive side of any challenge; convey that optimism to others.
vs.
Be realistic and open
Speak candidly about the situa¬tion, and don't shy away from dif¬ficulties; admit personal mistakes.

V.
Be self-reliant
Be confident in your ability to handle new challenges.
vs.
Trust others
Be open to others' input and sup¬port; allow them to do their part.

VI.
Capitalize on strengths
Know your personal and organizational strengths; confidently apply them to new situations and circumstances.
vs.
Go against the grain
Show willingness to learn and try new things--even when the process is difficult or painful.

Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are. Rachel Naomi Remen

what you learn when you burn

2008-12-22T10:54:00.000-08:00

Ha. The past few days have been good.
I wanted to read a few passages from the Bible but could not
find mine. So I read the next best thing, my journal. Oohhh hope that isn't sac-relig. But there were some startling insights. I mean Startling, with a capital S. One was a note I had written to myself about how to deal with difficult situations:
Ask, How can I use this experience to become the kind of person my soul longs to be?
How can I use this lesson so that others can learn from me and maybe bypass a difficult life experience? How can I use this incident to heal my own heart? How can I use this lesson to help the healing of the planet?
Deep I know, but I hope to continue to reflect on those questions. Oh the lessons I've taught myself.

I need to go home and clean a little but I ventured out to get some fresh air. I've had enough, back to my little home.

home

2008-12-19T14:24:00.000-08:00

This has been such a year, when I think about it all I breath a deep sigh looking forward to 2009. I have so much to learn, so much to learn...

Here are some thoughts though from other NSPers about their experience with our organization. I know I'm probably being gusy but one day I'll look back and I want to not only remember how happy I felt I want it to inspire me again.

from Jordan
A lot was said in the election about Community Organizing. It seemed to be the single most life-changing, perspective-giving part of President-elect Obama's life. It has really been hitting me that, while it may not feel that profound every second of every day to me, that we are all doing the exact same thing. The reason it is my biggest priority to connect with all of you more is that we are all embarking on what is probably going to be the most profound, life-changing experience of our entire lives. We are all going to go on to do different and amazing things, but I am sure that this time of service for all of us will be seen as one of the biggest moments of our lives. I am honored to be sharing it with all of you.
***CONTINUED FROM ABOVE***-Since I began in the NW Philly office almost 5 years ago, I loved the work of NSP. However, what completely captivated me and made me a life-long NSPer was when I went to my first national training (SD 2005 training) and, what was back then the August conference, and got to meet and experience the people. The people of NSP are some of the most amazing on Earth. You all are naturally bright, funny, intelligent, witty, passionate, enthusiastic, energetic, compassionate, sensitive, kind, caring, cool, hardworking, and utterly smart. You all have chosen to value people, live with integrity, fight for justice, treat others with dignity and respect, spread awareness, and serve others. To be honest, I did not know that people like you existed before I found NSP and I still have yet to meet your equals in any other setting. The fact that I am able to be around people like you is such a great thing for me and the fact that people like you have accepted me as one of your own is the greatest honor of my life. Although I have not been in constant communication with all of you, please know that I love and respect each and every one of you to the highest degree and am truly honored to work and serve with you. You all are such an inspiration to me and I thank you for everything that you are.

If you have made it this far, I am eternally impressed and grateful have your back forever. Just call on me and I'll be there.

from Laura

I am continually inspired and amazed by everyone in NSP. I can't imagine any other organization where I would feel so supported, valued, challenged, and fulfilled on a daily basis, and where I would have such respect and admiration for everyone I have the honor of working with. In starting to think about next year, this has become all the more clear. I've decided though that I'm not going to get stressed about the future, because that would take away from being fully present in every day that I'm here at NSP. You have all given me a lot to be grateful for, and I hope you all have most wonderful, happy, healthy, and safe holidays!

from Colin
I can’t tell you how thankful I am for being able to work at NSP. Everyday I hear horror stories of people who dislike their job, their co-workers, (not to mention those that are unable to find work) and I’m reminded of just how lucky I am. I can honestly say that I love and enjoy every person at NSP (how they keep bringing great people into the organization is beyond me) and love my job and the difference I’m able to make in individuals lives, from clients to volunteers, and to the larger community. Very few people can say that.

Don't stop believing...

One who loves you the most

2008-12-18T09:59:00.000-08:00

I found these awesome pictures of our awesome group...

gray room

2008-12-18T09:00:00.001-08:00

My desk is crazy!!! This has been such a task filled week but at least it has made the days go by faster. Since this is our last week open there have been a lot of things to get turned in, loose ends to get wrapped up, e-mails to send out, meetings to attend, volunteers to appreciate and of course making sure our clients have access to resources while we're gone.

Yesterday was our Local Adivsory Board meeting which was very successful and well attended by all of our board members. Our LAB is made up of members of the Philadelphia community who advise us on the role of our office in relation to the issues affecting the Philadelphia community. I'm consistently amazed by our student leaders and the amount of vision and tenacity they have. Sarah our Local Director from the West also attended the meeting and shared some of the work she has been doing on community resources in the West community with Dr. Harkavy at Penn.

We also had some great discussions about the issues in Philadelphia that will affect our services in our office. Case managers at local homeless shelters are being let go because of budget cuts. The Case managers are the staff members at homeless shelters that assist residents in getting their lives back togethers. Essentially we are going to see more people going into the homeless shelters with less to no people assisting them move out of them. While this is very discouraging it shows that our services are going to be even more essential in this time of need.

A similar issue resulted in some intense discourse back and forth with our leadership team. I had recently read an article about the lack of guidance counselors in Philadelphia schools and the affect this was having on college attainment for Philly high school students http://www.philly.com/philly/news/local/36121124.html. We had a discussion about what if any service we could be in this time. Especially since the system that we use to sign people up for public benefits is adding a FAFSA application. One of our site coordinators didn't feel like it was really our place or the best use of our skills but at our LAB meeting a couple of our board members brought up the same issue and suggested that we provide some services. I was relieved to hear some more support for our at least developing some resource energy to it but it was a tense moment. It made me wonder, should I speak up about issues that I am passionate about and find relevant or just hold back to avoid making ripples that might cause too much discomfort. In the end, if it helps us become more effective at serving the needs of the Philadelphia community, I'd have to go for speaking up...

I had some tear jerkers of client meetings. Since we've been a little slower I've had time to sit down and really talk to my clients and learn more about the stories that brought them to our office. I always wrestle with revealing client stories even if I don't include their names but in summary I can say that the routes that bring our clients here is a maze of bad decisions, bad luck, an unforgiving system and last hope. I feel like that scene in the Grinch where his heart grows beyond its size. I feel like my ability to love and care and not judge has grown much beyond what I've been capable of. I don't think I've been surprised much by what I've seen pertaining to bureacracy and the issues of the poverty. Although my understanding has deepend greatly and I've learned much more about the human aspect. The faces behind the statistics. I've grown from that.

I've also learned so much from the wonderful organization I'm apart of. Work within our regional team has been tense at times but that's to be expected in a field where passions run high and everyone seems to come in with a mission and a vision, unprepared to compromise or collaborate. But we all have a heart for our clients and have proven that there are different ways to support the community and the work we do. I've also taken sometime to go through all of our vols feedback and learn what we can better do to support them because, well, they are the ones that do client service and its important that we reach down from our clouds of ideas and jobs to give the information to our vols so that that information will reach our clients who could care less about our disagreements.

I wouldn't want to be anywhere else in the world although I do miss my friends and family. I'm very excited about the Holiday and break.
I don't think I've ever made a New Years resolution but if I was to make one it would be to work more on what I found is important to me, the people in my life. To stay in touch more and learn more from them, even the ones I don't really care that much for.

Besides, does any of us really know what we're doing...

Merry Christmas!

I'll share a quote from one of my vols:

One day while looking for jobs, I was beginning to join client in his momentary discouragement, feeling as though everything was out of my hands, feeling under the full weight of the realization that there is only so much NSP and me personally as a volunteer can do. Out of nowhere, client received a call asking him to come in for an interview the next day, and he was elated. I was so, so thankful for client's upcoming opportunity and replenished enthusiasm. I feel like this experience with client has been incomparably formative to my dedication to the NSP organization.

For the Holidays please join me in supporting NSP and the work we're doing, it's becoming even more necessary. Now more than ever....http://www.nspnet.org/donate/index.htm

Song: High and Dry by Radiohead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCPDiEz-GcE

round and round and round we go

2008-12-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

Do not worry if you have built your castles in the air. They are where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. Henry David Thoreau.

I have knots in my stomach thinking about the amount of things that need to be checked of my to do list by the end of this week. But (deep breath) it's all going to be ok.

I had a stressful time in the beginning of the year learning to work with some members in my regional team. Although I don't doubt that I work with pessimists, I also am sure that I tend to throw ideas out there like pennies towards a wishing fountain, with this naive idea that people will be as excited about them as I am and want to join in. This was not the case and after repeated events of my ideas not only being turned down but picked apart piece by piece I become quite frustrated and passive.

Lesson learned. You have to fight for your ideas if you believe in them and you have to be willing to be flexible and learn from others who may know more than you. But if you really believe that something is important, you've got to find a way to make it work. I mean if its reasonable and all. I'd rather fail with a good idea then sit wondering what if and feeling as if I contributed nothing. I am reminded of that Thoreau quote above. There's a way to make it work and I can't just assume that everyone knows more than me about things, while still being humbled by the fact that I don't know everything.

I've got a very active beginner's mind that's undaunted to the looming obstacles ahead and willing to try anything at least once. It's apart of me, but not all of me. Either way let's see if I can make it work.

everyone has a bad week

2008-12-12T17:56:00.001-08:00

and this one was mine...
I mean I want to stay positive and upper and say yeah lessons learned, the sun will shine tomorrow, but this was a very stressful week that left me crying a lot and tired. I do hope the old adage is true that if you want the rainbow you have to put up with the rain.

Yesterday I got caught in a terrential downpour. I wish that was an exaggeration but it was not. All of my money got wet which meant that the token machine wouldn't except my money. I tried to get dry money from the septa man but he yelled at me. So I attempted again which resulted in a loss dollar. So I ventured out into the rain to find a store that would be willing to give me a dry five dollar bill. Two stores later I was back into the subway. I got home completley drenched and freezing. My shoes were filled with water and as cold as ice. I hate to complain but it really sucked. Then my phone broke. Just broke cause of all the water in it. Although I was able to keep a cool head about that because I was sure I could get it to work again and I did! Yeahhhh!!! Because lord knows I couldn't afford that.

I feel horrible about not being able to go to my runs in the morning even though I couldn't afford the tokens.

And my clients and work and draining computer time, it was all just enough to make me waiting for the weekend. I wish I didn't have to work this weekend but alas.

But I'm so thankful for good friends and long talks. On some good advice from Priys I left the house for a walk just to get out and get my head clear. To get my head out of the fog and the burden off of my shoulders. I feel like I should be a lot tougher then this. Don't people have worse problems? Don't I still have much to be thankful for. So in order to keep my spirits high I'm going to do a love list, a stolen idea, to remind me of the things that make life wonderful.

I love:

The song beyond the sea

snowflakes

pugs and bulldogs!!!

good discussions

spending time and talking with friends

feeling carefree (where did that feeling go)

a good book

big coffee cups

van morrison

the movie I am Sam

airports and airplanes

that I'll be back in Gainesville soon!!

Watching the Gators and being apart of the Gator Nation

When my clients get jobs

when my clients are reminded of how they can overcome things

when my volunteers laugh

when I actually complete a project

when me and my co have a good tension-less conversation

our new boss and his new baby (or at least hearing about it, I met him on Friday)

my job and the organization I work for.

so many people, so many.

model the way

2008-12-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

Life has a way of teaching you lessons you think you're too experienced to need.
This occured to me yesterday.
I'm in the process of thinking of an overhaul of our client service. More specifically looking at what needs to be done in terms of volunteer training, resource development and outreach to ensure that our clients are receiving the best possible service and assistance in reaching their goals and self-sufficiency. This is very important because as the econonmy worsens we are going to need to be on our toes and prepared to bring the most pertinent and useful information to our clients.
I'm working right now on volunteer training in managment. The last couple of weeks I had one-on-ones with all of our volunteers to gage their experience and comfort with the resources and client service. Now I'm synthesizing all of that information and turning it into tangible goals in our office. Mindnumbing at the least but a part of a larger vision.
Anyway, I've been watching the volunteers (creepy creepers) and how they work with clients and just are in the office. Ofcourse I see things that don't make me happy and these were addressed in their one-on-ones but the issue is setting the precenent.
I was then reminded of apart of the New Volunteer Training that I did on the leadership challenge and the concept of modeling the way.
The activity we did on it is still posted on the wall and is a constant inspiration to me. Especially when evaluating my volunteers. I need to ensure that I am modeling the service I expect and providing an example. Aka leading.
Some of the ideas put up on how to model the way are:
follow up on our visions through action

maintain a positve helfpful attitude through the thick and thin of the process

never ask someone to do something you're not willing to do

if we want to stree the benefits of hope and enthusiasm within the lives of the clients, we need to be hopeful and enthusiastic about our lives and the potential of society

not being intimidated by injustices but rather being commited to thinking of creative alternatives

set concrete goals to motivate ourselves and our clients

So before we cast a critical eye on the outside world, let's first look within and determine if we are a model of the vision we are attempting to create.

At some point, it is inevitable that you find yourself and it is up to you to determine whether that moment, that encounter will be about gladness or about sorrow. Miguel de Unamuno

what does it mean

2008-12-10T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm becoming a dependent on excuses. I think part of my lethargy has come, not from being too burnt out, but rather from not going far enough. Does that sound odd?
I could be being unreasonably hard on myself. I have to be able to look at the things I've done and say, I worked hard and this is why this is possible. I know I've put in a lot of extra effort these past few months, but deep down I always feel like I could work harder and so I never feel satisified or complacent. It's an uncomfortable feeling. One that gives me pride in my ability to disconnect and remain detached.
I finally feel like my life has hit a stride. I feel motivated, I love my job and the organization I work for, I learn something new everyday and I've met some wonderful people. But yet I only feel half alive in this moment. There's just something missing. I've stayed mildy productive today but it's like you know, when you're running or excercising. How it doesn't feel like you did anything unless your dead tired at the end.
But then again, maybe I should pace myself.
I think what is most needed is a time of celebration. A time to say, look what we've done and how far we've come. For the past few years I've minimized how impactful that measure of success is to me. But it's hard running so hard when you don't know where you're going.
I also feel like I've been less connected to the people around me. I don't enjoy that. I'm reading this book called Loneliness: Human nature and the need for social connection. It's very interesting. My need for social connection wanes and at times I am comofortably independent but I am also sure that I have a strong desire for human connection. I welcome the Holidays with open arms, I feel like I'm in a connection desert!

the extra mile

2008-12-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

I missed out on running again this morning. I just wouldn't have had enough subway fare to get there and to work this morning and tonight. Plus I had this pounding sinus headache which I attribute to the sudden upswing in temperature. It's close to the 60s while it was in the teens on Monday. I feel like a poop head in more ways than one.

I am determined to believe that this will be a good day.

river of dreams

2008-12-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday didn't turn out to be as hectic as I anticpiated. I also started to get very tired, more like a haze of exhaustion.
I was uber uber excited yesterday because when I went home I had mail!!! From actual people I know rather than bills or random grad school packets.
First I got a graduation announcement from a friend in school. And then I got a letter from the nicest people. My mom and I met them at the Thanksgiving parade and hit it off based on the fact that we were from Virginia (at some point.) We talked the whole parade and they were so wonderful. The mom wanted to send me some pictures that she had taken at the parade so I gave her my address.
So she sent the pictures on a CD as well as a $20 gift card to Starbucks!!! It made me so happy and giddy and immediately perked me up.
I was then in a chatty mood so I attempted to call some friends all of whom were too busy to talk. Oh loneliness, so I went to the grocery store to get some Jones soda to maintain the cheer I felt.
I'm reading this book right now called Beyond the Ivory Tower: Social Responsbilities of the Modern University. It's sorta dry but still really interesting.

I feel like I'm becoming more and more awkward. Like I'm losing my social skills and ability to connect to people. This could be a figment of my imaginiation. It's even slightly ironic since now, more than ever, I know and have much more in common with a wider social network. But still I feel like I'm retreating and becoming a more introverted person. But I guess that's part of the ebb and flow of life. And maybe this is the point I'm supposed to be at in my life. In a sort of personal retreat to learn more about my own ambitions and needs. But I wish I could do that while still having regular deep conversations with friends.

I feel very tired today which allows me to focus more on the minute things that I always avoid like doing timesheets or building structure under the big ideas I have. When I have too much energy I can't get anything done, so this is nice.

Book List!!

2008-12-08T14:30:00.000-08:00

I keep starting these book lists of books I want to read, but then I lose them. So I'm starting one on here so that I can always go back to it and edit it and there you go. Since I lost my book list, I only have one book, nut more will be added soon. Please offer suggestions.

When work dissapears: The world of the New urban poor
by William Julius Wilson

the long way around

2008-12-08T09:54:00.000-08:00

Hi!!!
Go Gators!!!

I had such a great weekend celebrating the Gator win. Josh and I reunited our weekly tradition of attending the Philadelphia Gator games. Ofcourse this weekend was packed with Gators. We found our friends Kris and Mitch and sat and watched the game with them. It was nailbitting-uberexciting. I wish I could go to the National Championship game but it will be just as exciting to be in Titeltown celebrating with my friends and the Gator Nation.

The rest of the weekend was a blur of work and getting random things done and checking out things from the library.

Today has been bittersweet.
I had a productive meeting with my co this morning, which was nice.
Then I had a meeting at the Library with one of my volunteers. We were meeting with different departments that fit into our model and we could work with. It was awesome!! I had no idea how many services the library provided. They do most of the stuff we do around employment but in addition they provide workshops on issues relevant to job seekers and the librarians act as advisors for those interested in finding a career. The librarian also gave us a list of places to look for jobs. It was wonderfully informative. Plus being in the library made me excited for a future as a librarian. Right after grad school...

Unfornately this morning I had to let a client know that we could no longer work with him. Last year he was banned from the office by the former site coordinator. We were unaware of this when we started working with him. It became apparent when I was working with him that he had an anger management problem but I was able to develop some trust with him. He also cannot read and I'm sure this made it frustrating for him to navigate the myriad information resources available. However although we worked well, he made everyone else uneasy. So this morning I had to let him know that he was unable to come back to the office. It was hard, he was happy to see me and ready to work on some stuff. He just couldn't understand what was going on and he called back to try to explain his actions. I believe in second chances but in the best interest of the entire office and some people who are uncomfortable....

So that has been my morning. Plus it's the coldest day ever. I think the temp is in the teens and their is a code blue in the city to move the homeless into the shelters. It was not easy to get out of bed this morning and I am just as excited about going back.

in times like these...

2008-12-06T09:05:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night I was present when an awfully racist comment was said. Although it wasn't directed towards anyone in the room I was appalled and somewhat embarrased that it was said. It was obvious that the statement was not accepted by everyone but still it had been said and it was disturbing.

It made me trully question my own commitment to making a space, a community, our world more inclusive. Should I have said something? What would I have said? Did we as a group do enough so that person would understand the implications of their comment?

And what about those 'oh that's not racist' comments that people make that aren't overtly offensive but hint at the type of discrimination and racism that permeate our society. It's much easier to laugh them off, to convince yourself that the other person has admirable qualities and so can't very well be a racist/sexist/homophobic/ person. But everyperson has their good sides and 'growth points' and no person can be seen as wholly free of discriminating thoughts. I mean they're ingrained in our institutions and the way that we categorize everything and so they must find thier way into the mindsets of everyone at one point or the other. So what do you do? and how do you combat it? And in the end, how do you stay true to your own values and morales without appearing to manipulate or 'change' others?

So how did you know if you did enough? I am reminded of the Serenity prayer, and ask again, n ot just for the wisdom to know the difference, but for the tools to change the things I can.

The Children of New Orleans

2008-12-05T07:26:00.001-08:00

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/05/us/05trailer.html?pagewanted=2&ref=us

philosophers stone

2008-12-04T13:31:00.001-08:00

I didn't realize how intense yesterday was until I got home, started reading, crashed and woke up this morning in a complete haze.

I went to a luncheon (although no one ate and I had left my lunch in the coat closet) yesterday being hosted by the Philadelphia Young Non-Profit Leaders. It was with the executive director of a local organization called Woman's Way. It was very informative and the discussion about nonprofits, the next gen of nonprofit leaders and issues around women in leadership roles was really stimulating. I'm glad I decided to go to it. I need to pick up some college guides before I went back to work for the office. And then I stopped to get a quick bite to eat because I was getting fainty.

The startling thing about the day was how much more carefree and comfortable the downtown area was. It was the first time I had thought, wow I could see myself living in Philadelphia. I felt guilty for that but it pushed it home to me how even the residents of North Philly, don't always want to be residents of North Philly. Their needs and concerns are basic and human. To feel safe and comfortable. To know that someone cares. The Center City are, where the meeting was and where I also work at Lush, is the business district, art district, overall cleaner tourist friendly minimal minority repersentation district. In the law firm the luncheon was in, there was a view over the city (we were on the 28th floor) and I was able to see the whole city and all of the gorgeous architecture of the Center City area. In my run that morning I had once again been met with the hollowed out buildings and heaps of trash that define most inner city communities.
There are people who live in Philadelphia who have never been to North Philadelphia and when I was telling someone that I worked on North Broad street they gave me the most shocking look of disbelief. Now I see why it's taking so long to have progress on domestic issues, why so many people in these communities feel frustrated and invisible. It's so easy to be disconnected and it's much easier and more comfortable.
I know I was happy to be away, to feel comfortable to just be. In the span of a ten minute subaway trip you can literally transcend two different worlds and the seperation is so profound and deep, that I wonder what it will take for it to be closed.

We have the tools, we only need the will...

when the lights go down

2008-12-03T06:32:00.000-08:00

So this morning I finally made it BOMF and ran!!
I was not at all as energetic and ready to go this morning. Plus I had to work last night and tonight and now that our store is open one more hour longer its brutal. But no excuses! I was determined.
I got there on time and met everyone and it was lovely. I struggled on the running but I was able to met one of the men from the shelter who was also struggling and hopefully we will push each other. I also met some other cool cats, one this woman who works in the residence hall at LaSalle and is getting ready to go on semester at sea and some students from St.Joes. I really enjoyed myself but on the subway back I had this unsettling feeling. Like I could've pushed harder and I'm determined now more than ever to keep working till I can make it to a half marathon. I like that feeling, it keeps me from being too complacent. As I was coming home and unlocking my door, I realized that some of the people that I ran with don't have the luxury. And this is why I run, I told myself.

We finished at 6:30 and I got home at like 7:15. I made my favorite meal for lunch today, macarooni and cheese and sweet peas. I have a giant container of it and already devoured half of it. I still ended up getting to work on time although I'm used to being here about 30 minutes before we open so I can enjoy the silence.

I also got a free ride on the subway! Yesterday I had to gather a whole handful of nickles to get a subway token to work. I thought I had enough but when I got there I was twenty cents short. The man let me go through but he looked at me sternly and said 'you owe me twenty cents.' Well I guess he didn't expect me to pay him back because when I came back from running this morning I gave him ten cents and said that's all I have right now but when I come back to go to work I'll give you the rest. He looked confused and really surprised. He was even more shocked when I came back with a quarter for him. He was smiling really huge and said you're so honest and let me go through for free.
It made me feel really good because this guy is usually such a grump and I hope that it gives him a little more hope in humanity and the inherent good in all people. You have to think of the people that will come after you and I hope he's able to pass that faith forward.
You know with BOMF they sent us some statistics and out of their numbers 96% of the runners said they're trust people more since joining BOMF has increased, and that's what it's all about. Imagine what we could all do if we just trusted each other enough to work together.

So the economy...the numbers in our office have been picking and people are in so much more despair. Yesterday was a particularly challenging day. But we've been having some great successes. One of our clients got a job! and two others have recently gotten interviews!! Maybe I'm too positive to be down in the dumps. I do get weepy eyed at times and I know that something wonderful will pop up in all of this. Here is an interesting article though on issues of North Philadelphia http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20081130_Flashes_of_reality_in_N__Phila_.html?referrer=facebook

For a little inspiration, I want to share this poem I found this weekend,

I've journeyed far upon this earth
What places I have been
I've traveled down this earthly road
time and time again

Crossed deserts, barren without hope
Through quicksand, hot with shame
Traveled into caves of fear
Through hatreds burning flame

Climbed up Karmic mountains
Felt age's lava flow
Crawled into waves of solitude
With nowhere else to go
Swam in silver pools
Where ripples touched my soul
And voices of my spirit cried
I long to make you whole

Put down age-old burdens
Stood on mountain high
Heart open, vulnerable
My spirit dared to fly

Journeys now on different course
Divinvely led by Grace
Spirit dancing joyfully
Warm sunlight on my face

Ah, journey, how I thank you
For my soul has always known
That the traveling would one day bring
The joy of coming home

Lynne Newman

2008-12-02T13:46:00.001-08:00

I am profoundly proud of the organization I work for, so proud and so grateful for this opportunity, check out our impact report... http://www.nspnet.org/news/publications/NSP_2008_Annual_Impact_Report.pdf

you think you know

2008-12-01T08:11:00.000-08:00

I had a wonderful time with my mom this weekend. Thanks mom for coming! We got to go to the Philadelphia Thanksgiving parade, which is the oldest parade in America. We then got to do something I've always wanted to experience which is to ride a double decker bus through Philadelphia and learn all of the facts of the city. Mom was very kind to heed my wishes to sit on top even though it was only about 40 degrees outside and very windy. It was fun and I was sad to see her go...

I spent the rest of the day on Sunday at Penn's bookstore, reading magazines and newspapers and random books. I'm trying to become more well read and also delve into some topics that I find interesting. I really enjoy it. I read through this really interesting book by Daniel Pink called 'A Whole New World: Why Right Brainers will Rule the Future.' It was really interesting! It discussed the benefits of right brainers like creativity and imagination and discussed how all of these traits were going to become more vital in our changing world. He even had this brief snippet about laughter yoga started in India and how important laughter and play are in our lives. I want to start a laughter yoga club!

Before I left UF I really wanted to start a happiness club. My final year was pretty rough with new challenges around the corner and I just figured there were probably a lot more people like me who just needed a pick me up every now and then. So I thought it would be cool to start a club where we got together like once a week and just told jokes and laughed and gave each other hugs and only discussed wonderful things. Focusing on the positve and inspiring things in our life and the people around us and finding a healthy way to deal with challenging moments or people. Just finding a way to realize that people are inherently good, more can be done if we stick toghether and laughing and being happy is so much more worth it.

I read a couple of other things including an interesting article in US News and World Report about influential leaders. I find myself consuming and wanting to consume a large amount of literature on management, leadership and social movements. I feel I'm very fortunate to have such a great amount of leadership responsiblity in my young age and I hope I can continue this trajectory, but I have so much to learn! I'm glad I have the opportunity to read and learn about what is interesting to me unlike in college when I was paying to read the most miserable and useless books of all time. I mean maybe that is an exaggeration of sorts but if you've ever read on the road you know what I am talking about.

So I have been very excited about this morning. It was meant to be my first run with BOMF (mentioned in earlier posts). I was all excited all night yet also very nervous. I don't think a lot before I do things. I'm quite impulsive and chaotically disorganzied. This usually sets me up for some dissapointments when I fail to thoroughly analyze the situation. So I was sitting on my bed last night realizing that I was going to be walking through the most dangerous neighborhood in Philadlephia at 5 o'clock in the morning and I wasn't at all prepared for how unsettling this was. But I was determined. I woke up at 4:30 very easily but ofcourse I had a hard time finding my clothes. I still live out of suitcases and bags and have a hard time in the morning finding things to wear. So I left the house much later and I knew I was going to be late. But I went anyway. After I got of the subway I headed into the heart of North Philadelphia. It was so quiet and dark and all of the hallowed out houses and broken down buildings made it resemble the place that time forgot. So I was nearing the homeless shelter and realized I was already 10 minutes late. I felt horrible and remembered Andrews words at our orientation 'be on time.' All of a sudden I saw a rush of runners come for around the corner and run down the street ahead of me. It was like a gunshot went off and I started running to catch up with them. There were two groups split off so I started following the smaller group, thinking I could catch up with them. I wasn't prepared to just start running I still had my coat on and was already hot from speed walking to the shelter. But I wanted to catch up with them. And then I just sorta stopped. If I did catch up with them, what would I say. I stopped in front of these gutted about building that had the words someone cares spray paitned on the side. I wonder what would've happened if I kept running and caught up with them and went the distance. I wonder but I didn't. Whoever wrote the quote "If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down" has witnessed the site of a skinny 22 year old girl running after three homeless people in the most dangerous neighborhood in Philadelphia.

Anyway so I went home. And then I realized how tired I was and my stomach hurt so I slept much later than was necessary and got to work much later than was necessary. But all in all it was a good morning. I met with a client this morning. She is very young and already has a child. She's so young...

Good day folks!

Quote: But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with a simple creed that sums up the spirit of a people.Yes we can. Barack Obama.

I feel like an adult this morning

2008-11-26T07:51:00.000-08:00

I had a really wonderful morning.
Well the morning was a bit hectic. I had a rough night of sleep and woke up in quite a daze. I still had a bit of cleaning to do and of course my daily search for my socks which seem to disappear really quickly between when I take them off and when I need them again in the morning.

Then I rushed out because I had a volunteer orientation with this organization I'm very excited about joining called Back on My feet. It's a running group that runs with residents of local homeless shelters. It felt really good to join this, what a wonderful way to encourage people. The great thing that I've learned about running is that it really challenges you to get out of your head and trust what your body can do. For a lot of people who live in shelters, people who've struggled with addiction and other life challenges, that symbolic goal meeting, is a great reference point as people coninue to move towards other goals like getting their life back together. Plus we hug in the morning before we begin runs. And it's a community. I can't even find the words to wrap around all of these wonderful feelings I have in my heart about this opportunity. It's so exciting.

I then rushed to the office the morning. I love being in the city in the morning. The large buildings the urbanness of it all, Philly is a great city.

This morning I worked with a new client in our office. When we were walking back to our desk and just chatting she mentioned she was sick. I was like oh do you have a cold and she was like no I'm pregnant. It will be her fourth child all under the age of 3. She has great hopes though, she wants to find a program in early childhood education and bigger goals of becoming a teacher. I want nothing more than to help her reach her goals. She was a pleasure to work with this morning and had such great determination and energy.

There are beautiful things in this world, if you take the time to see them. There's hope in the nooks and crannies of this desperate world. Theirs a way, a road and their are people willing to help. But there are also great challenges. Great challenges that we cannot so easily glaze over.

I have felt more comfortable in my role as manager in the office. I've thoroughly enjoyed the opportunity to develop and support our volunteers in their role and I've got a knack for it. There have been challenges, but I like them. They feel like a good workout and it's great to hear a volunteer say "I feel so much better about that" or "Thank you for talking with me about that" or "I feel confident now." And it's wonderful to see how this experience has impacted our volunteers. What they have been able to discover about themselves and the world around them.

In honor of Thanksgiving, I'd like to say some things that I'm thankful for:

this wonderful organization that I work for and the opportunities I have every day to change peoples lives

moms that send warm jackets

loves in my life

my good good friends who are like warm hot chocolate on a cold day

changing leaves and mild snow days

UF and Gators

memories and futures

good music like water to a dehydrated soul

smiles from strangers

the ability to love the people in my life freely and openly

choices and the ability to make them

Home wherever it is

not feeling the need to run baby run

pictures

pretty bracelets and colorful sweaters

the people that support me and the opportunity to give back to them

Life.

when the sun shines again

2008-11-25T12:56:00.000-08:00

I am so looking forward to a vacation of sorts. Time to be away to just rest, it'll be nice.

I've been having these really fruitful one on ones with my volunteers and yesterday I had a very long conversation with one of my volunteers about life. We discussed our generation and the idea of connection. And also at which point you learn to leave the place your from and come to the place you are. I feel it happens in time. Time, it really is the answer to everything. It was off topic yet quite refreshing.
I passed by this book in the store yesterday called Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connections. I live alone. I thought it would be wonderful and in ways it is but I hope next year I can live with some others. It would feel nice to be apart of something, in a home, abiding by a set of rules, all of that. I come home and there is nothing I want more than to have someone there that I can just share with, someone that I can be shared with (?) and just a good relationship. In time, everything comes when it comes and you just have to prepare yourself. I think I am where I need to be right now.
I had a wonderful moment this afternoon, when I client came in and thanked us for helping him find a job. It was a good moment. A time to sit back and say, okay so that's what I do. It feels good.
The economy, it sucks. What can you say about that. I've been reading a lot of books on the economy lately to get a better understanding of all this mumbo jumbo that's going on. As much of all is this is a bum in the rug, the challenges have been a really wonderful learning experience. Knowing what the needs of a community and people are in, our vulnerabilities, understanding the affect on the nonprofit sector, it's all been very helpful.
I've also realized in all of this economic disaster how much some stuff just doesn't make sense. Our rules, our rationalizations. Does anyone really know what they're doing. It's like we're throwing darts in the dark, hoping to hit something and in the end just making a lot of harmful misses.
Life is a game of mind over matter. I learned that when I was attempting to run that 8k. I was able to go so much farther than I thought I could. I really had no idea what I was capable of yet I kept holding myself back. Then when I just let go of my own limitations, there were my possibilities.
I feel like I've been having that conversation with a lot of my volutneers. They all have these glaring insecurities, but I look at them and there are so many things they do well and so many things they have already accomplished.
Why are we so blind. I guess it's better that way, but it helps when someone else can see what you can't. It's even more helpful when they let you in on it.

Song: Where we gonna go from here by Matt Kearney

Quote: Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create. Albert Einstein

Let it Snow!

2008-11-21T09:33:00.000-08:00

And it did.

This morning was another hard one. I feel like someone who has been playing dress up and finally realized "no I just want to go play outside." I tossed and turned and finally had to face the facts that morning had come and I was expected to become apart of the many working responsible people out there. So I rolled (literally) myself out of bed and then went to the bathroom and when I came out, I saw the most beautiful magical sight. It was snowing. I have this huge window and through the top I could see the large white puffy snowflakes falling from the sky. I got so happy so I ran to the window and everything was covered in snow! I immediately turned the radio to the station that's been playing Christmas music and guess what song was on...Winter Wonderland!! I just started dancing and jumping around. I haven't been apart of something so magical in a very long time. I couldn't get dressed fast enough.

There have been flurries all week and last night when me, Patricia and Josh were walking from Jim's we saw them and started squealing. Oh the little things.

This morning has been slow and quiet. Just the way I like it. I worked with client today who is looking to move out of the recovery house she is in. It was a tricky situation and in the back of my head I was weighing what I thought was important for her with what she was telling me what was important for her. It brings me back to that idea of service. I'm here to give, not here to show. So I continued to ask some qualifying questions to better understand her situation and what obstacles she may be dealing with.

At our next volunteer meeting, I've been trying to find some questions to facilitate a discussion about what it really means to bring people towards self-sufficiency. Our clients put a lot of trust in us and look to us for these really big answers to the questions in their life. I hope we are answering them. I had a weird moment this past weekend. When we are in Richmond we ventured out into the suburbs and it was the first time I had seen strip malls and large houses atop hills in a long time. Then, being around others for a while, I realized how much of a different world I exist in. Poverty and the plight of the underserved seem to be on my mind all the time. Not necessarily by choice, it's just a way of life. But seeing others so unhinged from it, completely enjoying the wealth of freedom that comes with being in a more comfortable lifestyle, I also desired this chance to be unhinged. But I do love what I do and I wouldn't have it any other way. Plus when I stop taking myself so seriously and put things into perspective, I realize I'm as free as I want to be.

I have learned this week that I have much to learn. Not very insightful, just more of a revelation. I'm still very young and couldn't possibly know as much as my brain has the possibility to know. Plus, as the snowfall taught me today, the world is full of wonder and magic. I want to be in this constant state of wonder and learning about it all. And hopefully never lose that ability, to be constantly learning and alive to the world. Enjoy your day!

diamonds on the soles of her shoes

2008-11-19T13:28:00.000-08:00

It's cold.
Last night I walked home from Lush, I do that occasionaly. It's a safe walk although it involves 3o blocks and crossing a bridge. Which I am most definetely not a fan of. After about 20 blocks I went to sweep a piece of hair behind my ear when I realized my ear was numb!

I passed out when I got home, which is becoming a constant occurence. And this morning it was so difficult to get out of bed. However I qualify coming into work an hour late with the fact that we have a Board meeting today after work followed by the volunteers HuHAW event. So in the end it all evens out.

Today I spent most of the day preparing for my upcoming one on ones with the volunteers. I'm interested in hearing from each one of them about how their experience is going. In addition, I feel that our service to our clients needs some refining so hopefully this will be an opportunity to go over with my volunteers areas where they can improve. I'm excited about sitting down with each of them but collecting all of the information to create these one-on-ones was daunting. In addition to developing the questions and assessing what objectives I wanted out of this, I'm going over all of the meetings that the volunteers have had with clients since they started. We keep detailed records of every person we meet with. We then use this data to compile monthly reports and send information to stakeholders and the National Office uses it for assessments and such. It's cool because we're able to assess exactly what our office is doing and in what areas we can improve.
I also got some tips from some of the other offices who also do one on ones and then read some very helpful articles and hopefully can develop some sort of structure to implement this things into changes into the offices.
Fortunately all of our volunteers have been doing well but I will have to do some iffy "growth edges" feedback.

I'm also working on designing the leadership structure of our office which is fun....

All of this makes me very tired, tired at the end of the day. It's a lot of thinking which use to energize me but now just poops me out.
I'm excited because Patricia Nichols is coming into town tomorrow night and me her and Josh Jax are going down to South Street for some cheesesteaks. I haven't had a good Philly cheesesteak in a while and I'm getting antsy. Just thinking about steak and cheesewiz and fried onions and good rolls (salivating). Oh yeah.

Our new boss Josh said something last week that has had me in a musing state. He noted that in the case of our volunteers there are some who come to see the world and others who come to save the world. He also noted that those who come to see usually fair better then those who came to save. This conversation evolved from another conversation we were having about volunteer development and engagement. In our organizayion, as I'm sure is the case in many organizations, there is this need to balance how much we are focused on volunteers with how much we are focused on the work we are doing.
In my personal opinion I think our volunteers are in that seeing the world state, where they look at service as an opportunity to learn and grow. However I could be projecting. I look at my service opportunities as an chance to learn and grow. I know I didn't come here to save the community but rather to serve the community. I brought this up in my weekly report and my boss asked me, how was I going to keep this at the forefront of my mind. I'm thinking about starting off most mornings with a meditation about what it means to serve. Or at least take some time in the day to do it. It's very important for me to remember this and to remain humble about what I'm doing. Although I'm also aware that I should pay attention two what things I have to give. And learn how to further develop them.

Okay time to end up the day. Bye friends!

Song: Mexico by James Taylor

to love and have no fear

2008-11-18T10:31:00.000-08:00

I had the most wonderful weekend in DC/Richmond.

My friend Katherine stays in this beautiful home in the Capitol Hill area of DC. It was a lot of fun and made me so want to live in a home with a bunch of people rather than my lonely studio. I haven't laughed that much in a long time although I don't miss sharing a bathroom with six girls for three days.

I also got to spend time in our National office and see everyone, which was wonderful. Plus when were in Richmond I had a chance to stop by the local office there and see Jen and Tempa!

I attempted the 8k and it was a good attempt. Although seeing everyone complete their half marathon made me want to work really hard to be able to do it. I pushed myself though and was able to do so much more than I thought I could. It was a mental race for sure which, in reality, everything is a mental race. We are all more capable of things then we think. At the end we got medals which are quite shiny. Although medals are ironically de motivators for me. The reason that I started doing these races are that I want to be able to participate in this program http://www.medals4mettle.org/ which gives finisher medals to people who are struggling with life threatning diseases.

The running experience was really fun for me and I want to keep doing it. Mainly because its a great way for me to get fit, clear my mind and find other ways to give to my community. I just signed up for an orientationt to become a member of back on my feet http://backonmyfeet.org/main/index.html. It's an organization that moves homeless people towards self-sufficiency by getting them involed in running groups. I know from the homeless men that we work with that shelter life can be so debilitating and it's nice to have somewhere to go to clear your head. Plus it's a great way to get the word out about NSP. It would be a good partnership. If this pans out then I would be running at like 6 in the morning but it's right near my office so I guess it wouldn't be that bad, ahh beginners mind.

On my last day at DC I wandered off and saw some sights before I had to get to my bus home. It was really nice. Everytime I've been to DC it's been with a group or on some sort of set schedule so it was good to spend some time to myself.

It was all very theraputic and I've come back to work with such clear mind, it makes me want to go away every weekend!

I just get too caught up in things sometimes, I hate being busy. Unfortunately I was on Monday and I'll be for most of the week. I wake up with knots in my stomach urrrgggh.

It was intersesting hearing Katherine describe my position. She would always introduce me as "Ashley, she runs our local office in North Philly." I have never thought of myself as running anything. And then today one of my volunteers was telling her client that I was sorta like her manager. This is all very weird to me. I'd like to think of my position more as leading the office and supporting the volunteers but I guess it is more of that other stuff on a day to day basis.

I also took some time to spend in reflection this week. Reflecting on what I'm doing, how I'm doing and how I feel about it and what I could be doing in the future. It's been almost therapeutic. I have some deep thoughts to share, but another time friends, another time....

Song: Fake Plastic Trees by Radiohead

Quote: Before you criticize someone you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize someone you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Jack Handey

rain!!

2008-11-13T12:09:00.001-08:00

It's raining pretty badly today and there is such a chill in the air.

This morning I went to the Brookings Institute report on Immigration in Philadelphia. It was also intended by the Mayor who gave a brief overview of immigration in the city. It was interesting overall. Some facts I learned: 1/2 a million immigrants currently live ni Philadelphia which is 9% of the population. A lot of the immigrants in the city are actually refugees from countries such as Ukraine. 15% of the children in the region are 2nd generation 43% of them do not speak English very well. In addition Philadelphia immigrants have same employment rates but households who are headed by immigrants have to work much harder than American citizens because they usually have lower paying jobs.

The overview of the report was followed by a panel discussion of the issues in immigration in the city where some of the main issues brought up were connecting these new citizens with services in the city, the fact that most of the immigrants are coming in with a lot of work history and job experience.

The interesting part was that at the end an immigrant from Africa stood up and talked about his attempts to gain citizenship. He only has a GED and so can only get jobs that are in teh 5- $6 an hour range. At this rate there is no way he can afford his citizenship fees. It was an interesting dilemma which, after all of this discussion and dialogue and interetsing policy points, no one had a solution for this man. I left the event slightly discouraged.

Our new boss has started and it's exciting. We did another strategy session because of the recent economic issues and the new challenges posed for our office. We did this thing called SWOT which is an analysis of our strengths, weakenesses, opportunities and threats. It led to some good discussion including that of the challenges in communication and work styles between me and my co...

I'm leaving for DC tonight and I'm realy excited and hoping that I can get to the bus on time. I have a meeting with my boss today and it's already 3:30.
I've been working on a list of things I'm excited about doing in Gainesville when I go back in January. I was looking over it and I noticed the first words of my list goes spend, spend, spend, go, go, go, go, run. Really! So I need to reasses that..

Okay, off to get some things done before the end of the day...

learning groove!

2008-11-11T12:56:00.000-08:00

I just learned something!

Restlessness makes me work harder and sparks off my creativeness.

And then when I take the chance to objectively view the situation I realize I am right where I need to be.

Still thirsty!

blue skies

2008-11-11T12:27:00.001-08:00

I feel inadequate.
I am off from work today for Veteran's Day. I am excited about this day but still struggled with the desire to rest and the desire to be active.
I have this restless energy and I wish I was at work. There is so much to be done and I feel that I haven't been working hard enough. Even though there are things I should reflect on and go, good, did that it was successful, still there is a restlessness.
My focus and I feel like a firework shooting off in all different directions. I have work tonight which I am equally unsettled about because the last thing I want to do today is spend four hours selling people organic cosmetics but this is where I find myself.
Still I think the best thing for me is to find solace. I feel as well that many of the inner restlesness is not of my own spirit but rather a culmination of expectations about who I should be and what I should be doing. I should learn to find my own voice and learn when it is appropriate to heed others.

This is probably why Runaway Bride is one of my favorite movies. I myself agree with the character Maggie Carpenter when she pronounces "I am profoundly and irreversibly screwed up." But don't we all feel that? Is there anyone that feels completely confident in anything they are doing or if they are even doing anything worth doing. Take time, find your own groove. Listen and learn.

I'm thirsty.

Watch this!

2008-11-10T06:58:00.001-08:00

The difficulty in finding employment in Philadelphia...

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2008/11/09/us/20081109_EMPLOY_AUDIO.html?ei=5070&emc=eta3

fall is so beautiful

2008-11-10T06:17:00.000-08:00

Our volunteers chatting away with the founder of YouthBuild at the mixer they put on!
Deep in thought!

The foliage outside our office window!

I had a semi relaxing weekend. Most of the weekend I was under the weather and dealing with a massive headache but still it gave me some forced downtime which is always nice.

On Friday our volunteers hosted a mixer in our building. It was a hit! We finally got to meet some of the other organizations in the building and also let them know about the awesome work we are doing. Plus it was just fun.

To the left is a picture of a few of our volunteers, Shawn and our new awesome Regional Program Manager Josh. Plus notice the awesome foliage in the back. I was talking to a volunteer when I looked out the window and noticed it. It was the first time any of us had seen the sun that day and it lit up the foliage outside so beautifully.

Being apart of Fall has been sort of healing process for me. It is teaching me the art of being in the moment and learning when to let go. I live in a beautiful neighborhood and all of the newly changed leaves are just gorgeous. Yet now the leaves are quietly falling away and I am realizing that fall is a part of a whole not a whole within itself. It doesn't stick around forever and once its gone, there will never be a fall like it. So I spent a huge part of my weekend just simply walking around and taking it in.

I also did some hard core reflecting and reading this weekend. I started and finished Nancy Pelosi's Know Your Power. I wasn't uber impressed from the beginning but it turned out to be a really good read and really inspiring at this point in my life. I'll highlight an excerpt:

Lindy taught me to think differently. I remember telling her that I thought I had too many opportunities, that perhaps I should give up one of my positions. This was prior to my election to Congress, when I was chair of the 1984 Democratic National Convention Host Committee, and also chaired the committee that enforced the delagate selectionr rules. In her wonderful southern accent, she said, "Darlin, no man would ever , ever have that athought."

And then she gave me a significant piece of advice. "Nancy," she said, "know thy power." Know your Power. I had power in my hands and I should use it. Lindy's words had an enormous impact on me.

I also finally finished up Life Entrepreneurs and now want to give it to every person I know. I skipped out on the game this weekend which I feel bad about. I really do enjoy being social. But I knew that it was important to take at least one day to myself. And what a wonderful day it is.

Okay well now on to what will hopefully be a productive day at work.

and the verdict is...

2008-11-07T14:42:00.001-08:00

I love my job!

Truly, Madly, Deeply

2008-11-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

I have had an eventful past couple of weeks. The Phillies winning the world series, the parade, this rocking halloween party where I got to meet some new peeps, work work work work work everday, the election, new boss, blah!

Last night I hung out with some friends and watched the showdown of the election. Then we ran out into the streets into the thrungs of celebrating, drum beating West Philadelphians and celebrated the beginning of what will hopefully be a more optimistic and hopeful future for us all. Hopefully.

I have a dip in energy as the result of many things. And of course my emotions are on some sort of rollercoaster today. I'm keeping myself away from emo like music and reports on poverty and have instead overstuffed on chocolate and twangy country songs. I have to take a comp day because I worked on Sunday but I always find it hard to take time off cause there is so much to be done. I'm just a ball of hormones.

Last night I got a box from home and I was so excited as I was opening it up. Mom sent pictures which I was more excited about than the actual abundance of warm clothes and jackets. I now have this picture me and a few of my friends took at school last year. It makes me smile, and I can't think of a more wonderful gift than that.

Work on both ends has been busy. It's funny to me to see the stark differences in personality in my volunteers. It's something I've never realized before when working with people or maybe just not this acutely. I just see these patterns yet am still consistently amazed. The weird thing is that I just see it with my volunteers and not so acutely with other people. I don't want to peg them so easily but there definitely consistent patterns in how they interact with information, the people around them and how they perform in general. I also see the patterns in the needs of our office so I'm starting to feel more confident about how and where to place our volunteers to maximize their impact. I also care about them deeply and want to see them grow and reach their goals. This is the heaviest burden. I've had to learn what I can and cannot do in their movement forward. You can't be everything to everyone but at least be something to someone.

We have had an increase in clients. I hope that our clients leave our office with lives more enhanced then the ones they entered with. I've developed that focus almost like a flash of insight. Connecting people with information and resources that move their life in a more beneficial direction excites me.

I almost don't want to have too high expectations or goals. The feeling of falling short or even the thought of it is highly debilitating to me. But I was struck by something last night. Not the first time this has happened to me either. As much as I was excited last night I realized that were was a distinct difference in the energy and enthusiasm displayed by the people around me. I was only minimally engaged. I didn't have the thrill and rush of victory that others who had put in personal contributions, energy and dedication and who had wanted this, really wanted it. I envied them because they felt something I wasn't able to feel, accomplishment.

I did think it was interesting that Obama didn't really win a landslide victory in terms of popular votes. It was really almost 50/50 everywhere. And considering that Obama did a lot more campaigning and such, it will just all be an interesting turn out of events these next few years.

Okay, so I'll see you. Trugging through this day. I work almost every night this week but fortunately it has been slow. There are couple of managers training this week at our store and I really love one of them. I hate goodbyes more than anything. ever.

Quote: Failure's hard, but success is far more dangerous. If you're successful at the wrong thing, the mix of praise and money and opportunity can lock you in forever. Po Bronson.

The Philly Parade Pictures!!!

2008-11-03T10:06:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics from the parade on Friday...

When the lights went out in Philly

2008-10-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

So last night was unbelievably exciting. My friend Josh called me to let me know that the Phillies were two outs from winning the world series and I immediately ran from the warm homely space of the 34th street Starbucks into the crisp night air of Philadelphia. I was met by a chorus of one then two, then four then uncountable yells nd cheers spilling from the buildings around me. Cars and Taxis raced by honking their horns fiercely and waving rad ball caps with the now well known white stiched P. The Phillies had won the world series.

Momentum has been building in this city long before the world turned its eyes to the birthplace of our nation. I remember leaving work one night, going to the subway and seeing every cart filled with Phillies fans, red caps. It was then that I realized how historical and inspirational this moment was. I have never felt so grateful to be apart of something.

Since I've come to this city, I have been faced with the worn desolate and downtrodden of the city. I have come to love this city even more though even after being faced with the maze of social services that plague every large city. There is something about Philadelphia that tugs at your heart and woes you into a courtship. It has it's dark side but it has its triumph and it doesn't claim to be anything more than a city that won't give up and won't be put down. And you believe in it against all odds.

Last night was needed and much deserved. While I don't claim to be a fan, I haven't steadily endured the years of heartbreaking defeat like many of the fans here, I am very much in love with this city and excited about the win that has pulled this city into a new hope.

Almost symbolically today was the first day this week where the sun shone brightly and the morning air was at peace. Everyone in this city loves this team and it is exciting to see the unity that is emerging after the win.

Last night was amazing and it was hard to resist staying out in the night air embracing the cheers and high fives and seeing the pure excitement on the cold faces passing by.

Now the city awaits the Friday parade. Everyone needs this once in a while, a feeling of triumph joy and victory. I love Philadelphia!

Quote: "We're losers no more. The organziation, we're winners. Nobody can take that away from the city of Philadelphia, and nobody can take that away from us." First Baseman Ryan Howard

NYTimes artcile: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/31/sports/baseball/31philadelphia.html?hp

Here I am

2008-10-29T16:00:00.001-07:00

I have found it necessary to attempt to be fully present.
Not just in my situations but here in Philly and this experience. I'm not really sure what that means but it occured to me today that here I am and here is where I will be.

2008-10-29T09:05:00.001-07:00

Our volunteer is working on this wonderful project in her downtime, it's so gorgeous
The view from the large window in one of the rooms in our office

Hi, I have to wear thirty shirts to go outside

Why I love coming to work early in the moring, the gorgeous sun behind large tree.

I have a ton of restless energy. It's one of those days where there are things to be done but so many of them it is unclear of where to start. Oh I just thought of something I can do. Oh and I just got a call from my boss reminding me to turn in my timesheets, I think I haven't turned them in since September so there's something...

In the meantime here are some pictures from my office this morning:

G'Moring!

2008-10-28T09:01:00.000-07:00

So this morning I was met with one of the coldest, dreariest days I have ever encountered. And tonight they're expecting snow showers. SNOW SHOWERS!

Morning got started off with a bang because we had a really good meeting with one of the organizations in our building about how we could collaborate. They're a couple of volunteers training right now and its pretty calm in the office. I have to go to work tonight which I am not very excited about. I'm not really interested in anything that doesn't include the words soup or hot chocolate.

Our client numbers are steadily increasing. I was working with a client yesterday who was looking for housekeeping jobs. The issue, people aren't spending extravagant amounts of money, which means they probably aren't going to hotels which means a lot of people in this city are being put out of work with very few if any skills that can be easily transferred to other types of work. I had a really interesting discussion with my friend Priya last night about what is best for the economy, that being whether people should spend money or whether they should not. I am seeing the effects of people not spending like they used to, entry level job cuts and less openings for temporary jobs as well. The low income seem to be the least involved but the most affected by these unstable shifts in the economy. So I don't think people should stop spending completely, but our extravagance in times when people in our country can barely meet their needs seems out of place as well.

This week I have been in an inner debate about the role of our nonprofit sector in the overall health of our country and communities. Especially in times like these when the real solution seems to be a complete restructuring of the way we do things rather than just bandaging up the system we do have and the people who get pulled through it. But there are people that need help now who could care less about politics or big picture things. Or should I say don't have the privilege of thinking that way.

Okay back to work, I actually have things I need to get done and if I stay focused this actually might be a productive day.

Pictures...

2008-10-27T13:07:00.000-07:00

Our volunteers preparing for 'client survivor' I had to be the mean shelter lady

In DC at our meeting, talking about how wonderful NSP is

Volunteers at our New Volunteer training on Sunday learning about making a budget on a low-income

Dysfunctional Hierarchy

Our Director of Program Tony telling us about program development and assessments, oh my!

Cannon and Fops!

Enjoying our awesomeness at the meeting

Josh

The girls after dinner

Kanlaya (sp?) yummy Thai place

Breakfast! We got to spend three days in these wonderful law firm with wonderful food, all donated

Waiting outside union station for the rest of the group

Ben's "Birthday"

...from DC and of our volunteers!

birds without wings

2008-10-27T06:01:00.000-07:00

If there was any week to treat mess ups/failures like learning opportunities, this is the week.
I feel like the ends of my life slowly unraveled. Although when I look at the times similar to this, patterns in my behavior emerge:
1. Avoidance of responsibility
2. Lack of accountability
3. Not planning ahead
4. Lack of follow through.

So yeah, it would be tedious and almost masochistic to go through the details of the week but the end results were having to pay $300 to use our office space for our all day training yesterday, getting written up at Lush for not having anyone to cover my shift, not taking my comp day when I was supposed to take my comp day and well let's just end it at that.

These weeks are always the most fun, but yes learning experiences. Opportunities to confront the pitfalls in my temperament and work towards working through them or providing safety nets for myself. I just would like a nice vacation away from everything so I can get my head screwed back on. But alas...

So DC was AWESOME !! It was a really great trip and really gave me the energy to hit the road. Ofcourse being out of town for three days didn't help my disorganization at all but I really enjoyed being away. I love my organization and the people I work with, it can't be said enough. There was some challenging talk about the economy and how it will affect our organization and the world of philanthropy over all. It was one of those long, everyone is quiet in the room conversations that involves some deep emotion.
Life is a challenge, you gotta hit the road running..

Our office had the all day training yesterday. It went well although our vols starting getting really tired towards the end of the day. It was def. a challenge to keep the energy up but the conversations were really great.

Our office is actually getting into a rythym which means I have a more structured work week. I'm still having a scatterbrained day, I forgot my cellphone and my landlords key to the building but what can you do.

Song: philosophers stone by Van Morrison

go the distance

2008-10-18T08:38:00.000-07:00

I took the day off at Lush. It was much needed and I'm excited about the long day of possibilities.
That's what it feels like, I work all the time now and all of time is scheduled and I spend 12 hours a day looking for what other people need. This morning I was taken back by the feeling of possibility and openness in my day.
I'm called back to the days of my earlier posts where I tried to decipher why it is that I serve. I was reading this in the call of service and it brought me to the thought:

The longer she looked into the matter,however -- the closer she looked at her own life -- the more she realized that her burnout had its own distinctive history and character...The call of service is a call to a new chapter of life -- its earlier story, its prior chapters, with their achievements and losses, will surely come to bear on what happens in the future, though each person's idealism can have its own surprising victories, some of them achieved against the great odds of a particular past. "My whole life before I started the service work was a long stretch of burnout," a student told me, offering a much-needed ironic perspective on the subject. When we single out the low spells of volunteers, we forget that for others...life itself may be a sadder story than the passing low points that are called burnout. Youthful activists are often able to use such low points to become more realistic and reflective and, in the long run, sturdier in the community service work they usually continued doing.

You know when people run races how theirs that gun shot that goes off. I think in all of our lives we have a gun shot moment. Something that starts us off running and it may take a while into the race before we realize why we're running or what exactly we're running to. I think in a much deeper way my service has begin to tap into a lingering question of need that lies deep within the character of my life. Spending days working so hard to get people what they need makes you start to realize that needs are a part of the human experience, and they are very much apart of yours. What if you search and you search and it can't be found, where do you go...

like a polaroid picture

2008-10-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

I took the day off and I am much the better for it.
I'm enjoying the great scene of the foliage in my wonderful neighborhood and of course cruising online.
Everyone should take sometime to yourself, its important.
I'm uber uber uber excited about being in DC on Monday and can't wait. I'll be away from the blog from a while but will be back shortly, with pictures!
Love you all, have a great weekend.

running as fast as I can..

2008-10-16T15:12:00.001-07:00

I had a great morning at the Philadelphia Coalition Against Hunger's Food Stamp Forum. It included National and Local leaders, inlcuding or own awesome Mayor, discussing the revamp and what we as nonprofit leaders can do to ensure that people hear about them. The Food Stamps program has been recreated into the SNAP program and Pennsylvania has developed some more accesible Pennsylvania requirements that will allow so much more people to sign up and get his much needed benefit.
I have been exhausted lately which always makes me emotional and I caught myself getting all teared up. It was all good news but just hearing some of the family stories was hard.
As glad as I am to hear about all of these current changes, I think that we as a country are getting really good at treatment but not prevention. I think there is more we can all be doing to ensure that people have fair wages...I shouldn't get into all of this now, I'm too tired.
I'm taking a hopefully relaxing day off work tomorrow. It was hard, considering there is so much to do in the office before we leave to DC and I don't want to leave too much on Shawn's plate but I sat with him and talked with him and it's best for the long run.
I had a tough emotional night and I just feel like I'm on the verge of burnout.
Work hard, play hard. Good night.

Song: Give a Little Love by Rilo Kiley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_RbkyCmeMas (kept me going this week)

Song 2: Shine by Anna Nalick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgiZz-aqheU (this one too)

Quote: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. Plato.

sleepy!

2008-10-14T13:42:00.000-07:00

I am very tired, and I haven't had much energy all week. I'm trying to scout a day this week that I can either work from home or just take a day off. I'm low on pretty much everything and we're only going to get busier.
Working with our volunteers has been pretty energizing though. And I've been reading through some of my first blog entry's when I started to rekindle the energy I had when I first began. I'm so glad that I started this blog and that so many other people have also been able to benefit from it.
One of our volunteers is so pumped and I'm happy to be apart of this experience with her. It reminds me of my excited about everything days, which I guess I'm pretty much still in. There are so many opportunities for students to do something in the world. I just got information about a conference that I got to participate in last year and was able to pass it on to all of our offices. Hopefully we'll have a big NSPresence at CGIU this year. Our students get to work on poverty alleviation and understanding on the broader issues every day. I've learned so much from them already.

Okay toodles. Gotta rekindle the energy before a long night at Lush.

Song: Silver lining by Rilo Kiley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6-W3fCUok8&feature=related

Loving days off!

2008-10-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

So I have the day off at both work and Lush for Columbus Day!
I was so excited this morning. First for the chance to sleep in because I had a really busy weekend and second for the opportunity to spend the day in reflection and do things that I want to do. I'm debating wether I should do this like every two weeks. Just take a day off, it has been so much fun.

I have spent the day sprawled out on one of the lawns of Penn's campus. It's gorgeous, the leaves are starting to change and it's a nice warm sunny day. Reading books is def. one of my favorite pasttimes. I also found that I can access computers and the library on Penn's campus with my ID, cha-ching. They have rocking chairs in here which are by far my most favorite things in the world.

I'm currently reading this book by Christopher Gergen and Gregg Vanourek called Life Entrepreneurs: Ordinary people creating extraordinary lives. It is a really good book and I recommend that everyone I know go to your local library or bookstore and pick up a copy. I'll give you an excerpt:

This book is about how to lead an entrepreneurial life -- discovering what we call our core identity, envisioning the good life, and taking action to pursue it with all the grit and vigor we can muster. It illustrates life entrepreneurship through an actionable framework and stories of fifty-five extraordinary people who have blazed these trailes. We wrote this book to help people lead meaningful and significant lives. It is for a wide ranging audience, including emerging leaders and budding entrepreneurs; those interested in entrepreneurial leadership, personal development and community building; and those contemplating or experiencing a life or career change, facing a challenge or crisis, or starting to think about their legacy. (pg xix)

I know the book may not resonate with everyone the way it is resonating with me right now, but has a ton of helpful tools and guides which at the very least may be something you can past on to someone under your guidance.

I'm looking forward to next week. We're going to DC for our early service training. I love meeting up with the other wonderful people in my organization. I always learn so much and feel so invigorated. It will also be nice to get away from the office and do some me things.

I also was the recepient of a wonderful sermon on Sunday. God always has a way of reminding us of what is important. Our pastor reminded us that we musn't spend so much time focused on internal conflict but rather on our purpose in the community. How true in a time when you usually need to get things done with people who are just hard to get things done with...

Ta-Ta loves! Keep living the good life!

Quote: Everything that happens to you is your teacher. The secret is to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it. Polly B. Berends

Quote(2) When you come to the end of all the light you know and you are about to step into the darkness, faith is knowing one of two things will happen. Either you find solid ground underneath you or God will send you people who will teach you how to fly. Edward Teller quote paraphrased by Cory Booker.

What a wonderful week!

2008-10-10T13:59:00.000-07:00

I had a great week.
Best part, this Wednesday. Our Director of Programs and our program manager were in town and Josh and Paul came in and we interviewed new program managers. It was a very rewarding experience to be apart of. I realized I really love developing teams and programs in general. Discussing all of the variables and strategizing about what will work and what won't. As well as looking at needs of our organization and seeing what things fit together to get us there. It was a great day. We had two interviews and it took all day and it was great!
It was great that our National Office staff let us be involved in that interview and gave us insights into the big picture elements that will influence their decision.
It's been a long difficult road trying to find the right fit for the position. I have strong feelings about one candidate but I feel like each of them would bring different strengths that could help our organization.

Our volunteers are starting in the office and I couldn't be more excited. They are wonderful and I feel like I'm going to learn so much this year just from working with them. I feel so afraid at the same time. Like a parent afraid of failing my kids. I have this subtle uneasiness that I'm not doing enough for them, not working hard enough. But I balance that out and realize this is a learning experience for me as well.

I really enjoy working in teams and the added team element to having the volutneers is exciting to me. Shawn and I def. need someone to buffer our interactions and add a different perspective. It will be refreshing to have them.

Okay It's been a long week and I am really hungry. So pieces and reeses until next time.

I believe that we should remove the last barriers which stand between millions of our people and their birthright. There can be no justifiable reason for discrimination because of ancestry, or religion, or race or color.
I believe that to inspire the people of the world whose freedom is in jeopardy and to restore hope to those who have already lost their civil liberties, we must correct the remaining imperfections in our own democracy.
We know the way. We only need the will.
President Truman

the olympic feat

2008-10-07T07:14:00.001-07:00

This morning I was finally able to succesfully dress for the cold weather. It was in the 40s this morning and I had no idea what I was going to successfully dress for work and dress warmly. But alas, after much layering and fangelling I was able to compile a warm setup and I wasn't the least bit cold unlike the past few days where the chill hit my bones. However trivial it may seem it made me really excited this morning and I was very excited about not shivering all the way to work.

I read this really inpsiring story this morning about two young men from a village near Kenya who built a health clinic for the people there. I thought I'd share it. The were inspired after participating in a service immersion trip which warms my heart. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25573377/. I am so low energy. I need to get excited about something.

Quote: I am done with great things and big plans, great institutions and big success. I am for those tiny, invisible, loving, human forces that work from individual to individual, creeping through the crannies of the world like so many rootlets, or like the capillary oozing of water, which, if given time, will rend the hardest monuments of pride. William James

streets of philadelphia

2008-10-06T11:24:00.001-07:00

G'day all!

I had a wonderfully busy weekend at Lush. I worked both Saturday and Sunday which means that fortunately I don't have to work any nights this week except for Thursday.
It was very tiring. We had a birthday party in the store on Sunday for this 12 year old and her friends. At the same time we were having a garden party which was equally tiring but also very fun. As I was ringing up one of the customers, she said to me "this must be a really fun place to work." It can be very tiring though and sometimes I forget I'm selling and get really attached to our customers. And then they leave, never to be seen again...

On Sunday Mr. Jackson came over and we had dinner. Which I burned a little but I still hope it was a nice introduction to Philadelphia and NSP. We had a great long conversation.

I was really pumped afterwards and I needed to burn off that energy so that I could get some much needed rest for the week. So I took a nice long bubble bath, listened to some calming music and tried to think of absolutely nothing at all. It worked fairly well. I've been reading a lot of work related books or books that somehow tie into my proffesional development at work but I realize that I need to start reading more leisurely books. I have a whole list of things but when I get to the library I see all of these other books and just can't help myself.
I'm currently reading type talk at work, or something like that. It's about the use of MBTI personality assessment in understanding your worksytle and those of the people you work with. It's really interesting and givenme more insight into myself as well as my Philly team members. It was also interesting because the book talks about stress and how your personality can change, this is what it said about my ENFPness "a normally gregarious, effervescent, imaginative, somewhat absentminded and spontaneous ENFP can turn into a pensive, noncommunicative, detail oriented, rigid individual-- in other words, the worst version of an ISTJ."
I wish I had known that like 12 months ago, it would've made other things make a lot more sense.

Shawn and I had our weekly meeting this morning which was preceeded by me spilling hot chocolate all over myself. Nevertheless it was good. We had our steady flow of volunteers in the office, minus a few no shows.

Now we're in that really boring low energy part of the day that literally sucks the life out of me. Our office is so miserably quiet and empty. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't like this for such huge parts of the day. but ehhh...
I am really tired and want to take the subway home but I haven't walked home in a while and would appreciate the fresh air and opportunity to do some excercise.

I'm happy that it is October. It's my favorite month of the year. Also we get to go to DC in a couple of weeks to meet with our National Office staff and other site coordinators. I can't wait to see everyone! I love the organization I work for and the anticipation makes me antsy!

Quote: Something that has always puzzled me all my life is why, when I am in special need of help, the good deed is usually done by somebody on whom I have no claim. William Feather

Song: Standing outside the fire by Garth Brooks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aLLMf43IQw0&feature=related

Good Morning!

2008-10-03T06:05:00.000-07:00

I really didn't want to wake up this morning. It was one of those, can't I just sleep a little longer mornings.

Last night when I got home I was antsy and I wanted to go out to eat just to get out of the house. I stopped over by the Ethiopian place that I share a wall with and had a delcious and very filling meal.

Then I came home and crashed.

I stopped at McDees before coming into the office. It's a pretty sketchy McDees full of North Philly character. I really treasure it. The service is always completely horrible and the food is questionable but it has really carved a place in myheart.

As I was walking toward my building there was a huge crowd of young adults in front of thebuilding. This isn't unusual considering there are a lot of programs focused at youth in our building. What was unusual was that there must of been around 70 young girls all with children and some young men as well. My heart warmed for them. It reminds of me of the alternative break trip I did in my first year at UF. It was focused on juvenille justice. I got so attached to those girls and they've stayed with me ever since.The office is quiet. eww.
Yesterday it go so quiet and dull in here. Our office really needs an injection of life and energy. I have a ton of volunteers coming in today and I'm excited, hopefully we can get them pumped up.

I listened to the recap of the debate on the radio this morning. I'm sure this will disgust some people but I don't have any favorites in this election and I'm not really passionate about any of this candidates. It's my Pness keeping the options open till I receive more information.

Okay folks enjoy the day!

Quote: Life is not a dress rehearsal. Everyday, you should have at least one exquisite moment. Sally Karioth

Doing it big

2008-10-02T12:27:00.001-07:00

Guess What??
I got employee of the the month for September at Lush!
It was a great night. We had our monthly meeting last night which was so much fun. Lots of food and Alyssa and Lauren (our managers) showed us their pictures from their managers meeting in Vacnouver. We were also joined by a bunch of the managers in training. They shared with us all of the reasons why they love Lush and it made me love it that much more. I've been trying to come up with ways to motivate myself be more present with our customers and drive more sales. I hate the idea of selling but really our products are amazing and also great for the environment. I look at my work as making relationships with people, educating them about earth friendly products that are great to them and encouraging people to replace their products at home with our wonderful products.
We also got to see all of the products that we're coming out with for Christmas and I got to take three of them home. It was so much fun and we had some really amazing hummus. mmmmm.

It's been a nonstop day at work and it's only getting busier. I've been doing trainings. I finally finished developing our training. I got really energized today because I created a whole new aspect to training that challenges the volunteers to really think about the impact that they're going to make and what contributions they want to give to NSP while they are volunteering with us. I even added these little inspiring quotes. I notice I really get drained going over the details of client service with new volunteers, but they are important and I can't assume that our volunteers know everything they need to.
I'm definitely looking forward to the opportunities where we can have all of our volunteers together, reflecting and thinking of really creative ideas for our office.

We've even gotten a few more applications in. Unfortunately one of the volunteers that had come to an information session, didn't feel that comfortable in the nieghborhood around our office. I don't tend to think about those things too much anymore, although I can definetely identify, but I can see it from her perspective and hopefully we can give her some confidence into coming from campus to our office.

It has been really chilly today. Even Philadelphians think it's cold and our volunteers are also talking about the coldness. Not fun.

Josh Jack is coming in this weekend and I can't wait to have another Gator around! I'll also be looking forward to this weekend and lounging around, ahh bliss.

Quote:People who work together will win, whether it be against complex football defenses, or the problems of modern society. Vince Lombardi

you can go your own way

2008-10-01T14:06:00.001-07:00

Jacqui I received your package yesterday! Thank you soooo much, I really appreciate it!

It has been a hectic week. I've been coming in to work earlier and leaving later. I was even late to Lush yesterday. There has just been so much to do and not enough time to do it. As much as I don't want to work at home, I seem to get these bursts of energy when I start thinking about something and then start scribbling stuff out and then end up working. I'm doing enough well rounded things so hopefully I can avoid burnout.

Today our CEO came in today, it was really awesome. I love seeing her. She also got my wheels turning on some things I hadn't thought about. She asked a lot of questions which were really helpful.

Yesterday we had an information session with really good turnout. About 17 students in all. It was really energizing because I just wasn't sure how to penetrate the Temple campus. It was great to see so many excited people. Our CEO talked with us about some of the challenges they've faced with getting plugged into the campus here. I think we're beginning to make strides. I'm booked with volunteer trainings which are compeltly hectic. I've had to adapt the normal model because it just didn't work with the stage our office is in right now. So I redesigned the training into something that future site leaders can hopefully use.

As we began trainings I'm realizing the impending shift in my role as manager of the volunteers. I'm trying to think of trainings and opportunities to develop the learning component of the service the volunteers are doing as well as really create a well rounded service experience for the volunteers. There is a lot of information out there in the world of service learning and civic engagement so I'm at a lost of where to start. Working with our volunteers and developing their competencies is definetely my favorite part of the job. I have a heart for my clients but I feel I can help them more by ensuring that our volunteers are well trained and educated on working with them. As well as increasing the information and knowledge our office and volunteers have so that we can really ensure that our clients are receiving the best service possible. I sometimes enjoy direct client service but I definetely get more energized when I'm working on things that increase the quality of service we're able to give.

I'm excited that we'll have a new Regional Program Manger soon. Then there will be someone here that can really help us improve our client serivice, our roots in the community and have a great developmental approach with Shawn and I. It will be nice to have someone I can look in the face and ask questions to.

Priya was here this weekend which was so wonderful. I was sorta drained when she left, we did so much in the city. I went to a lot of places I never would've by myself like some great restaurants and museums. I love having someone near to share this great city with. I can't wait to visit her in Baltimore!

I'm looking forward to having our volunteers all scheduled and settled into the office as well as heaving a good stream of clients. It'll be a nice flow. But I feel like we're really building a good foundation for our organization. I really enjoy this organization because I feel I'm really given a lot of room to express how I feel and the ideas I put out there are taken into consideration. Plus there's a lot of auntomy so I'm given room to do what I feel is best. It's like a match made in heaven.

Okay, I'll probably be spending a late night in the office, g'night!

Quote: Sometimes when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things -- a chance word, a tap on the shoulder, or a penny dropped on a newsstand -- I am tempted to think...there are no little things. Bruce Barton

Song: Umbrella by Maria Digby
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb86KRJtnWE

an e-mail

2008-09-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

My aunt Jean sent me this. Enjoy!

This is really good advice.....I hope I can remember it the next time I need to.> > > > >> >The Law of the Garbage Truck> >~ author unknown ~> >> >How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a > >bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your > >day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back > >on your heels. However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly they > >can re-focus on what's important.> >> >Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New > >York City taxi. Here's what happened. I hopped in a taxi, and we took off > >for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when all of a > >sudden a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My > &g t;taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back > >end by just inches!> >> >Here's what happened next. The driver of the OTHER car, the guy who almost > >caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling > >obcenities at US. Now, here's what blew me away. My taxi driver just smiled > >and waved at the guy. And I mean he was friendly. So, I said, "Why did you > >just do that??? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the > >hospital!" And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, "The > >Law of the Garbage Truck."> >> >Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full > >of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage > >piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump > >it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally. > >Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did. I > >guarantee it. So this was it: The "Law of the Garbage Truck."> >> >I started thinking: How often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? > >And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at > >work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, "I'm not going to do > >it anymore." I began to see garbage trucks. Like in the movie "The Sixth > >Sense," the little boy said, "I see Dead People." Well, now I see Garbage > >Trucks. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. > >And, like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, > >wave, wish them well, and I move on.> >> >One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this > >every day o n the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the > >ground after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to > >make the next play his best. Good leaders know they have to be ready for > >their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their > >children home from school with hugs and kisses. Leaders and parents know > >that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they > >care about.> >> >The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take > >over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting > >today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?> >> >Here's my bet. You'll be happier. In fact, guarantee it.

shake it

2008-09-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

I know I say I work for the most wonderful organization all the time but that's because it's true and not just because of what I get to do but of the amazing people I sometimes get to work with. Here is an insight from the weekly report of one of our VISTAs in the national office about service learning:

So, I was at the National Forum for America’s Promise on Monday and Tuesday. They flew in representatives of the 100 best communities for young people to this forum, so there was a definite diversity of backgrounds, etc. Most of the conversation was great, but I was continually alarmed in conversations about “service-learning.” People simply did not understand what that term really means. School leaders, mayors, community organizers, etc continually employed the word “service-learning” when what they really meant was simple community service. It seems like someone told them community service is too closely related to court-ordered service, so they started adopting “service-learning” into their lexicon, without understanding the distinction. Even those that did understand that service-learning must be linked up to some sort of learning insisted that the ultimate goal of service-learning is to benefit the student – at whatever costs to the community. This makes me VERY NERVOUS. If service-learning programs are not thinking about the sustainability and best interests of their community and its pre-existing agencies, then history will remember service-learning as a fad at the turn of the century to—yet again—benefit the server. Service-learning is too powerful of a tool to start having communities misusing it.

So Trang, one of our new volunteers was in the office today. It was a little hectic, I had just gotten into a good groove with getting work done. We did some client service training and then did some outreach with our volunteer Sandi. It was a nice bonding experience where we talked about nonprofit transparency as well as good places to shop in Philly (none!).

As we were coming back to the building I ran into one of the administrators of an organization in the building called Youth Empowerment Services. They are a program for 18-21 year olds who have dropped out of high school. It gives them an opportunity to rengage through learning through media programs. Also another one of the Yes administrators founded YouthBuild! It was a really great conversation. I told him about how we could help out by helping his students with basic life skills like resumes and coverletters. He ended the conversation by saying "you made my day!" Trang and Sandi were really excited about this and now want to hold a social for all of the organizations in the building. This.is.exciting!

We've had tons of volunteer interest so now I'm focusing of effective management of the volunteers which is like a juggling act. I'm so excited about seeing Priya this weekend! Even though its rainy and cold booo...Okay, outtie!

Oh yeah by the way, does anyone have any ideas to change the world but just need funding, submit them here http://www.project10tothe100.com/faq.html.

Oh yeah and this is interesting, or at least I think it is. I'm very interested in information and how it can be used to improve our communites. Also how we can improve access to information for those who could use it to reach thier goals and how we can train the next generation of leaders to better access information to make decisions in an age of infromation overload. aka I want to be an academic librarian. But anyway I saw this interesting video and I thought I'd share it...http://www.kaisernetwork.org/health_cast/player_cgi2008.cfm?id=4596.

Quote: Society comprises two classes: those who have more food than appetite, and those who have more appetite than food. Sébastien-Roch Nicholas de Chamfort, Maximes

emerging from the abyss

2008-09-25T13:55:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

I've been so out of the loop. I have a sorta restless energy and have been trying to get things done in the office, so I have been out of the loop. Yet so many exciting things have happened in our office. Like:

1. Temple News (the local student run paper) ran an article on us and you can read it here http://temple-news.com/2008/09/23/student-volunteers-help-community/.

2. We have a couple new volunteers in. Although it isn't at the numbers I had hoped for by now I'm very excited about the ones we have. I just learned today that one of our students is an international student from Vietnam. We are also able to take work study students which is great because it allows us to diversify our base and introduce students to volunteering who may not have the opportunity to do so otherwise.

3. PRIYA IS COMING SATURDAY TO VISIT!!!! YEAH!! (not related to the office but still very exciting)

4. We hired another Florida Gator as the Site Coordinator for West Philly office. I am so excited about this. Words. cannot. express.

5. Our CEO is coming next week and I can't wait to see her.

I've been reading a lot which is really stimulating. I just finished up , Now Discover Your Strengths and found out all of my strengths which are connectedness, strategic, includer, arranger and positivity. You can find out more about what that means here...http://www.careertrainer.com/Request.jsp?lView=ViewArticle&Article=OID%3A113426.

I'm also reading Blink: The Power of thinking without thinking which is proving to be a really fascinating read. It talks about our unconcious mind and how it affects our daily decisions and interactions. It's basically decision theory, and very fun to read.

I wish deeper things were going on but alas, not really. Or maybe there are deep things that I just consider not deep anymore. Okay, I'm outtie. Just wanted to check in and update you on the wonderfulness of life here in Philly.

Quote: With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity. Keshavan Nair

work it!

2008-09-19T11:10:00.001-07:00

I am fresh off of our planning session and full of energy so I thought this would be a great time to post.
It has been a wonderful two days and has really rejuvenated me. Plus while reading through the weekly reports of some of our other site coordinators I was able to get some great new ideas.
So the purpose of the planning session is to lay out our quantitative goals for the year in terms of client service, volunteers, community partners and office infrastructure. Today was really great because we had a session with our LAB member (who I love!) and also allocated our $6000 budget (whom I do not love).
We had to do a lot of assessment and strategic planning and forecasting. It was like stretching my brain in a million different places. But in the end we were able to paint a picture of where we want our office to be at the end of this program year.
I really love our organization and our office has a lot of potential in the upcoming year.
I've also learned that I love working in nonprofit management although I have many qualms with the nonprofit sector as a whole. Albeit legitimate ones as anyone in the nonprofit sector is aware of.
I enjoyed my birthday. It was great getting so many wonderful messages and notes from everyone, even our CEO! And UPS keeps missing me on a package from the hills of Alabama, so whoever sent it, I'm sure I will be receiving it soon so no worries.
Yesterday night at Lush (yes I worked on my birthday) I met these two older women who are in town to run the Philly half marathon. I was really inspired and now I'm going to be more proactive about my trainings. I can do it!

Yeah ok, that's pretty much it.

your love

2008-09-17T10:59:00.000-07:00

So yesterday morning I woke up with a very dry throat and nasal passages. Throughout the day it go worse and I when I was leaving Lush last night I started sneezing rapidly. Since my nasal passages and throat were dry it hurt and then I became pretty mucusy and then I got a fever and I ended the night gasping for air as I went to bed.
I woke up this morning, to a 55 degree morning, quite stuffed up and pretty miserable. If the Philadelphia air was a friend of mine, its name would be Judas. I guess I'll need to get a humidifier or something.
I slept around but I needed to get to work today to get some stuff done for our planning session, and prepare some volunteer stuff and clean my desk which is (was) a swamp of papers and empty water bottles.
Last night at Lush was such a great night. It really is a fun place to work and I usually get the same shifts with the same girls and they're so much fun. We had some great customers and I generally love making people feel happy. There was this one woman who kinda peeked in and I gestured for her to come in. She works in the states and Latin America and does some sort of programming that develops partnerships with Universities. She was visiting Penn to talk to professors and had just gotten back from Syracuse. She was wonderful, apparently she had a rough day so we treated her to a hand treatment and showed her all of our awesome products. I gave her a bunch of samples of stuff just to cheer her up and she bought some of our awesome shampoo bars and she left the store in such a better mood. I was sad to see her go but happy that we made her night. She thanked us and we generally enjoyed her.
Then another woman came in who had just broken up with her boyfriend of seven years. She was in Philly with her parents recovering from her breakup. I wanted to giver her a hug and just sit and talk with her, she looked so sad. But we did have a good talk. I get so emotionally attached to our customers, its ridiculous.
We played Disney songs and sang and danced to them all night. The night just flew by. I had had a stressful day as well and some heavy client meetings so it was a nice ending. I went home with some orange juice and spent the night talking to a good friend from college and my lil cuz whose birthday is today,yeah!
My boss and one of our staff members is in town for our planning. We're all going to dinner tonight which I'm pretty excited about.
I cannot wait for our planning session, we'll be setting all of our program goals for the year and it will feel good to finally get some direction in the day to day things. I've lost momentum, especially this week because I'm not sure where to go next really. There are so many things to do and so many places to start. Oh yeah, and my birthday is tomorrow, I'll be a ripe old 22 ha!
So back to work, I have this amazing Hall and Oates station on Pandora which is pretty much the best thing ever. G'day all!!

Song: Private Eyes by Hall and Oates

Quote: While you have a thing it can be taken from you... but when you give it, you have given it. No robber can take it from you. It is yours then for ever when you have given it. It will be yours always. That is to give. James Joyce

when the dust settles

2008-09-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

I still have not fully emerged from weekend mode into work mode. I like to move with the rythym of my energy though so I'm not to pressured. I had a meeting with Ainsley this morning. I thought it was at 11:45. It was at 11:15. I felt really horrible. But here's what I learned because everything in life should be treated like a learning experience. I should call in the morning to confirm appointments, when I'm unsure. I should write appointments down, in fact I should start writing everything down. I usually don't but I'm learning my memory is overloaded with the 5 million things that can and usually do occur in any given day.
It was a good meeting and he gave me some useful information.
I need to to learn how to ask people I know that know stuff what they know and how to connect. I'm always unsure of, and feel weird about, wether to connect through people I know but I guess that's how the world works.

So I've been working my way through this book called 'the working poor.' Here is an excerpt from the cover.."Most of the people I write about in this book do not have the luxury of rage. They are caught in exhausting struggles. Their wages do not lift them far enough from poverty to improve their lives, and their lives, in turn, hold them back. The term by which they are usually described, 'working poor,' should be an oxymoron. Nobody who works hard should be poor in America."
It is giving me a deeper insight into issues of poverty and the emotional layers that can build on a person who lives in poverty. I cry every night after I read it. It would be a different thing if I could look at is a just a book , but I see these people in our office everyday. And in some ways it is like looking into a mirror. I know I'm not poor poor but some of the things that the people in these book say to themselves, I know I've said to myself. And I realize how slippery a slope it can be to poverty, how one little mistake can invite you into a cycle that you may never get out of. It really made be sit down and assess my spending more carefully, because with this new job, I've really loosened up on my budget. I felt like I was looking into a mirror and I was concerned and disturbed with what I saw.
It is troubling when I see people who come in, who don't have jobs, who are so close to nothing and who have cable and $200 phones. It can only make sense to someone who has so little in life, both physically and emotionally, that what you can buy/what you can give yourself goes beyond just getting stuff, it's like fulfilling something that is missing. I understand it and at the same time I see how it enables they cylical nature of poverty in someone's life.

I really just feel like a run, I get that feeling a lot. Just to start running. Where I'm running to or from has yet to reveal itself to me. Have you ever got that feeling after a long day at the beach, when you're just sitting somewhere and you can still feel the movement of the ocean. It's still with you when you still still long enough. I feel like that sometimes.
Anyway, g'day.

Song: That's what hurts by Hall and Oates ( I think)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmfkKeTEawg

Quote: It's not easy for men to rise whose qualities are thwarted by poverty. Juvenal

that's whats up

2008-09-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

So at the Service Nation Summit our organization created a case study which you can read here: http://www.nspnet.org/news/publications/service_nation_draft_of_case_study.pdf just wanted to share.

stay in love

2008-09-15T06:51:00.000-07:00

I had a really great weekend.
Self-care is muy important. If I learned anything this weekend is that I need to spend time to myself, taking care of my needs and listening to my heart and having fun. I think I learned that last week as well but anything worth learning is worth learning twice.

I worked Saturday morning into the afternoon. It wasn't that busy, I started working on the register which adds a whole new layer of hecticness to my job. I went home with the intention of taking a nap and then getting up to read. Well I ended up sleeping for six hours and pretty much just dosed the rest of the day.

I don't work on Sundays so I'm always excited about an entire day to myself. I woke up, cooked breakfast, read enjoyed my sunday morning ritual of listening to my I am Sam soundtrack and dancing in the living room to soft rock songs. Then I decided that this would be the day that I start marathon training. There's a running/biking trail that goes up the schuylkill (pronounced- scoo-kull) that goes up past the art museum all the way up to Manayunk (a section of Philly). I slapped on my running gear and walked to the river. It's really nice. They also have kayaking tours which I'm signing up for. I love the smell of salt water and the area is lined with gorgeous trees and landscape. So I started running and I ran and I ran. And then I stopped. The whole thing probably took about 45 seconds. It was excruciating. It also may have not been a good idea to start training on the one day in the past weeks with temperatures over 90 degrees. I decided to walk it. Fast, to stimulate walking. This training will be difficult but I'm determined to do it and cross the finish line.

I walked up the museum of art. On Sundays, it's pay as you wish so I was able to enjoy the museum within my budget. It's magnificent and the artwork was equisite. I really enjoy prints and photographs but unfortunately that exhibit was closed. I love wandering around art museums and really thinking deeply about what questions the art is asking and what message the artist is revealing. I feel so liberated in the presence of art. I spent a lot of time looking at religious art, especially images of Christ. It was my time to reflect on my faith and what it means for me as a person that believes that Jesus was who he said he was.
I stopped by the art museum and found this wonderful $4.00 Marsden Hartley poster which was very exciting. I've been looking for something with a lot of color to put up over my fireplace. There was a Hartley exhibit at the Harn my last semester there and I was really moved by his work.
I stopped by the bookstore and read a couple of magazines I don't have the money to buy including the recent Time that highlighted the candidates view on national service and included 21 ways to serve America, which you can read here http://www.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,1840466_1840320_1840299,00.html
It's interesting , there's a college , and I can't remember which one that actually started a partnership with City Year and allows students who give a year on to community service, educational scholarships. Knowledge serving the community, what a novel idea.
NSP was recently noted in a newsletter from Tuft about our involvement with students and civic engagement which makes me really proud of this great organization I work for http://www.civicyouth.org/PopUps/Newsletter/v5.i3.pdf.

I spent the rest of the night reading. I just finished up the leadership challenge and I'm saddened I never read it before because there are so many good lessons in it. Hopefully I can become a better leader of our organization because of it.
I've taken a new perspective on challenges at work. Never allow yourself to be the victim of anyting. I've learned that instead of framing situations as "woe is me, I can't believe I'm being treated this way" it's better to think "what can I learn from this and how can I use this experience to make myself a better leader, person and friend." It's given me a whole new experience and one that makes me excited about coming to work because I look at it as a challenge to stick to my values and strive for a higher state of leadership in my life.

Okay so, send your prayers or karma or best wishes on my marathon training. I'm trying again this afternoon. By the way, this is what I'm training for http://www.richmondmarathon.com/. Join me if you'd like.

Quote: It's not what you've got, it's what you use that makes a difference. Zig Ziglar.

with a phony red sheet

2008-09-12T13:02:00.000-07:00

It's rainy and cold.
Although I guess there could be some debate over the 'coldness' of the day.
Last night was a rollercoaster of emotions. I feel very lost and unsure of myself. I let myself think too much and that's never good. I felt like I was walking through a mental fog with no clear way to see anything ahead of me. There were a bunch of really uplifting songs on the radio, one after another each tuning into what I was thinking and challenging it. My uncle called which was wonderful and very much appreciated.

It's almost like I'm scared of me. I don't know. The moment sunk in when I was at Lush the other night. My manager pulled me over to tell me how much she loved having me work there. It was after I had gotten a good sale I guess. It made me feel really weird, almost ashamed. I felt like I shouldn't be that good and I didn't want anyone else that I work with to feel bad that I was doing good. A part of me knows that's the wrong thing to think. I shouldn't try to do bad at work or not do as well. Maybe there's a way you can be good at things and do things well while still instilling in others the condfidence that their actions are just as significant and that they also have a way to contribute. I read a really timely and inspiring article in O magazine and this line really inspired me, moving me towards a space of awarness I hadn't inhabited before:
You and I might not have met, but because of my own superpower, I can tell you this:
Your life is not little, and your playing small doesn't serve the world. Your living large, on the other hand—your being your true self despite fear, fatigue, doubt, and opposition—will serve the world more than you can imagine. In fact, it may help save it. And saving the world, after all, is what all heroes (including you) are here to do.
I'm not sure what's planned for my life, but I feel its something that both scares me and excites me. I feel like if I start shrinking back now I won't ever get there and I guess that's not a good thing. The only thing I've ever wanted to be is just like everyone else. I beleive if you realize that everyone has something wonderful to contribute you can believe in what you have to contribute. I need to believe in myself a lot more.

I'm fortunate that I have such a wonderful CEO, she has sent me these really inspiring and wonderful e-mails each week. It's wonderful to have someone see in you what you can't see in yourself. Although I'm learning that I need to find ways to believe in me, even if no one else does. Especially if no one does.

I'm looking forward to relaxing at home, I hope I get sent home early tonight from work because I don't believe that anyone will really be shopping in the rain today. I'm reading this really funny book by Cynthia Kaplan called Why I'm Like This and I love coming home to it at night, in fact I don't think I will go out at all this weekend, but rather relax and read some of the wonderful books I've collected from the library and such.

Okay, now to end up the day.

Song:It's not easy to be me by David Gray
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCYhwxXiYZI